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Cant get her to do ANYTHING!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 167528" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>You sound like the little train that could going up the hill - I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. </p><p> </p><p>The problem that you are facing is one a lot of us here have faced. I have a boy - he did similar things. I was NOT properly prepared to not LIVE in my own house while making him obey our rules. Here's what I mean about prepared. </p><p> </p><p>See I too, did the "If you don't pick up after yourself I will throw any and EVERY thing away that I have to pick up." Now while this SOUNDS reasonable to you, a difficult child teen will think "I have eminent domain, my stuff is my stuff, if you throw away my stuff, I will throw away YOUR stuff." (my stuff being - collectables, etc.) but we dont' think of preparing our house to look like a poor end of town group home - </p><p> </p><p>So in preparation of "I'm sick of your mess, and throwing stuff out." Here are a few tips. </p><p> </p><p>Box up anything of value you treasure - Box, up anything that is glass, including pictures on the wall. They will be thrown away or broken for spite. </p><p> </p><p>Get a locking gas cap - yup - you throw out my stuff I dump sugar in your gas can - HOW is that for expensive Mom? </p><p> </p><p>Get a basket for you and for husband - ALL and I mean ALL of your bathroom supplies go in with you at shower and go OUT with you at showers end. NOTHING is left in the bathroom. </p><p> </p><p>Lock up all your towels - THIS was a BRAINCHILD of DF - Teens are notoriously dirty pigs, and will use clean towels for every breath if possible - Gather all your towels, wash, dry, fold and HIDE in your room. Teen gets 1 towel a week. You will NOT belive the time you save yourself - ALSO your dirty towels? Locked up - a teen will use YOUR used towels instead of finding and hanging to dry HER towel. </p><p> </p><p>LOCKS - ON EVERY DOOR - I can not stress this enough. EVERY DOOR - and you and DF have the keys. The keys stay on a springy thing on your wrist at all times. Bathroom doesn't get locked - there is nothing in there. </p><p> </p><p>Your purse - LOCKED UP. </p><p> </p><p>Then you get a laundry basket - and you set your daughter /teen down and say "Here is how it's going to be - WHEN I find things in MY house - that are YOURs I will be throwing them into this basket for the first week ONLY and placing the basket ON YOUR BED. If I find after 1 week that you can't keep your stuff in YOUR room then on XX date I will begin throwing your stuff away. (teens at this point will start to look around for YOUR stuff which is NOW cleverly hidden, and packed up) TRUST ME. </p><p> </p><p>Then on XX date that you decided upon and signed a contract over - you tell her that ON THIS DATE - I am giving you 2 weeks from today - to clean that room to a useable fashion. Not MY perfect - but useable. IF BY XX date 2 weeks from now it is NOT? THEN I WILL be bringing in garbage bags and WE WILL throw stuff out and at that point you WILL NOT be invited to "help Clean" IT WILL BE GOING TO THE DUMP. </p><p> </p><p>-Then THROW IT OUT. Tell her if it get to that point that there will be NO NONE NADA purchasing of anything for her new school year. NOT ONE SOCK. and she will be left with what YOU think she NEEDS to survive on - and then reinforce that this is HER CHOICE - if SHE CHOOSES TO NOT make an effort from that point on - she wont' HAVE anything for you to throw out. NOTHING. IT WILL BE A FULL RILEY - and a bed, sheet, blanket, pillow, and 4 walls - And the things of value that are hers will also be locked up and as she helps AROUND the house with her daily chorse (3 chores is not unreasonable for a 17 year old) she can EARN her stuff back. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The other option to not having ulcers would be to SHUT her door and let her live in squallor behind the door - but anything outside that door is fair game for the trash. </p><p> </p><p>I have had over the years to pull 3 Fulll Riley's on Dude's room. And we cleaned it ALL out - he came home to a bed, and 4 walls. NOTHING else. He was given a choice - he chose NOT to comply. Our rules were clear. His choices were clear. </p><p> </p><p>When he chose NOT to do a single chore - we gave him a move out date. He didn't think we were serious. When the State called him the night before he went to the group home he was in shock. I told him - "WE can not continue to live like this - I could deal with some mess, and some chores, but you don't want to pitch in, you dont' want to take care of your own stuff, and you are certainly NOT taking care of my stuff and I didnt' raise you to be like this." He actually agreed. The odd thing was when he got to the group home despite the caseworker telling us it was nice? It was NOT. It was health