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bio dad & difficult child guilt
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 168981" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Mstng's message is wonderful, I hope you do read it to your son.</p><p></p><p>My girls have gone through this as well. At 20 and 24, they've both chosen, finally to simply ignore their father. It seemed every time they would call or make an attempt to communicate with him or see him (he stopped regular visitation when they were 12 and 16), they got kicked in the teeth, and told how screwed up (only not using that term) their lives are. He ignores birthdays and holidays, yet blasts them for ignoring fathers day and his birthday. The law straw was last summer when their father completely ignored Oldest's wedding day, didn't call, didn't show. Neither girl has had contact with him since. </p><p></p><p>I think it takes age and maturity to come to grips with this (omg did I just almost call my difficult children mature?!).. at least, to slowly accept that the situation is what it is. That doesn't make it any less painful. For years I bit my tongue and did my best not to bad-mouth their father, but now that they are older, when they complain to me, I will give them my honest opinion. Which is that their father is likely mentally ill, will never change, does love them in his own way but is simply incapable of maintaining a relationship with them or being supportive. He just .. can't .. do it. Period. I've had to work on my own acceptance of this as well .. and it's not easy. It may be "his loss," but he's not the one suffering from it. Not in his mind, anyway.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs to you and your son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 168981, member: 1157"] Mstng's message is wonderful, I hope you do read it to your son. My girls have gone through this as well. At 20 and 24, they've both chosen, finally to simply ignore their father. It seemed every time they would call or make an attempt to communicate with him or see him (he stopped regular visitation when they were 12 and 16), they got kicked in the teeth, and told how screwed up (only not using that term) their lives are. He ignores birthdays and holidays, yet blasts them for ignoring fathers day and his birthday. The law straw was last summer when their father completely ignored Oldest's wedding day, didn't call, didn't show. Neither girl has had contact with him since. I think it takes age and maturity to come to grips with this (omg did I just almost call my difficult children mature?!).. at least, to slowly accept that the situation is what it is. That doesn't make it any less painful. For years I bit my tongue and did my best not to bad-mouth their father, but now that they are older, when they complain to me, I will give them my honest opinion. Which is that their father is likely mentally ill, will never change, does love them in his own way but is simply incapable of maintaining a relationship with them or being supportive. He just .. can't .. do it. Period. I've had to work on my own acceptance of this as well .. and it's not easy. It may be "his loss," but he's not the one suffering from it. Not in his mind, anyway. Many hugs to you and your son. [/QUOTE]
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