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Checking in with some "after we said it" shakiness
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619069" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Have a great time <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>36 was always empathy-challenged. I did not want to face that he didn't care about others the way most people do. But once I admitted it to myself, I realized that this is somebody who cares about one person...himself. And I deal with him from that perspective.</p><p></p><p>The fact that your adult son thinks another parent cares more about him because he gave him money shows you how shallow he is. Love is not about the money you throw at an adult child. It is so much deeper than that. Anyone can throw money at someone...it does not indicate love. I really shake my head at how these difficult children think. Bet after the year of no contact was up, he contacted you either because he was in trouble or he wanted money. That's how they are. Understand, not just YOUR son, but most of our difficult children. They have very little interest in us unless we can bail them out of their horrible choices or fund them.</p><p></p><p>I think your daughter is a smart young woman. Why not have a mom/daughter shopping trip with her, another idea...lol. I find it more peaceful and happy to spend time with those who are good to me. Honestly, it was a brand new concept to me, when I learned it, that I mattered as much as my own children do. But I've learned to embrace that. This is meaning my grown kids...I still have one who is seventeen. She still needs our support and we are happy to give her the whole of our hearts, which is most important, because she is such a loving, caring girl.</p><p></p><p>It's funny how our well behaved, respectful kids, both adult and children, get the numbers of our manipulative difficult children before we do. My seventeen year old rolls her eyes every time 36 calls, even though of late it is not always a "bad" phone call. She has often asked, "Why do you even talk to him? He's so mean to you."</p><p></p><p>I would say, "Well...he IS my son."</p><p></p><p>She would say, "He sure doesn't act like it, Mom. He talks to you like you're garbage. I sure don't want to talk to him. Hope I never have to again."</p><p></p><p>She could hear him talking on his end of the phone conversation because he'd be screaming.</p><p></p><p>I don't think she will ever like him. None of his siblings do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619069, member: 1550"] Have a great time :) 36 was always empathy-challenged. I did not want to face that he didn't care about others the way most people do. But once I admitted it to myself, I realized that this is somebody who cares about one person...himself. And I deal with him from that perspective. The fact that your adult son thinks another parent cares more about him because he gave him money shows you how shallow he is. Love is not about the money you throw at an adult child. It is so much deeper than that. Anyone can throw money at someone...it does not indicate love. I really shake my head at how these difficult children think. Bet after the year of no contact was up, he contacted you either because he was in trouble or he wanted money. That's how they are. Understand, not just YOUR son, but most of our difficult children. They have very little interest in us unless we can bail them out of their horrible choices or fund them. I think your daughter is a smart young woman. Why not have a mom/daughter shopping trip with her, another idea...lol. I find it more peaceful and happy to spend time with those who are good to me. Honestly, it was a brand new concept to me, when I learned it, that I mattered as much as my own children do. But I've learned to embrace that. This is meaning my grown kids...I still have one who is seventeen. She still needs our support and we are happy to give her the whole of our hearts, which is most important, because she is such a loving, caring girl. It's funny how our well behaved, respectful kids, both adult and children, get the numbers of our manipulative difficult children before we do. My seventeen year old rolls her eyes every time 36 calls, even though of late it is not always a "bad" phone call. She has often asked, "Why do you even talk to him? He's so mean to you." I would say, "Well...he IS my son." She would say, "He sure doesn't act like it, Mom. He talks to you like you're garbage. I sure don't want to talk to him. Hope I never have to again." She could hear him talking on his end of the phone conversation because he'd be screaming. I don't think she will ever like him. None of his siblings do. [/QUOTE]
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