dept. nasty - and since living there with bugs, filth and stink, no food and no supervision? He's been good about his own room at the fosters. </p><p> </p><p>Good luck -</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 167528, member: 4964"] You sound like the little train that could going up the hill - I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. The problem that you are facing is one a lot of us here have faced. I have a boy - he did similar things. I was NOT properly prepared to not LIVE in my own house while making him obey our rules. Here's what I mean about prepared. See I too, did the "If you don't pick up after yourself I will throw any and EVERY thing away that I have to pick up." Now while this SOUNDS reasonable to you, a difficult child teen will think "I have eminent domain, my stuff is my stuff, if you throw away my stuff, I will throw away YOUR stuff." (my stuff being - collectables, etc.) but we dont' think of preparing our house to look like a poor end of town group home - So in preparation of "I'm sick of your mess, and throwing stuff out." Here are a few tips. Box up anything of value you treasure - Box, up anything that is glass, including pictures on the wall. They will be thrown away or broken for spite. Get a locking gas cap - yup - you throw out my stuff I dump sugar in your gas can - HOW is that for expensive Mom? Get a basket for you and for husband - ALL and I mean ALL of your bathroom supplies go in with you at shower and go OUT with you at showers end. NOTHING is left in the bathroom. Lock up all your towels - THIS was a BRAINCHILD of DF - Teens are notoriously dirty pigs, and will use clean towels for every breath if possible - Gather all your towels, wash, dry, fold and HIDE in your room. Teen gets 1 towel a week. You will NOT belive the time you save yourself - ALSO your dirty towels? Locked up - a teen will use YOUR used towels instead of finding and hanging to dry HER towel. LOCKS - ON EVERY DOOR - I can not stress this enough. EVERY DOOR - and you and DF have the keys. The keys stay on a springy thing on your wrist at all times. Bathroom doesn't get locked - there is nothing in there. Your purse - LOCKED UP. Then you get a laundry basket - and you set your daughter /teen down and say "Here is how it's going to be - WHEN I find things in MY house - that are YOURs I will be throwing them into this basket for the first week ONLY and placing the basket ON YOUR BED. If I find after 1 week that you can't keep your stuff in YOUR room then on XX date I will begin throwing your stuff away. (teens at this point will start to look around for YOUR stuff which is NOW cleverly hidden, and packed up) TRUST ME. Then on XX date that you decided upon and signed a contract over - you tell her that ON THIS DATE - I am giving you 2 weeks from today - to clean that room to a useable fashion. Not MY perfect - but useable. IF BY XX date 2 weeks from now it is NOT? THEN I WILL be bringing in garbage bags and WE WILL throw stuff out and at that point you WILL NOT be invited to "help Clean" IT WILL BE GOING TO THE DUMP. -Then THROW IT OUT. Tell her if it get to that point that there will be NO NONE NADA purchasing of anything for her new school year. NOT ONE SOCK. and she will be left with what YOU think she NEEDS to survive on - and then reinforce that this is HER CHOICE - if SHE CHOOSES TO NOT make an effort from that point on - she wont' HAVE anything for you to throw out. NOTHING. IT WILL BE A FULL RILEY - and a bed, sheet, blanket, pillow, and 4 walls - And the things of value that are hers will also be locked up and as she helps AROUND the house with her daily chorse (3 chores is not unreasonable for a 17 year old) she can EARN her stuff back. The other option to not having ulcers would be to SHUT her door and let her live in squallor behind the door - but anything outside that door is fair game for the trash. I have had over the years to pull 3 Fulll Riley's on Dude's room. And we cleaned it ALL out - he came home to a bed, and 4 walls. NOTHING else. He was given a choice - he chose NOT to comply. Our rules were clear. His choices were clear. When he chose NOT to do a single chore - we gave him a move out date. He didn't think we were serious. When the State called him the night before he went to the group home he was in shock. I told him - "WE can not continue to live like this - I could deal with some mess, and some chores, but you don't want to pitch in, you dont' want to take care of your own stuff, and you are certainly NOT taking care of my stuff and I didnt' raise you to be like this." He actually agreed. The odd thing was when he got to the group home despite the caseworker telling us it was nice? It was NOT. It was health dept. nasty - and since living there with bugs, filth and stink, no food and no supervision? He's been good about his own room at the fosters. Good luck - [/QUOTE]
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