Been away too long and now frantic...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Sep 9, 2014.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Those with a long memory might remember my situation. for those who are new, here's a brief summary: My difficult child is 23. She was diagnosis'd with BiPolar disorder in November of 2011. She has refused medication and thinks - like many with this disorder, that she is fine (everyone else is mad). She gave birth to beautiful twin girls in January of 2014. She has not contact with the bio father (to whom she was engaged within a week of meeting him. She moved out within weeks of discovering she was pregnant).

    She lived with me from the time she left the guy until two months after the girls' birth. She said I was "mean" (lol) and moved in with her dad, AKA Mr. Ostrich.

    She moved out of Mr' O's home three weeks ago. He has finally seen the light and no longer (at least for now) has his head buried in the sand. Apparently he, too, was "mean" for calling her on her behavior.

    She moved in with a guy she barely knows. He actually seems like a nice guy - but that's irrelevant. The next one could be Ted Bundy.

    she refuses to work and, in fact, pretended to go to work at her former place of employment (Target) for weeks before Mr. O busted her. We have no idea where she was going when claiming to go to work.

    She is out of money (we will not give her money for anything. She gets formula from WIC and - I guess - the new guy gives buys diapers. Mr. O ( or the reformed Mr. O) did buy diapers until he found out she was pretending to go to work.

    We have found out (it's a long story as to how, and I don't have the strength to explain) that she is now on websites such as "", "established" and - repulsively - "what's your" ...sites that are nothing short of prostitution.

    We are stunned. And sick. I did call CPS when she was meeting guys online (and taking the girls with ehr to meet them!). At that time, they said what she was doing was poor judgement, but not illegal. These sites are - technically - legal.

    I'm not really seeking advice right now. Just support. I know I will need advice as time goes on,bu right now my head is spinning.

    These girls are the most precious little things you can imagine. I am attached - forever. God help all of us.

  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I have no words of wisdom.i just want you to know I read and I care. I am sorry for your hurting mommy heart.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so so sorry Dash. Just want you to know I'm here too and sending prayers, hugs, warm caring wishes and truckloads of support for YOU.
  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Sig and RE, How I've missed your kindness and your support. I feel your hugs.
  5. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Hi Dash,

    Know that I am reading along also and thinking of you this morning.

  6. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Welcome back, Dash. I'm so sorry for all your worry. You've done your best, and beyond. We're here for you, Dash, for whatever you may need.
  7. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Dash I am so sorry. I know you are heartsick. Please keep us posted.

    It sounds like something will come to a head at some point, sooner or later. It usually doesn't stay the same with difficult children.

    At that point I hope there is a clearer path ahead for you and for your granddaughters.

    Glad you are back but sorry you have to be.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  8. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Dash, I'm here, too.

    What is happening IS horrifying.

    But Dash, there is no action for you to take. Not right now. Now is the time when you search out the tools and the skill sets that will help you survive.

    There was a time when I had to choose to survive too, Dash. When the feelings of horror and loss, of regret and that burning, overwhelming, crazy-making sense of resentment or rage or whatever it was would take me over.

    When it first started happening, I had no defense.

    Then, I learned I could resolutely pronounce the word NO.

    I could put those overwhelming feelings into an airtight compartment to be examined when I was strong enough.

    It is what it is.

    When you can act, you will.

    Right now what you need to do Is to make a clear, cold, determined decision to survive. Literally Dash, when there are grandchildren Involved, there is no other way to get through it but by an act of will.

    As COM posts to us, we need to envision a tool box. Open it, Dash. The tool you need to survive this time will be right on top.

    You don't know it yet, but you are more than strong enough.

    And we are all right here.

  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Oh my heart feels for you. Goodness, I know that love of the grandbabies. I would do anything for my grandson. And I know that feeling of helplessness.

    My daughter was going through a serious funk that was affecting her ability to parent her son. When she is depressed, she sleeps - all the time. Nothing can keep her awake and I was so afraid of what would happen when she fell asleep and Connor was into everything. I had to give her a swift kick in the rear, told her she needed to get back on prozac or I will record her sleeping and fight for custody of that baby.

    She is back on medications and the difference is night and day.

    Unfortunately, you cannot force her to take her medications. :(

  10. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    So sorry, Dash. My difficult child also pretended he was going to work and went to great lengths to hide that he wasn't. It actually would have been easier to just go to the job than to put forth the effort he did to keep up the masquerade! It seems sometimes difficult children will find a way to live on the edge no matter what. I'm so sorry you are going through this and wanted you to know I am reading along.
  11. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    My difficult child did that with...drum lessons! Which he wanted. Which we paid for. For which we applied no pressure was just something he did that he was good at and he asked us to provide. He would leave the house, go to a bookstore, and come home. Why???
  12. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    You guys are so wonderful. Right now she's posting of FB that she and her "man" are having so much fun. (I've only posted the tip of the iceberg ... will bring y'all up to speed as time goes on ... she moved in with a guy she has known a few months - is an hour away with the girls AND she is looking for a sugar daddy). It's as though she lives in two (or more) different worlds. I'm pretty sure new boyfriend does not know about her pans for an income sources.

    Cedar - you are absolutely right. I am doing my best to marshall my strength and let of of what I cannot control. .

    Alba and Echo ... so i'm not the only one????? She has done this THREE times with jobs. Yes, it would have been easier to go to work!!! And drum lessons??/

    Good lord.
  13. tishthedish

    tishthedish Active Member

    I'll add my hugs to the others offered here. I have had issues with my son (difficult child 2) and grandson and bad baby mama. DCFS had been involved 2 years ago and dropped the ball. Another incident happened this summer and the investigator and case worker THIS time are all over the parents. Thank goodness. Keep reporting when you can. You just might find a warrior/social services worker that will help protect your beautiful granddaughters. Until then, keep a journal. I am so sorry you are going through this.
  14. sadcat

    sadcat New Member

    My difficult child used to do that with school all the time, and a job he said he had. Truly astounding and what does that do them inside? Knowing that they are lying all the time?

    I am sorry to read what you are going through - I wouldn't wish this sort of thing on my worst enemy.
  15. I know it just rips your heart apart when the difficult child's (our grandchildren) are put at risk. Seems like about the time I begin to deal with difficult child's drama, I have to worry about his kids. It is a vicious circle.
  16. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Dash, how are things coming along?

    Holding all of you in my thoughts.

  17. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending Hugs
  18. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    I'm so sorry, Dash, and unfortunately a fellow comrade in the Moms of Bipolars Club. Fake job...check; falls in love quickly ...check; .irrational...check; exaggerates & fantasizes...check... You are SO not alone. We "get" you and are here for you.