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Can't give an inch...
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 642232" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Well I think that the problem with communicating in writing is that sometimes people don't make themselves clear and sometimes things strike you in ways they wouldn't in person. I don't think that. I do think that everyone's own situation tends to color the way they see others. I'm not in the dark. I'm not in denial. I know perfectly well what my son is and has done. I simply have hope that he won't be the same person at 25 that he is at 19. People change. I believe he's quite capable of changing...if he chooses. </p><p></p><p>THIS is what I took exception to: </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I started this thread because I hate the lack of trust. It sucks that I can't just give my kid a helping hand without it opening the floodgates to more expectation and reliance. But, otherwise things are actually not going so bad. Yes...one more write up and he's out, but J-1 got kicked out so he isn't there as often, he finally got a job, and he seems to be taking that more seriously. He's already been told...by me...that if he gets kicked out he'll not be coming home. As I said, at this point, I still have hope.</p><p></p><p>So again, I did not mean to offend. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes...there's no doubt that there's too much nature over nurture there. He's very like his biodad in a lot of ways, much more intelligent, but still there are a lot of things that remind me and have since he was very little. Jabber is a wonderful husband and father and a truly good and honorable man. I so wish his example had rubbed off a little more. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I just don't even know what to say to that except... <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" />That was so sweet. Thank you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Right. I separated from the ex when my son was about seven months old. Finally divorced about a year later. Married Jabber right after his 5th birthday (literally - 3 days after). The ex never showed his face again after that and Jabber adopted him when he was 7. Ex died soon after.</p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p>How about 30? <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/redface.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":redface:" title="redface :redface:" data-shortname=":redface:" /> Yeah. Idiot. Living proof that the biological clock can make an otherwise intelligent woman do incredibly stupid things. I wanted to get married and have babies and he said and did all the right things. Told me all his difficult child past...and all the wonderful things he'd done too...and I married him so fast I didn't realize all the bad stuff was true, but all the good stuff was lies. Would have left him nine months later...unfortunately, I'd gotten pregnant two months before that. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is wonderful news! Have you seen him much before this? I got the impression that you hadn't. Oh I do hope you get to! </p><p></p><p>So he called in the offer to drive him to work tonight. I didn't mind. After all, it's less than 2 1/2 miles from my house to the shelter to his workplace. I even grabbed some leftovers...but he didn't need them, he'd made arrangements to take some left-over pizza from the shelter for his lunch. He griped a little about the walk home at 4 a.m...I told him "tough"...and made sure he knew that, while I might occasionally give him a ride when it's pouring rain, not to expect it on a regular basis. Next time he asks, unless it is pouring down rain or snow, I'm going to have to say no for sure so he doesn't get too confident. </p><p></p><p>Right now I have my fingers crossed and that's as good as it gets I suppose.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 642232, member: 17309"] Well I think that the problem with communicating in writing is that sometimes people don't make themselves clear and sometimes things strike you in ways they wouldn't in person. I don't think that. I do think that everyone's own situation tends to color the way they see others. I'm not in the dark. I'm not in denial. I know perfectly well what my son is and has done. I simply have hope that he won't be the same person at 25 that he is at 19. People change. I believe he's quite capable of changing...if he chooses. THIS is what I took exception to: I started this thread because I hate the lack of trust. It sucks that I can't just give my kid a helping hand without it opening the floodgates to more expectation and reliance. But, otherwise things are actually not going so bad. Yes...one more write up and he's out, but J-1 got kicked out so he isn't there as often, he finally got a job, and he seems to be taking that more seriously. He's already been told...by me...that if he gets kicked out he'll not be coming home. As I said, at this point, I still have hope. So again, I did not mean to offend. Yes...there's no doubt that there's too much nature over nurture there. He's very like his biodad in a lot of ways, much more intelligent, but still there are a lot of things that remind me and have since he was very little. Jabber is a wonderful husband and father and a truly good and honorable man. I so wish his example had rubbed off a little more. I just don't even know what to say to that except... :hugs:That was so sweet. Thank you. Right. I separated from the ex when my son was about seven months old. Finally divorced about a year later. Married Jabber right after his 5th birthday (literally - 3 days after). The ex never showed his face again after that and Jabber adopted him when he was 7. Ex died soon after. How about 30? :redface: Yeah. Idiot. Living proof that the biological clock can make an otherwise intelligent woman do incredibly stupid things. I wanted to get married and have babies and he said and did all the right things. Told me all his difficult child past...and all the wonderful things he'd done too...and I married him so fast I didn't realize all the bad stuff was true, but all the good stuff was lies. Would have left him nine months later...unfortunately, I'd gotten pregnant two months before that. That is wonderful news! Have you seen him much before this? I got the impression that you hadn't. Oh I do hope you get to! So he called in the offer to drive him to work tonight. I didn't mind. After all, it's less than 2 1/2 miles from my house to the shelter to his workplace. I even grabbed some leftovers...but he didn't need them, he'd made arrangements to take some left-over pizza from the shelter for his lunch. He griped a little about the walk home at 4 a.m...I told him "tough"...and made sure he knew that, while I might occasionally give him a ride when it's pouring rain, not to expect it on a regular basis. Next time he asks, unless it is pouring down rain or snow, I'm going to have to say no for sure so he doesn't get too confident. Right now I have my fingers crossed and that's as good as it gets I suppose. [/QUOTE]
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