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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 291277" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Yes, definitely Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). He doesn't "get it." He doesn't get that other people or animals have feelings and different experiences.</p><p>Having said that, there ARE things you can do.</p><p> </p><p>Ready? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>1) <em>wasting soap and shampoo by mixing them and squishing his toys in the soap when he plays in the tub</em></p><p> </p><p>This is normal but of course with- a difficult child, it is exaggerated. The way you typed it, it sounds like fun! I would love to do that.</p><p>Buy a half doz small empty containers at the dollar store, and divide the liquid soap and shampoo into them. He will have a fit because they are not what he is used to, but when you point out that it's either that or no soap at all, he'll get the point. Do not show him where you hide the other containers.</p><p></p><p>2) <em>using rolls and rolls of toilet paper to fill the toilet bowl or bring to his room to shred</em></p><p> </p><p>Shredding is a great anxiety reducer. Again, you may want to divide and separate the "good" paper from the "other" paper, like the soap, and hide the expensive stuff in your bathroom, and buy dollar store stuff for him to shred. </p><p>Keep a pr of rubber gloves and a bucket next to the toilet to empty it out every day. Make it a regular chore for the two of you, just like vacuuming or cleaning the litter box. Make it fun and expect a mess. He will think you are nuts and probably won't want to participate. The next time he fills the toilet with-paper, be sure to point out that he's got to put on the rubber gloves to clean it up. Give your voice an upbeat, calm lilt, like it's no big deal. This, too, shall pass.</p><p>Give him old phone books to shred in his room. Put one in the car (my son loved to kick and scream in the car and we always had shredded paper all over the back seat).</p><p> </p><p>4) <em>when difficult child's little brother wants to watch preschool shows, difficult child freaks out and rants and raves for sometimes hours</em></p><p> </p><p>Typical Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Let him rave in his room, alone.</p><p>When he is calm (do not attempt to communicate or reason with-him when he is raging) explain that you will set a timer and ea kid will get their own time to watch shows. When he says it isn't fair, agree with-him. Tell him that life isn't fair. Because it isn't.</p><p></p><p>5) <em>when difficult child's little brother wants to watch difficult child play video games, difficult child freaks out and yells at him to 'get out'</em></p><p> </p><p>Maybe the video game is too loud, too fast, or too colorful for difficult child. Or maybe he's just jealous. Can the kids be separated? Where is the brother sitting that he needs to "get out"? If they're sharing a room, there's going to be a problem. Kids with-PDDs don't understand that other people have needs and feelings. All you can do is tell him that there is a rule and stick to it. Consistency, consistency, consistency.</p><p></p><p>6) <em>interrupts adult conversations with incessant noise-making</em></p><p> </p><p>More Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). He doesn't "get it." I've finally (almost) seen an end to this, and my son is 12. He now writes me notes, which is, technically, still interrupting, but less noisy. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Asperger kids are very "in the moment" and want it NOW.</p><p></p><p>7) <em>pokes people</em></p><p> </p><p>You sure my son isn't living with-you?</p><p></p><p>8) <em>yells in people's ears</em></p><p> </p><p> Ditto # 7, plus, yes, this is Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). </p><p></p><p>#9 <em>wakes up sibs in an annoying way (jumping on top of them, using loud noises to wake them)</em></p><p> </p><p>OMG, now I KNOW my son is living in your house! I am so sorry. I will come over right now and get him.</p><p>Just this a.m. I was awakened by having a cat thrown in my face--claws first--and a 70# collie coaxed onto the bed and another cat thrown on top of the collie and a smelly Darth Vader blanket thrown on top of all that. And this is when he's in a GOOD mood!</p><p></p><p>#10 <em>steals sibs phone, ipod, other toys</em></p><p> </p><p>He doesn't get it. It's going to be awhile on this one. Put locks on everyone's doors.</p><p>Role play with-give and take, and borrowing.</p><p></p><p>11) <em>refuses initially to do any job/chore suggested, sometimes will tantrum for extended periods to avoid even the simplest of tasks</em></p><p></p><p>Sheesh. My son again. Sigh. This is where you may need Effexor for yourself, or a glass of wine. Just keep on him. Be persistent. One thing that worked with-my son was </p><p>to threaten to take things out of his rm or to take away a privilege if he didn't do what he was supposed to do. I know Alfie Kohn would not agree, saying it is punitive, but hey, it works. He will freak. Do not lower yourself to his level. Do not yell. Just expect him to yell. Pretend he is a TV set that is too loud and you can't turn it off and you just have to live through it. This, too, shall pass.</p><p>When he's done his chores, make sure you reward him.</p><p>Make sure the reward is given for EXACTLY what you promised him, for EXACTLY what he has done. I'd often try to add on to chores, i.e., "Since you've got the vacuum out, why don't you do that patch over there, too?" That works for a regular person, but not for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/Aspie. It wasn't part of the initial bargain. No go.