Cell phone concern #2 happens.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Jul 20, 2011.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sheesh. Is it Monday?

    husband has his "visitation" with cgfg in the summer from 6pm on Friday, to 6pm on the following Friday. We deviate from that some, as needed, and cgfg's mom has some, also, when things come up.

    Cgfg wanted to go to my mom's for a few days, so she is there. 200 miles from here. I planned to meet mom on Friday to pick up cgfg and get her back to her mom's by 6.

    I get a text from cgfg today. Her mom has text her and told her to be home by 1 Friday. She wants cgfg to babysit her stepkids.

    Grrr. I was afraid of that. And hell would freeze over if we attempt to play that the other direction.
     
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    husband doesn't know whether to say something to her mom or not. I don't really, either. It would be one thing if her mom let her come and go between here and there of her own will, but her mom won't allow that. And it wouldn't be a big deal if cgfg was sitting her doing nothing on Friday. But she's not. AND, there's the fact that if she's to her mom's by 1, that means MY mom has to drive her there, instead of meeting me. I'm tempted to tell her mom to drive the 200 miles and get her if she wants her by 1.

    If he doesn't say anything, this will be the pattern. If he does, she'll be mad about it. But the point of the cell phone wasn't to bypass the other parent...and I fully expected this from her....

    I also expect her mom to use it, too. We have unlimited text and more minutes than we can ever use...I fully expect her mom to use ours and save her. Not a big deal, tho. Not worried much about that.
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I wouldn't be tempted, that's exactly what I'd do. She'd either get over it or not.

    We were to have katie the whole summer when she was 4 because I was pregnant with easy child and we wanting to make sure she felt included, and wanted her present for the birth so she could start off at the beginning with her baby sibling. BM was all for it. No problem. Until 2 months into it someone informed her that she'd have to repay the child support she received for the 3 months we had her. Next thing we knew we got a call she wanted us to bring her home. We told her if she wanted her home before the agreed upon time then she could come pick her up herself. (8 hr trip at least one way) We had no intention of calling her on the child support issue. easy child was born the night she left. I was so darn mad.

    I'm guessing this was agreed upon. Make her stick to it. She doesn't like it, tough luck find someone else to babysit. Or pick her up yourself.
     
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Cgfg says she told her she can't be there by 1 because grandma would have to drive it all, and it would be up to what time grandma could make it IF she drove all the way. She said her mom told her to be home around that time, no if's, and's, or but's. I told my mom to make no effort whatsoever to get her there by 1.

    I'm also certain, if we say something, she'll say "well you didn't have her, anyway, so what's it matter". (one of her fav lines....when ELSE can she go stay with my mom? Darn sure not on her mom's time...)

    Like I said, it would not be a problem if she was sitting here on Friday doing nothing. Or if she wasn't up there, even if she wasn't doing nothing, we try to work around it to accommodate her as much as we can. Or maybe if she had even asked if there was a way to pick her up early.

    I went to therapy today and the guy's ex dropped their daughter off. They were all chit-chatty, and she told him all about her final coming up. Asked if he would mind dropping the girl off here instead of there tomorrow for her, talked about going swimming... Man that kind of maturity makes me SO jealous. If we were to text cgfg and tell her next friday that we are picking her up at 1, do you know what kind of hades that woman would put us all through? She's so ANGRY.
     
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    :bravo:
     
  6. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Ugh, its the little things that can make it or break it with visitation and custody issues isn't it? I'm sorry this is just another thing to adapt everyone elses schedule for without even decency on how it was approached and requested (or perhaps ordered is a better word).

    It can be hard enough to mesh two families schedule for the best of a child without adding needless pettiness to it. I feel for you. I went through it for the first couple of years with easy child's dad and his new wife. It was such stupid pettiness. There was a time if he was 15,10,5 minutes early, they would park the car around the corner. At one minute to the appointed return home time, they'd drive around the corner to my driveway. I always wondered how they timed it to the MINUTE every single return day. Until difficult child noticed it a few times when he was out playing in the neighborhood. I finally said something to easy child's father when he returned her one day on a day difficult child came home to say they are around the corner AGAIN. Told him it was the height of silly for all people in the car (him, his wife, especially my easy child) and when she got old enough to realize why it was going to send messages we had no right to send to her as her parents. Eventually all the other silliness ended too. We have no problem (both sides) changing schedules but we always give one each other the disclaimer of only if the change works for both sides. Sometimes her dad still struggles and once in a while i have to gently remind him this is all about easy child and not he nor I or our spouses. But its rare and doesn't lead to blow ups, with the exception of last year when a simple day change led to koi about going to court. It upset me enough to have a blow out email fired off to squash that QUICK because no way in hades was I returning to that ridiculous behavior pattern. He got it, never responded to me but apologized to easy child which was the important part anyhow. I am thankful for the ease of her visits to him. The stress when it was bad is unbelievable.

    I'm glad you and husband are level headed about it but sorry that it is so stress inducing so regularly. The phrase "you can't fix stupid" comes to mind when I read of that womans approach to working with you all (or not as is often the case).
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Argh. What a mess. Is difficult child feeling pulled in both directions?
    I'm glad you told your mom not to rush.
    I agree with-what everyone here has said.
     
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Yes, she feels pulled. Her mom is great at the guilt game. She was like 7, and her mom had counted all the days she was at our house in one month (summer only) and the days she'd been at her mom's that month, and made her feel so bad that she cried when she got here - she was way too young to have counted days on her own. Heck, her mom has told her that her dad shouldn't have any rights based on "what he did to her" when they were together (didn't pay for enough, didn't take care of cgfg, etc - things her mom complained to ME about).
    Cgfg's text to me was her mom was making her and she didn't want to. I told her that a) her dad or I would take over conversation if she wanted us to, and b) she's with her dad's til 6...if she wants to follow thru with the plans she and grandma made, tell her mom it doesn't work this time, sorry, and c) if there's fallout, we'll take it.
     
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!

    Bypassing the other parent was EXACTLY why we did not want Onyxx having a cell phone - and later, BM made Jett use his minutes to call husband FOR HER. She then refused to add any minutes to his cell phone, because "that's what child support is for" - along with activities, school, food, clothes, medical... Yeah. Right. It's not like she's paying a decent amount of support.

    Parenting time is to be agreed upon between the parents. Period. If cgfg's bio can't do this, maybe it's time to look at a custody or residence change.

    Just sayin'. This is such a little thing, but so indicative of the other koi...
     
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