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Autistic son has a date for homecoming!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 199649" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>MWM, you said, "These kids can really progress. I don't ever forget he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), but I also see that he can learn to do things. I remember when an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis was a death sentence."</p><p></p><p>I know you know this. I guess I was emphasising this point for two reasons:</p><p></p><p>1) I also remember when autism was seen as a heartbreaking condition where the parents were advised to put the child away and forget he ever existed because the child would never be able to connect. I have learnt with my own kids that this is so very wrong, it has been (for me) a stimulating, exciting time as I see how much they can do.</p><p></p><p>2) Living with these kids, I have become extremely nitpicky myself in how I express myself. So I was nitpicky with how you expressed it also - habit!</p><p></p><p>For example, when difficult child 3 was learning to talk, and even with difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2, I had to learn to not say "right" unless I meant the direction (as in "not left"). Instead when correcting someone, I would have to say, "Correct". </p><p>I had to stop myself from every possible ambiguity. Very tiring. Challenging.</p><p></p><p>You described this girl as having a number of younger siblings that she babysits - she sounds like a loving, nurturing soul who has taken difficult child under her wing. Something else to consider - she may be brighter than average, also valuing his innate honesty and loyalty (which are part of the spectrum, once things begin to work positively for them). While your difficult child is a challenge at times, she clearly sees the rewards in her friendship with him. For ANYONE else to see this in our children, is wonderful. We worry as parents what will happen when they have to throw themselves on the mercy of the world at large - WE love our children because they are ours. But other people have no such connection. So when someone who doesn't have to, loves our child and wants to be near him, it makes us feel much more hopeful for their future.</p><p></p><p>With him getting anxious and feeling overwhelmed over all the things he needs to do - that is likely to keep happening for many years yet. But each time he does something like this and it comes off well, is one more good success that will strengthen him and that he can fall back on ("I have already done this").</p><p></p><p>Something your daughter could do is find out if this girl is having her dress made. Get a swatch or even a large enough piece of fabric, and make difficult child a tie. All you need to do for this is unpick an old tie that is the right size and shape, then use it as pattern pieces to cut out a tie from the dress fabric. It's quick and easy. Don't forget some taffeta for lining fabric - same pattern pieces.</p><p></p><p>Or you could make him a bow tie - again, patterns are available. A hand-tied bow tie is also supposed to be slightly wonky, it's a way of saying, "I am wearing a GENUINE bow tie, not a clip-on." I don't know if an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) could handle that!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 199649, member: 1991"] MWM, you said, "These kids can really progress. I don't ever forget he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), but I also see that he can learn to do things. I remember when an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis was a death sentence." I know you know this. I guess I was emphasising this point for two reasons: 1) I also remember when autism was seen as a heartbreaking condition where the parents were advised to put the child away and forget he ever existed because the child would never be able to connect. I have learnt with my own kids that this is so very wrong, it has been (for me) a stimulating, exciting time as I see how much they can do. 2) Living with these kids, I have become extremely nitpicky myself in how I express myself. So I was nitpicky with how you expressed it also - habit! For example, when difficult child 3 was learning to talk, and even with difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2, I had to learn to not say "right" unless I meant the direction (as in "not left"). Instead when correcting someone, I would have to say, "Correct". I had to stop myself from every possible ambiguity. Very tiring. Challenging. You described this girl as having a number of younger siblings that she babysits - she sounds like a loving, nurturing soul who has taken difficult child under her wing. Something else to consider - she may be brighter than average, also valuing his innate honesty and loyalty (which are part of the spectrum, once things begin to work positively for them). While your difficult child is a challenge at times, she clearly sees the rewards in her friendship with him. For ANYONE else to see this in our children, is wonderful. We worry as parents what will happen when they have to throw themselves on the mercy of the world at large - WE love our children because they are ours. But other people have no such connection. So when someone who doesn't have to, loves our child and wants to be near him, it makes us feel much more hopeful for their future. With him getting anxious and feeling overwhelmed over all the things he needs to do - that is likely to keep happening for many years yet. But each time he does something like this and it comes off well, is one more good success that will strengthen him and that he can fall back on ("I have already done this"). Something your daughter could do is find out if this girl is having her dress made. Get a swatch or even a large enough piece of fabric, and make difficult child a tie. All you need to do for this is unpick an old tie that is the right size and shape, then use it as pattern pieces to cut out a tie from the dress fabric. It's quick and easy. Don't forget some taffeta for lining fabric - same pattern pieces. Or you could make him a bow tie - again, patterns are available. A hand-tied bow tie is also supposed to be slightly wonky, it's a way of saying, "I am wearing a GENUINE bow tie, not a clip-on." I don't know if an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) could handle that! Marg [/QUOTE]
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