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General Parenting
Bad Therapy session
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 390723" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Playing these guessing games is classic passive-aggressive. You played into it by assuring him you wouldn't tell his father; your response should have been, "If you have a problem with someone, you should deal with it and not clam up." Whether you tell husband or not, is not the point at all. difficult child's bad attitude plus refusal to cooperate with attempts to resolve problems, is the issue. In other words - he sounds to me like he is choosing to be the centre of all this negative attention because he is getting some kind of payoff form it, some sense of vengeance. But he won't do anything to seriously sort it out, because he would sabotage his enjoyment. He's got into bad habits socially.</p><p></p><p>I also strongly suspect that whatever is causing his anger issues is also not being dealt with. It's easier to blame a handy target and refuse to fix it, than to really have to accept any level of personal responsibility in the issues.</p><p></p><p>I think you're right - he is going to need intense therapy, and therapy away from his handy targets. He has to be somewhere where the only handy target is himself. Until he learns to face the problems and deal with them, he is going to continue to be a problem and to use these deflection/PA tactics through life in his interactions with people. NOT healthy.</p><p></p><p>The therapist sounds like a really good one.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 390723, member: 1991"] Playing these guessing games is classic passive-aggressive. You played into it by assuring him you wouldn't tell his father; your response should have been, "If you have a problem with someone, you should deal with it and not clam up." Whether you tell husband or not, is not the point at all. difficult child's bad attitude plus refusal to cooperate with attempts to resolve problems, is the issue. In other words - he sounds to me like he is choosing to be the centre of all this negative attention because he is getting some kind of payoff form it, some sense of vengeance. But he won't do anything to seriously sort it out, because he would sabotage his enjoyment. He's got into bad habits socially. I also strongly suspect that whatever is causing his anger issues is also not being dealt with. It's easier to blame a handy target and refuse to fix it, than to really have to accept any level of personal responsibility in the issues. I think you're right - he is going to need intense therapy, and therapy away from his handy targets. He has to be somewhere where the only handy target is himself. Until he learns to face the problems and deal with them, he is going to continue to be a problem and to use these deflection/PA tactics through life in his interactions with people. NOT healthy. The therapist sounds like a really good one. Marg [/QUOTE]
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