Baseball Game Gone Awry

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SuzyfromTexas, Apr 26, 2007.

  1. SuzyfromTexas

    SuzyfromTexas New Member

    Things having been going pretty well lately until tonight. My son had a baseball game and was was struck out (He typically gets a hit everytime) The last couple of games he handled it pretty well when he got out and just sulked a little bit on the bench. I really thought we were making progess. No tantrums, no tears. Well, tonight he struck out and threw the bat (not far, just on the ground right in front of him). The coach came over to talk with him and he turned away from the coach as he was talking to him. My husband went ballistic and picked him up and physically removed him from the game. Alex was crying, yelling, hitting, it was quite a scene. I think my husband made the problem worse by making a big deal about it. I don't know......In that situation, I'm sure all the parents were horrified by our little scene.

    I've had two glasses of wine and really have no point to this story. I feel stuck and sad that every time we have a great game or great day, I'm on cloud nine. when things don't go well, it ruins my entire day or night. I wish I could get past it and accept him for who he is. We have no diagnosis after an extensive work-up involving money and time and I guess I have to go through the whole :censored2: neuropsychologist thing again.

    He's just not an obvious difficult child all the time. He does fine in school and in most social relationships. He blends in for awhile, then it shows.

    thanks for listening.
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Suzy}}}
    That describes my Duckie, to a "T". I'm slowly learning to do better by not tying my entire emotional well being on how my difficult child is doing today. It's not fair to me to do otherwise because I work hard to raise my child the best way I know how whether she's having a good or bad day. Besides, I tend to be a much more effective parent to Duckie when I stay calm & cool in the face of her gfgness.
    As for husband, I think the biggest error in judgement was jumping the gun. It's important to let the other adults that we trust to take the lead at appropriate times. He essentially undermined the coach's authority by jumping in and taking over. I hope difficult child doesn't suffer socially with his peers because of this incident.
    As for difficult child, perhaps going over the stats of some of the top players would illustrate that even the best don't make a hit at every at bat.
     
  3. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    I'm there with you too! Boy do I know how this is. Our family drama time is in gymnastics class. We used to physically remove my son from the class when he got out of control, but that turned out to be the worst thing we could do - it threw him into such a rage, made such a scene, and in the end it didn't actually accomplish anything. I'm not sure how involved you're allowed to get in these situations at baseball, but we just arranged it with the teacher that I would come into the gym when it seemed difficult child needed a little redirection or calming. I changed my tune. Used to be: "I'll take you home if you do that again," but now it's "I'm here to help you [fill in the blank]."

    For me, the inconsistency is the hardest part, too. It's especially crushing when he's had a run of good experiences and then has an off day. Sad to say, I think part of the solution is to try to stay off of cloud nine when good times are happening. I guess that's part of healthy detachment.

    (((hugs)))
     
  4. FindingMyZen

    FindingMyZen New Member

    I am still very new at this (my difficult child just had his first evaluation)
    but I do know how hard it can be to always make good judgement calls when emotions arise....its hard. And it doesnt help that people stare and murmur about "that child". Sometimes I feel like I have a bulls eye on my chest. Im rambling...sorry.

    This is my first post, forgive me.

    Im just glad i ran across this site. It sounds like you all have the asme kinds of parenting issues I have. I guess Im not really replying to your post very well...still rambling.
     
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I know what you mean. For so long I've waited to see how difficult child was going to be so I could see what kind of mood I was going to be in. I've learned that by not letting difficult child control my mood, difficult child's rages and meltdowns tend to not be as intense. She seems to really feed off me.

    Maybe your husband was embarrassed by your difficult child's behavior in front of others and that's why he jumped the gun? Maybe you can gently remind him that your child is 6 and, difficult child or not, kids are going to do that kind of thing from time to time.

    FindingMyZen - come out and introduce yourself. Ramble away. It helps to get it off your chest. And we are expert ramble de-coders here. :wink: We all do it from time to time.
     
  6. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I know what you mean. You think everything is going to be great and then they do something to shoot it all to @#$%$. That is why we haven't tried team sports. difficult child is too centered on herself and if something went wrong.... i don't even want to imagine what she might do.

