A number of things come out of this for me:
1) This is wonderful news to hear. All too often, the only time anyone speaks up is to say something negative tat they want us to "fix".
2) That means that perhaps we need to do something positive in response to this good news - pass on the good vibes. Congratulate difficult child on being so helpful.
3) Take it further. Try to make a point of saying something positive (and true) to a total stranger (if possible) every day. For example, if you see a woman ahead of you in the supermarket who is wearing a lovely shirt, or a pretty brooch, or whose hair is a lovely colour, or someone who for whatever good reason catches your eye, then share it with them. "That is a lovely colour on you," can really lift someone's spirits. Too often we're suspicious of other people instead of recognising that they are like us and need love and compassion too.
Yesterday there was another small local art gallery open day and we visited briefly with difficult child 3. Because it was noisy he only stayed a few minutes then chose to go sit in the car. However, in that time he spoke to a former teacher from the local school who is married to the bus driver.
Some time later as the crowd cleared, the bus driver came up to speak to me. "My wife enjoyed talking to difficult child 3," he said. "My, that boy has grown! I remember when he was so small and always getting picked on. Those horrible kids would start something, it was never difficult child 3 but they always said it was."
I explained how they got away with this constantly at the local school and how I had too often believed the school myself (or had to give them the benefit of the doubt). I also remembered how this driver had made a point of insisting that difficult child 3 sit either beside him, or right behind him where he could be watched - I had thought it was because he didn't trust difficult child 3, but it was in fact to be able to witness that difficult child 3 wasn't the troublemaker; and to also keep him safe from the bullies.
I also remembered the phone calls from school claiming that the bus driver had complained about difficult child 3 - I had never received a complaining call from the driver himself. So now I wonder - was the school responding to a report from the driver of an incident where difficult child 3 was attacked, and the school then blamed difficult child 3 on the say-so of the other kid? THAT I know happened far too much.
So the final point here - always recognise that somewhere inside, you have a good kid who wants to fit in and to be seen as a worthwhile person. And chances are, he may not always be the problem that others see him to be.
Marg
