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can I say this here?
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 595998" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Yes, it's okay to say that here. Many (most?) of us have felt this way about our difficult children at one point or another. It is normal to dislike someone who's making your life miserable, even if it's your own child. Don't beat up on yourself. It's a grind, and it's painful.</p><p></p><p>Now, as to strategies for dealing with it. DaisyFace and Terry have both made excellent points. Your difficult child has learned that he can manipulate your whole family by pitching a fit and behaving badly. Trying to manage your lives so as not to set him off teaches him that he has the power in your household, and everyone else's job is to please and appease him. You need to break the cycle, especially with summer holidays coming up, otherwise a bad time will be had by all.</p><p></p><p>Can you sign him up for activities without his consent? Drop him off in the morning, and leave? Whether he's happy or miserable at the activity, you and your easy child have some peaceful time.</p><p></p><p>Re: the constant phone calls? You might try what I did with my difficult child, who has a terrible tendency to over-communicate. Don't answer. Turn the ringer to vibrate or silent, and set a rule that he can send text messages but not call you. If he phones, let it go to voicemail, and reply by text. Sometimes taking the verbal component out of the conversation helps to take the emotion out of it as well.</p><p></p><p>It is a very hard thing to change everyone's behaviour and habits. If you have a therapist or other resource who can help you all to break existing patterns that might help too. </p><p></p><p>Good luck, and hugs,</p><p>*Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 595998, member: 3907"] Yes, it's okay to say that here. Many (most?) of us have felt this way about our difficult children at one point or another. It is normal to dislike someone who's making your life miserable, even if it's your own child. Don't beat up on yourself. It's a grind, and it's painful. Now, as to strategies for dealing with it. DaisyFace and Terry have both made excellent points. Your difficult child has learned that he can manipulate your whole family by pitching a fit and behaving badly. Trying to manage your lives so as not to set him off teaches him that he has the power in your household, and everyone else's job is to please and appease him. You need to break the cycle, especially with summer holidays coming up, otherwise a bad time will be had by all. Can you sign him up for activities without his consent? Drop him off in the morning, and leave? Whether he's happy or miserable at the activity, you and your easy child have some peaceful time. Re: the constant phone calls? You might try what I did with my difficult child, who has a terrible tendency to over-communicate. Don't answer. Turn the ringer to vibrate or silent, and set a rule that he can send text messages but not call you. If he phones, let it go to voicemail, and reply by text. Sometimes taking the verbal component out of the conversation helps to take the emotion out of it as well. It is a very hard thing to change everyone's behaviour and habits. If you have a therapist or other resource who can help you all to break existing patterns that might help too. Good luck, and hugs, *Trinity [/QUOTE]
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