</p><p>Memorize what you've promised him and write it down if need be or he'll tell you you're lying.</p><p> </p><p>11) <em>bothers our pets (blows on the fur of the cat/hamster to see it move, rattles hamster cage or taps on glass to see the sudden movement the hamster makes, is rough with the cat to make it stay with him)</em></p><p></p><p>This is a "boy" thing, exaggerated by Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). He can't see that he's driving anyone else crazy. It's also immaturity. He will learn. In the meantime, make a rule and if he can't stick to it, the animal goes into "Time Out" in a safe kennel. The animal will appreciate it. Really.</p><p></p><p>12)<em> will flip a game board if he loses</em></p><p> </p><p>Aw, heck, everybody does THAT! It's no fun if McEnroe actually WINS a tennis game, ROFL! </p><p>Your difficult child will learn. I'd suggest that you play a short board game that you can repeat say, 3X in an hr. Tell him that he will win the first two times, lose the third time, and win the fourth time. Then make sure you rig it so that it happens. Also, make <em>sure</em> he wins the last one. I've done this with-a lot of success. Eventually, around age 11, my son was able to lose with-just a sigh. (Yes, I am sick to death of board games.)</p><p></p><p>13) <em>can't stop eating</em></p><p> </p><p>Sounds a bit Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) to me. Make sure you have only good food in the house. No chips, etc. If your son is on Adderall or something for ADHD, that will help calm him down so he isn't always reaching for things. It will also decrease his appetite. Just a thought.</p><p>Does your son hoard things? Mine does. It's better now, but we still find wrappers in his room, and there's no need for it, since there's tons of food downstairs. </p><p>Have his thyroid checked, too.</p><p></p><p>13) <em>rants about any number of things for extended periods, truly can't be ignored because he will YELL about it </em></p><p> </p><p>My son's fave time to do this was midnight, so he would wake up the entire household. Make sure he's in his room when he does it. Or pick a "Ranting Place" where he goes to specifically rage. Read THE MANIPULATIVE CHILD. Chances are, you are letting him get away with-too much yelling because you can't stand it any more. It's an avoidance thing on your part. You're going to have to set up scenarious KNOWING he will yell, CAUSING him to yell, so that you can manipulate the behavior. </p><p>One thing our child psychologist suggested was to have a specific raging time each day. (I think it was directly after dinner; I'm still trying to forget.) We sat difficult child down with-whatever item he raged about most recently, set a timer, and told him, "Okay, start screaming NOW." He looked at us like we were nuts. (It was great fun.) When he'd rage later, we'd take him back to the same chair and tell him that's where he could rage and he missed his time limit, but if he were really lucky, we'd let him do it again.</p><p> </p><p>Whew! I'm exhausted, just remembering all this stuff. I can't believe so many parents on this bb have survived it all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 291277, member: 3419"] Yes, definitely Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). He doesn't "get it." He doesn't get that other people or animals have feelings and different experiences. Having said that, there ARE things you can do. Ready? ;) 1) [I]wasting soap and shampoo by mixing them and squishing his toys in the soap when he plays in the tub[/I] This is normal but of course with- a difficult child, it is exaggerated. The way you typed it, it sounds like fun! I would love to do that. Buy a half doz small empty containers at the dollar store, and divide the liquid soap and shampoo into them. He will have a fit because they are not what he is used to, but when you point out that it's either that or no soap at all, he'll get the point. Do not show him where you hide the other containers. 2) [I]using rolls and rolls of toilet paper to fill the toilet bowl or bring to his room to shred[/I] Shredding is a great anxiety reducer. Again, you may want to divide and separate the "good" paper from the "other" paper, like the soap, and hide the expensive stuff in your bathroom, and buy dollar store stuff for him to shred. Keep a pr of rubber gloves and a bucket next to the toilet to empty it out every day. Make it a regular chore for the two of you, just like vacuuming or cleaning the litter box. Make it fun and expect a mess. He will think you are nuts and probably won't want to participate. The next time he fills the toilet with-paper, be sure to point out that he's got to put on the rubber gloves to clean it up. Give your voice an upbeat, calm lilt, like it's no big deal. This, too, shall pass. Give him old phone books to shred in his room. Put one in the car (my son loved to kick and scream in the car and we always had shredded paper all over the back seat). 4) [I]when difficult child's little brother wants to watch preschool shows, difficult child freaks out and rants and raves for sometimes hours[/I] Typical Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Let him rave in his room, alone. When he is calm (do not attempt to communicate or reason with-him when he is raging) explain that you will set a timer and ea kid will get their own time to watch shows. When he says it isn't fair, agree with-him. Tell him that life isn't fair. Because it isn't. 5) [I]when difficult child's little brother wants to watch difficult child play video games, difficult child freaks out and yells at him to 'get out'[/I] Maybe the video game is too loud, too fast, or too colorful for difficult child. Or maybe he's just jealous. Can the kids be separated? Where is the brother sitting that he needs to "get out"? If they're sharing a room, there's going to be a problem. Kids with-PDDs don't understand that other people have needs and feelings. All you can do is tell him that there is a rule and stick to it. Consistency, consistency, consistency. 