Child support question - after 18

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Sep 23, 2009.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    This is going to seem very odd....but your nephew wanted me to ask :sick:

    When I got divorced - In my divorce decree (since the so-n-so never gave me a dime the entire time we were married AND since I knew it would only be a waste of MY time, and since we were in hiding from the monster) I asked for NO child support. The judge said once he signed it - I could not come back personally and ask for it. Okay fine, whatever judge. You weren't married to this jerk - you have no idea how much I would NEVER EVER get - and how much it would just inconvenience MY life to take time off MY work to go to court PLUS ME pay for an attorney to get what pathetic little cash I would probably get since the creep has hardly ever had a job. If he did it was under the table. Soooo....thanks but no thanks.

    Now Dude wants to sue his Bioslob for 18 years child support. I liken this to swatting a hornets nest with a baseball bat. But whatever. So question is - can a child sue their biological parent for any back support of any kind? If so - how and what is involved?

    I advised Dude to let it go - because we've done fine on our own this long and the man is a pathetic waste - has had plenty of opportunity to do for his son recently and has done nothing but "I'm addicted to crack-disabled, I'm not doing well, I'm this, I'm that - me, me, me AND the infamous - You know I'm BiPolar and got hit a car." wha wha wha......(um yeah but what about the other 19 years jerk? Nothing about "Hey buddy HOWS your life been for the last 13 years since I sold you to my dealer for a couple pieces of crack? Has it been rough on you in and out of institutions?" - I mean come on - what a looser. Pathetic.

    Sooooooo I guess Dudes logic is - he hasn't totally let go of all the anger and wants him to either fork over what he feels should have been an inheritance (me thinks a friend must have gotten some back child support and a nice truck recently) -OR he can go rot in jail for the time he feels is equivalent to the childhood he lost. BOTH of which I have suggested he go talk to a therapist about because the time is gone - he can only do what he can do with the time he has futuristically - go enjoy his life from here on out.

    But anyway I said I'd ask.....
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Star, I'm not an expert on this but it's my understanding that when a public agency (such as DSS) is providing assistance to a family or a kid, they go after CS if possible. Since Dude has been in a group home and TFC as a minor, I am surprised that this has not already happened. It doesn't matter what agreement the parents have had in the past, from what I was told, because it would be the public agency that is owed the money and they can file no matter what. Dude can talk to DSS about this anyway to find out how it works in your state. I wonder if your DSS or whomever has funded Dude's previous placements has not already gone after CS from his father. But then, if he lost all parental rights and standing, this might not apply. If that's the case, I doubt Dude could get anything from him either.
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    It depends upon the reason. In our case, Rob qualified for Medical Access because of his mental health diagnoses and mental health (plus his school district) paid for his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and group home placements. It was not income-based and we did not have to pay anything.

    I expect you will get as many different answers as there are scenarios because each case is so different. Have you googled it yet?

    I put in "Can a child sue his parent for child support" -Check these out...

    Last edited: Sep 23, 2009
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'd say the boy would have to talk to a lawyer. I'd imagine it would depend on the laws in the state.

    At 18 I could've sued my Dad for child support. (18 years worth) I don't remember who told me I had this option....I'm thinking it was someone with a legal background cuz my Mom most certainly would never have known about such things.....but evidently back then in Illinois you could do such a thing.

    Now my bio Dad is a nice guy overall, he just had a serious problem keeping his pants zippered. And he wasn't so much into relationships either. But he didn't pay my Mom one dime of childsupport for 5 kids for 18 yrs. (I'm the youngest) Even when Mom had him thrown into jail for a year. Once he was out, he moved out of state and stayed there. Back then......they didn't go looking for you when you did that.

    Yeah. I think I thought about it for like 2 seconds before I cracked up laughing. Sure I could do that, waste my time and money, and still get absolutely nothing. My biodad had nothing, still has nothing......and will forever have nothing. Suing him isn't gonna change that.

    And with Dude......there is all that other bagage to go along with it.

    Probably it would be much more therapudic for Dude to simply write the man a nice long letter about how he honestly feels about the man and his parenting skills, ect.

    I would imagine Dude would have to foot the bill for the lawyer and the law suit. He'd probably win..........on paper. In reality, he'd get nothing but alot of unwanted grief.

    There comes a point when a kid has to look at their parent and realize that they don't have super powers, that they're just as human and fallible as everyone else on earth. And when that parent happens to hoover in the parent dept........well, you've got to make peace with that and move on.

    I have no anger toward my biodad. I can sit and visit with him and enjoy myself. But he is who he is......and nothing I will ever do will change that.

    Even on the very slim chance Dude would be able to get child support from this guy........does he really want whatever else may come with that package?

