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Checking in with some "after we said it" shakiness
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619060" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Living with uncertainty is what you are trying to learn to do. It takes a while. </p><p></p><p>Most of us like to manage our worlds enough to have a somewhat certain outlook. We have enough to pay the bills, we have a place to go to earn money tomorrow, our friends today will still be our friends tomorrow, the sun will come up again. </p><p></p><p>Living with a difficult child we love so very much is learning to live with daily uncertainty. What will they do next? Usually it's a new worst. </p><p></p><p>We could never even have imagine the things they have done. Homelessness, jail, arrests, taking drugs, being with people who are dangerous, they themselves being dangerous, flunking out of college, losing everybody and everything again and again. This is not who we raised or anything about the home they grew up in. </p><p></p><p>I never even knew anybody who went to jail or had been in jail (that I knew of). I remember the first time he was arrested and went to jail, I thought I would die from the grief and the pain. He was fairly okay as far as I could see. I was feeling the pain. Looking back, there was already something wrong with that picture.</p><p></p><p>Eleanor Roosevelt wrote, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face … You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”</p><p></p><p>There is a lot of material out there on living with uncertainty. It is helping me and I am learning that actually, all of life is uncertain. I just get my mind in a place that makes uncertain things more certain so I can be more comfortable.</p><p></p><p>Your son has everything you taught him inside him. It is a foundation we gave them. One day, they will draw on that again. They will turn to that foundation and maybe it will help save them. </p><p></p><p>It is their decision. They are the only ones who can make it. It's our job to be there once they make that decision. Until then, we need to learn how----maybe for the first time ever---to let them go and live our own lives with joy, gratitude and love. </p><p></p><p>Keep coming back. I also highly recommend Al-Anon; it has saved my life and helped me become a better person.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619060, member: 17542"] Living with uncertainty is what you are trying to learn to do. It takes a while. Most of us like to manage our worlds enough to have a somewhat certain outlook. We have enough to pay the bills, we have a place to go to earn money tomorrow, our friends today will still be our friends tomorrow, the sun will come up again. Living with a difficult child we love so very much is learning to live with daily uncertainty. What will they do next? Usually it's a new worst. We could never even have imagine the things they have done. Homelessness, jail, arrests, taking drugs, being with people who are dangerous, they themselves being dangerous, flunking out of college, losing everybody and everything again and again. This is not who we raised or anything about the home they grew up in. I never even knew anybody who went to jail or had been in jail (that I knew of). I remember the first time he was arrested and went to jail, I thought I would die from the grief and the pain. He was fairly okay as far as I could see. I was feeling the pain. Looking back, there was already something wrong with that picture. Eleanor Roosevelt wrote, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face … You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” There is a lot of material out there on living with uncertainty. It is helping me and I am learning that actually, all of life is uncertain. I just get my mind in a place that makes uncertain things more certain so I can be more comfortable. Your son has everything you taught him inside him. It is a foundation we gave them. One day, they will draw on that again. They will turn to that foundation and maybe it will help save them. It is their decision. They are the only ones who can make it. It's our job to be there once they make that decision. Until then, we need to learn how----maybe for the first time ever---to let them go and live our own lives with joy, gratitude and love. Keep coming back. I also highly recommend Al-Anon; it has saved my life and helped me become a better person. [/QUOTE]
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