6) [I]interrupts adult conversations with incessant noise-making[/I] More Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). He doesn't "get it." I've finally (almost) seen an end to this, and my son is 12. He now writes me notes, which is, technically, still interrupting, but less noisy. :) Asperger kids are very "in the moment" and want it NOW. 7) [I]pokes people[/I] You sure my son isn't living with-you? 8) [I]yells in people's ears[/I] Ditto # 7, plus, yes, this is Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). #9 [I]wakes up sibs in an annoying way (jumping on top of them, using loud noises to wake them)[/I] OMG, now I KNOW my son is living in your house! I am so sorry. I will come over right now and get him. Just this a.m. I was awakened by having a cat thrown in my face--claws first--and a 70# collie coaxed onto the bed and another cat thrown on top of the collie and a smelly Darth Vader blanket thrown on top of all that. And this is when he's in a GOOD mood! #10 [I]steals sibs phone, ipod, other toys[/I] He doesn't get it. It's going to be awhile on this one. Put locks on everyone's doors. Role play with-give and take, and borrowing. 11) [I]refuses initially to do any job/chore suggested, sometimes will tantrum for extended periods to avoid even the simplest of tasks[/I] Sheesh. My son again. Sigh. This is where you may need Effexor for yourself, or a glass of wine. Just keep on him. Be persistent. One thing that worked with-my son was to threaten to take things out of his rm or to take away a privilege if he didn't do what he was supposed to do. I know Alfie Kohn would not agree, saying it is punitive, but hey, it works. He will freak. Do not lower yourself to his level. Do not yell. Just expect him to yell. Pretend he is a TV set that is too loud and you can't turn it off and you just have to live through it. This, too, shall pass. When he's done his chores, make sure you reward him. Make sure the reward is given for EXACTLY what you promised him, for EXACTLY what he has done. I'd often try to add on to chores, i.e., "Since you've got the vacuum out, why don't you do that patch over there, too?" That works for a regular person, but not for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/Aspie. It wasn't part of the initial bargain. No go. Memorize what you've promised him and write it down if need be or he'll tell you you're lying. 11) [I]bothers our pets (blows on the fur of the cat/hamster to see it move, rattles hamster cage or taps on glass to see the sudden movement the hamster makes, is rough with the cat to make it stay with him)[/I] This is a "boy" thing, exaggerated by Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). He can't see that he's driving anyone else crazy. It's also immaturity. He will learn. In the meantime, make a rule and if he can't stick to it, the animal goes into "Time Out" in a safe kennel. The animal will appreciate it. Really. 12)[I] will flip a game board if he loses[/I] Aw, heck, everybody does THAT! It's no fun if McEnroe actually WINS a tennis game, ROFL! Your difficult child will learn. I'd suggest that you play a short board game that you can repeat say, 3X in an hr. Tell him that he will win the first two times, lose the third time, and win the fourth time. Then make sure you rig it so that it happens. Also, make [I]sure[/I] he wins the last one. I've done this with-a lot of success. Eventually, around age 11, my son was able to lose with-just a sigh. (Yes, I am sick to death of board games.) 13) [I]can't stop eating[/I] Sounds a bit Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) to me. Make sure you have only good food in the house. No chips, etc. If your son is on Adderall or something for ADHD, that will help calm him down so he isn't always reaching for things. It will also decrease his appetite. Just a thought. Does your son hoard things? Mine does. It's better now, but we still find wrappers in his room, and there's no need for it, since there's tons of food downstairs. Have his thyroid checked, too. 13) [I]rants about any number of things for extended periods, truly can't be ignored because he will YELL about it [/I] My son's fave time to do this was midnight, so he would wake up the entire household. Make sure he's in his room when he does it. Or pick a "Ranting Place" where he goes to specifically rage. Read THE MANIPULATIVE CHILD. Chances are, you are letting him get away with-too much yelling because you can't stand it any more. It's an avoidance thing on your part. You're going to have to set up scenarious KNOWING he will yell, CAUSING him to yell, so that you can manipulate the behavior. One thing our child psychologist suggested was to have a specific raging time each day. (I think it was directly after dinner; I'm still trying to forget.) We sat difficult child down with-whatever item he raged about most recently, set a timer, and told him, "Okay, start screaming NOW." He looked at us like we were nuts. (It was great fun.) When he'd rage later, we'd take him back to the same chair and tell him that's where he could rage and he missed his time limit, but if he were really lucky, we'd let him do it again. Whew! I'm exhausted, just remembering all this stuff. I can't believe so many parents on this bb have survived it all. [/QUOTE]
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