Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Behavior Contracts & Points Systems
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 352742" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I am one that likes visiual aides for the kids - posters listing schedules and rules. I also used a point/reward system successfully for my difficult child when he was 11 years old. These systems sometimes work and sometimes don't. It really depends on the system and how your child views it.</p><p> </p><p>This one as others have indicated does seem too rigid. The contract part reminded me of reading a parent handbook for school - one I am not sure I would want to send my child to if I thought this would need to be implemented for my kid. Schools need a system for all teachers to follow but it is not shared in this terminology or depth with the student. I think a 9 year old will not really understand it or will feel trapped and doomed.</p><p> </p><p>My opinion is that you need your child on board with the system before it will work. I was fortunate that my son did like our system so it worked as we had planned. Some things I look for in any system:</p><p> </p><p>1. Keep it light - the more detailed it becomes, the more of a burden it is for the child, the more overwhelming it will be to "fullfill". Do not look for perfectionism in each step but do set up the standard of what meets the minimal qualification to earn the points.</p><p>2. Allow the child to "approve" (agree) with the system before implementing it. If your child does not like something about the system, it will become a source of problems. You do not want this to be the focus of frustration or your child will feel like a prisoner to the system.</p><p>3. Keep the system "positive" - List ways to earn points but keep the reductions of points very minimal and only for the few behaviors you are really working with for your difficult child to correct. difficult child is still a child, still a human being who will make mistakes and pounding the disappointments of his mistakes into him by taking away points for each and every moment of frustration with him may not be helpful - it will lead him to believe that if he is not perfect than he is a failure. As much as possible, focus on the positives that he has done.</p><p>4. Keep the "rewards" as non-materialistic as possible - You will find that if the rewards are only material things (Wii games, the newest movies released, ect), your child may start looking at this system in a way to obtain his wish list and not for the intention of learning to get certain things done. He may also nag you to up the reward - Increase the points or decrease cost of something. This kids are very clever - when they ask to increase a reward, it is not because they believe that duty is worth more but because they know if they have more they will get more. We kept our "rewards" more toward fun activities: "up 1/2 hour later", "bike ride with Mom", "Game night with the family", "You get to choose menu for supper", "trip to the zoo".</p><p>5. After a set trial period for adjustments (one week?), keep all numbers as is. No increasing points for accomplishing something and no decreasing points to earn something.</p><p>6. Be aware that this system will have a life time. Once it gets too frustrating for any of you then you must acknowledge it is not working and go onto something else. Even when it does work as you would like, there will come a time when difficult child will just loose interest and stop using it. Accept that and go on to something else. You do not want this to be the focus of frustration in the house.</p><p>7. Build in some "free time". I figured this one out in a recent post where one of the things earned was time on the easy child. Saturday morning looked like it may be an issue in reinforcement of that time. It dawned on me that Saturday morning could be a "free time" of activity for that child. No points used to play the easy child before mom got up for the day. If there is an area such as this situation, go ahead and build in times that are free play so the chart is not the 24/7 focus of the child.</p><p> </p><p>Good luck in whatever you do decide to do! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 352742, member: 5096"] I am one that likes visiual aides for the kids - posters listing schedules and rules. I also used a point/reward system successfully for my difficult child when he was 11 years old. These systems sometimes work and sometimes don't. It really depends on the system and how your child views it. This one as others have indicated does seem too rigid. The contract part reminded me of reading a parent handbook for school - one I am not sure I would want to send my child to if I thought this would need to be implemented for my kid. Schools need a system for all teachers to follow but it is not shared in this terminology or depth with the student. I think a 9 year old will not really understand it or will feel trapped and doomed. My opinion is that you need your child on board with the system before it will work. I was fortunate that my son did like our system so it worked as we had planned. Some things I look for in any system: 1. Keep it light - the more detailed it becomes, the more of a burden it is for the child, the more overwhelming it will be to "fullfill". Do not look for perfectionism in each step but do set up the standard of what meets the minimal qualification to earn the points. 2. Allow the child to "approve" (agree) with the system before implementing it. If your child does not like something about the system, it will become a source of problems. You do not want this to be the focus of frustration or your child will feel like a prisoner to the system. 3. Keep the system "positive" - List ways to earn points but keep the reductions of points very minimal and only for the few behaviors you are really working with for your difficult child to correct. difficult child is still a child, still a human being who will make mistakes and pounding the disappointments of his mistakes into him by taking away points for each and every moment of frustration with him may not be helpful - it will lead him to believe that if he is not perfect than he is a failure. As much as possible, focus on the positives that he has done. 4. Keep the "rewards" as non-materialistic as possible - You will find that if the rewards are only material things (Wii games, the newest movies released, ect), your child may start looking at this system in a way to obtain his wish list and not for the intention of learning to get certain things done. He may also nag you to up the reward - Increase the points or decrease cost of something. This kids are very clever - when they ask to increase a reward, it is not because they believe that duty is worth more but because they know if they have more they will get more. We kept our "rewards" more toward fun activities: "up 1/2 hour later", "bike ride with Mom", "Game night with the family", "You get to choose menu for supper", "trip to the zoo". 5. After a set trial period for adjustments (one week?), keep all numbers as is. No increasing points for accomplishing something and no decreasing points to earn something. 6. Be aware that this system will have a life time. Once it gets too frustrating for any of you then you must acknowledge it is not working and go onto something else. Even when it does work as you would like, there will come a time when difficult child will just loose interest and stop using it. Accept that and go on to something else. You do not want this to be the focus of frustration in the house. 7. Build in some "free time". I figured this one out in a recent post where one of the things earned was time on the easy child. Saturday morning looked like it may be an issue in reinforcement of that time. It dawned on me that Saturday morning could be a "free time" of activity for that child. No points used to play the easy child before mom got up for the day. If there is an area such as this situation, go ahead and build in times that are free play so the chart is not the 24/7 focus of the child. Good luck in whatever you do decide to do! :) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Behavior Contracts & Points Systems
Top