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Caught on tape and husband's response...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 569662" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think you need to take a step back and see this from an outsider's perspective. If this was a Lifetime movie, you would be yelling for the mom to take the easy child and dog and RUN RUN RUN! You would be asking the tv character mom why she cannot see how abusive both her son AND HUSBAND are to her.</p><p></p><p>Yes. Your HUSBAND is abusing you. He is minimizing your feelings and telling you that you are not in danger and are the cause of the problem and if you just didn't upset/irritate/annoy difficult child then difficult child wouldn't be a difficult child and wouldn't hurt anyone. He is using his fake tears and fake emotions to trap you in an abusive relationship so that his life is not inconvenienced.</p><p></p><p>Abuse isn't just the outright things we think of, and is can come from siblings, children, spouses, or anyone else. You are abused by your child and husband, and your easy child is abused by his father and brother. You are also ALLOWING easy child to be abused by not getting him out of there and keeping him out.</p><p></p><p>I DO know how hard this is. My husband refused to think we had real problems with difficult child for years. Why should he? I was the one who did the restraints and appointments and when difficult child raged? husband kept the other kids in the other room and left me mostly alone with difficult child. He would come in if I insisted, but he pretty much was just a warm body that did what he was told, so he wasn't an active support in any way really. Even when I found Wiz choking J in the middle of the night, husband slept through it until I was in the doorway screaming for him to help me. By then I had Wiz attacking me and I was trying to be sure J was still breathing. To this day J has tough time trusting husband because he mostly ignored or was oblivious to what Wiz did. husband was actually shocked when he read the list of things Wiz had done to J after I brought it home from the psychiatric hospital. He told me he thought Wiz made it up to sound like a tough guy and J heard him say that. It was one of very few times she ever yelled at him and she totally freaked. She thought husband was going to bring him home. That was the day I realized that she honestly expected to be killed by Wiz before she was 12. THAT was enough of a shock to help snap husband out of it. Of course 1 1/2 yrs later when I pressed charges of assault, husband thought I was being overly excitable, though he didn't go against me at all. He just kept saying eh wasn't there and didn't know what happened. </p><p></p><p>YOU must take control and refuse to be alone at home with difficult child. Tell school to call his father and not you, that only his father will be picking him up from now on. Take your easy child and dog and RUN. Get OUT before irreparable harm is done to you and to easy child. Wiz does not have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), and he was very dangerous. we did learn that the problems when he was found choking J and ended up in psychiatric hospital for 4 mos were aggravated and spurred on by a crazy sp ed teacher who did all sorts of unethical and downright illegal things and knowingly spurred him into psychosis and delusions and magical thinking. We found a notebook where she was helping him plan to run away to Japan to go find the real, live pokemon - you know, the ones the cartoons are about. They looked up how to get a passport for someone not your child, plane fare, etc... I don't think it was a serious plan, but she sure fed into his delusions. she also encouraged a belief that J and I were demons and he was supposed to 'vanquish' us. this was NOT creative writing and she is a crazy witch and the school was hit with a large class action lawsuit because she did this to more than just my child - usually 1-2 boys per year got this 'help' from her. </p><p></p><p>With a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis, the child is even more dangerous. GET OUT NOW. I know husband will cry, be upset, etc.... But you KNOW what your instincts are saying, and you NEED to follow them. The times that we regret the most are usually the ones where we ignored our instincts because someone made promises or laid a bunch of guilt on us. Who would you rather see cry? husband or easy child? By giving in to husband and staying because he cries, you are allowing difficult child to have far mroe access to easy child and this causes easy child a lot of pain and tears. As a mom, your primary job is to protect your child. When one child s hurting another, you must protect the one being hurt. You might want to look at it as working to keep difficult child out of going to prison for killing his brother or you. Yes, it CAN get to that point. If you don't take BIG steps, it actually MAY get to that point.</p><p></p><p>We spent several years not ever leaving Wiz and J in a room alone. I took J to the bathroom if husband wasn't home AND in the room AND paying attention, and husband took Wiz if I wasn't doing those things. husband never even had a beer unless the kids were asleep because we couldn't afford to have any senses dulled because that was when Wiz hurt someone, usually J. It was AWFUL and no way to live. You CANNOT maintain that level of vigilance if your husband isn't home every evening and esp if he does not agree and work wth you. The way he blames you, your husband is not going to help in any meaningful way.