    I guess it is best to hope for the best but prepare for the worst so you aren't so let down.

    Steph
     
  7. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    My difficult child is in baseball also. This is getting to be a team of "big" boys now, 10-12 years old. I don't think it's near as much fun as difficult child thought it was going to be and since he's not played as much as the others, he's not as good. SO, if he strikes out it's "I'm NOT playing anymore!". I keep encouraging him and try to make him understand that even the pros strike out now and then, etc. But if he's really not having fun, despite the $200, it's hard to keep going to games and practices FIVE times a week. I don't know what the right thing is to do. I've told him it's not right to give up when he's made a committment to a team. What to do, what to do......
     
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    OHHHH did this post strike a chord with me!

    My difficult child is in cheerleading. I encouraged an activity like that because I have seen her participate in team sports, and it is not a pretty sight. If someone on her team knows how to do something better than her, "it's not fair". If the other team does better. "this game is stupid". and the meltdowns in front of God and everybody.

    How DO you seperate having a "good" day from whether or not your difficult child has a good day? From the moment I wake up, it's me spending as much me time as I can before I have to wake her...then tiptoeing into her room on eggshells, wondering which pole she will wake up on. If she wakes up crabby, it can ruin my whole day.

    I guess it takes some time to develop that rhino skin, eh?
     
  9. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Rhino skin? I still don't have it, but I'm getting it slooooowly. My difficult child can get me ticked off in a New York minute and it takes awhile to shake it off, but I AM beginning to do just that. Used to be that I was angry for the rest of the day. The therapists encourage us to have him in sports to help him become more "social". The other side of the coin is that okay, so I REWARD him for bad behvior in public (the last game) and let him play more? I don't get it.

    BigBadKitty, I walk on eggshells, too. I also awaken my difficult child at the very last possible minute, just so I can have some time to myself. Actually, I get up (HONESTLY!!) at 4:30 AM so that I can spend quiet time with my coffee cup and my computer. The war starts the minute he opens his eyes. I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but so far it hasn't gotten better here.
     
  10. lordhelpme

    lordhelpme New Member

    we had tball practice tues nite and difficult child was on the verge of a meltdown when he was accidently skipped over for his turn at bat(he was helping in the outfield). i saw it starting and was able to head it off. i know we will have to watch these things.
     
  11. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Team sports and difficult child have, in the past, not been a good match, and I've heard it all - they didn't pass the ball to me, they didn't follow xyz rules, the other team/ref were unfair :crazy2:. Karate has been good for him since how you progress is simply up to you and how much effort you put in. There are competitions if you want to enter, but difficult child doesn't since I think he's realized he's not happy if he doesn't win. If your difficult child really wants to remain in baseball, as someone mentioned, maybe pointing out that even major league players miss a lot of the time might make it easier for him to deal with it when he strikes out.
     
  12. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Baseball question here ... For those of you whose kids play baseball - have you (or the coaches) ever sat down with the kids and explained the concept of "batting averages" so they could understand it? My boy played for eight years :highvoltage: and would get extremely upset at first if he struck out or was put out. :mad:

    Put this way though, it doesn't sound so bad. Whether in Little League or the Major Leagues, a batting average of .333 is considered extremely good! That means the player got a hit only ONE-THIRD of the times that he came up to bat! The other TWO-THIRDS of the time, he either struck out or was put out! My son's attitude changed a lot when he started watching Major League baseball on TV and seeing these BIG famous guys who make millions of dollars striking out 4 and 5 times in a game!

    And as for the bat throwing incident, husband should have let the officials handle it - "natural consequences" again. Whether in a kids game or the Majors, bat throwing is never tolerated and usually results in being ejected from the game. Rules are rules, the same for everybody, and it may have been taken better coming from an umpire than the dad. Just my 2 cents, anyway.
     
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Pamela...I am up at 4:30 as well :smile:
     
  14. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Oh my, the things we do to survive, huh? Is getting up that early "doing something for ourselves"? It seems distorted....
     
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