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, and I know I sound blunt and maybe dramatic. But reality with a kid like your difficult child IS blunt and dramatic and dangerous. You would never let a stranger treat you or easy child or even your dog the way your husband and difficult child are treating you all. Think about that long and hard. then do what is needed to protect your child because that is what moms are supposed to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 569662, member: 1233"] I think you need to take a step back and see this from an outsider's perspective. If this was a Lifetime movie, you would be yelling for the mom to take the easy child and dog and RUN RUN RUN! You would be asking the tv character mom why she cannot see how abusive both her son AND HUSBAND are to her. Yes. Your HUSBAND is abusing you. He is minimizing your feelings and telling you that you are not in danger and are the cause of the problem and if you just didn't upset/irritate/annoy difficult child then difficult child wouldn't be a difficult child and wouldn't hurt anyone. He is using his fake tears and fake emotions to trap you in an abusive relationship so that his life is not inconvenienced. Abuse isn't just the outright things we think of, and is can come from siblings, children, spouses, or anyone else. You are abused by your child and husband, and your easy child is abused by his father and brother. You are also ALLOWING easy child to be abused by not getting him out of there and keeping him out. I DO know how hard this is. My husband refused to think we had real problems with difficult child for years. Why should he? I was the one who did the restraints and appointments and when difficult child raged? husband kept the other kids in the other room and left me mostly alone with difficult child. He would come in if I insisted, but he pretty much was just a warm body that did what he was told, so he wasn't an active support in any way really. Even when I found Wiz choking J in the middle of the night, husband slept through it until I was in the doorway screaming for him to help me. By then I had Wiz attacking me and I was trying to be sure J was still breathing. To this day J has tough time trusting husband because he mostly ignored or was oblivious to what Wiz did. husband was actually shocked when he read the list of things Wiz had done to J after I brought it home from the psychiatric hospital. He told me he thought Wiz made it up to sound like a tough guy and J heard him say that. It was one of very few times she ever yelled at him and she totally freaked. She thought husband was going to bring him home. That was the day I realized that she honestly expected to be killed by Wiz before she was 12. THAT was enough of a shock to help snap husband out of it. Of course 1 1/2 yrs later when I pressed charges of assault, husband thought I was being overly excitable, though he didn't go against me at all. He just kept saying eh wasn't there and didn't know what happened. YOU must take control and refuse to be alone at home with difficult child. Tell school to call his father and not you, that only his father will be picking him up from now on. Take your easy child and dog and RUN. Get OUT before irreparable harm is done to you and to easy child. Wiz does not have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), and he was very dangerous. we did learn that the problems when he was found choking J and ended up in psychiatric hospital for 4 mos were aggravated and spurred on by a crazy sp ed teacher who did all sorts of unethical and downright illegal things and knowingly spurred him into psychosis and delusions and magical thinking. We found a notebook where she was helping him plan to run away to Japan to go find the real, live pokemon - you know, the ones the cartoons are about. They looked up how to get a passport for someone not your child, plane fare, etc... I don't think it was a serious plan, but she sure fed into his delusions. she also encouraged a belief that J and I were demons and he was supposed to 'vanquish' us. this was NOT creative writing and she is a crazy witch and the school was hit with a large class action lawsuit because she did this to more than just my child - usually 1-2 boys per year got this 'help' from her. With a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis, the child is even more dangerous. GET OUT NOW. I know husband will cry, be upset, etc.... But you KNOW what your instincts are saying, and you NEED to follow them. The times that we regret the most are usually the ones where we ignored our instincts because someone made promises or laid a bunch of guilt on us. Who would you rather see cry? husband or easy child? By giving in to husband and staying because he cries, you are allowing difficult child to have far mroe access to easy child and this causes easy child a lot of pain and tears. As a mom, your primary job is to protect your child. When one child s hurting another, you must protect the one being hurt. You might want to look at it as working to keep difficult child out of going to prison for killing his brother or you. Yes, it CAN get to that point. If you don't take BIG steps, it actually MAY get to that point. We spent several years not ever leaving Wiz and J in a room alone. I took J to the bathroom if husband wasn't home AND in the room AND paying attention, and husband took Wiz if I wasn't doing those things. husband never even had a beer unless the kids were asleep because we couldn't afford to have any senses dulled because that was when Wiz hurt someone, usually J. It was AWFUL and no way to live. You CANNOT maintain that level of vigilance if your husband isn't home every evening and esp if he does not agree and work wth you. The way he blames you, your husband is not going to help in any meaningful way. I am sorry, and I know I sound blunt and maybe dramatic. But reality with a kid like your difficult child IS blunt and dramatic and dangerous. You would never let a stranger treat you or easy child or even your dog the way your husband and difficult child are treating you all. Think about that long and hard. then do what is needed to protect your child because that is what moms are supposed to do. [/QUOTE]
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