    I'm thinking some buddy planted this idea.......thinking maybe it was a way for easy money......without knowing much about Dude's background?

    Maybe it would work on someone who was working a good job and raking in the cash.......guess they could garnish wages if necessary......

    Actually, I'm surprised you were able to get them to leave biodad out of the picture for child support. My brother had that put into his divorce and they came back 10 yrs later and demanded he not only pay.......but pay for those 10 yrs as well. He'll be paying until the day he dies.

    His kids don't seem any happier because of it.

    Just maybe some things for Dude to consider. Cuz I care about him.

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I was able to get them to leave bioslob out of the picture due to the fact that I was in ICU so many times and went into hiding due to the violence.

    Other than that? I would never have been able to get a divorce by notice of publication, and get a life-time order of protection for myself and Dude until he was 18 OR if he's here within 500 ft. of me. That's why DSS did not pursue it. Our file is red-flagged.

    I want nothing - NOTHING to do with this man. I've tried to explain to Dude that it wouldn't be Dude that would have problems - it would be me, and my things. As in - our dogs would be taken, and parts of them would be shipped to Dude in boxes via Fed-Ex. Did he want to take that chance? DF asked him tonight what was up with all of this - and it is like Daisy thought. New friend just got back child support check for $15,000.00 or his biodad who works would have gone to jail. DF explained to new best friend that his biodad and Dude's biodad? NOTHING alike. Dude said he thought about it and has made it this far - with just my help - and realized it really upset me - so he's dropping the issue. He told DF that it's not worth the time he'd have to see him in court vs. the cash he'd get - and that's exactly what it was about - quick, easy cash. Best friend has a new truck. (I thought so).

    I'd cut off my pinky toe before I'd take a nickle from my x. And I'd rather eat cat tootsies for a week before I'd let Dude accept as much as a glass of water from him. You think YOU have issues. Ish. :sick: - Just pass that litterbox over here. :ashamed:

    Suz - I am going to look into the links and find out more information - I had to chuckle - I thought THERE she is - THE QUEEN of the links returns to the board at last! THANK YOU! ;)
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    That makes sense as to why they didn't go after biodad. Unfortunately I know of a couple of cases where that didn't stop them from enforcing the child support issue.....glad they did it for you and dude.

    Much releaved Dude is dropping it and sees that it's a good thing to do so. The backlash could've been a nitemare.

  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    In CA, if there is an order for support in place, but the non-custodial parent has stopped paying, the child can sue the parent for the unpaid balance. My father stopped paying three months before I turned 18, so technically I could request that Family Support collect for me. If there's no order in place, there's no amount owing.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My son could technically sue his father for all the back support but we know it isnt going to arrive so we have let it drop. We *think* he is making support payments for his other 4 kids because he got divorced right around 2000 to their mom and Child Support was much more aggressive then. He also stayed in the same area then so they could find him easily. It has surprised me a bit that they didnt add my support order into that whole mess. Maybe it will go on at the end and I will get my measily 120 a month when I am in my 60s!
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I hope the toad crawls under a rock - and leaves his kettle of gold next to the proverbial rainbow. :tongue:
  10. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I don't know the law where you are, there are good ideas here, I think a lawyer would be his best step is he wanted to follow through.
    The thing is, I wonder if he is just talking on a whim, due to his friend getting that pretty looking cheque. That would get most kids brains in a twist, wondering how they too can have that money. Then comes that anger most kids have at the absent parent who has not been there in any capacity.
    Matt's biodad is right now living here in town. first time since difficult child was little. He has an astounding amount of arrears owed to me. He NEVER pays me. It is a enforced support order, so he for 16 years has been not allowed a license, to buy or sell a car, buy or sell any property. He cannot get a credit card. He cannot get a bank loan, or a mortgage. Nothing at all until he pays those arrears. I could have him jailed until he ups the name of his employer. But then, I learned his employer name. I didn't bother passing that name along as he would simply be informed of a garnishment of his salary (here they can take 60% of all wages for back support) and would change jobs. Why waste my time?
    Anyhow, the amount has snowballed. Biodad a few times had his mother (wimp) contact me to ask "nicely" that since I don't enforce the order anyhow, why don't I sign off on any claim to the back support and drop the support order for ongoing support? Umm ... NOPE! If he wants to spend his life with no car, home, credit etc? His choice. My choice to not enforce the order and have him jailed. Aren't I nice ;) ? I have told her each time its his problem, not mine. I'm not dropping it. The idiot thought that when difficult child turned 18 that the arrears go away. HAHA. Nope. They stick around, gathering interest (alot of interest over past 16 years!) and limiting his entire life. The entire time he has been well and gainfully employed and more than able to pay the support payments. He's actually lucky I didn't go to court to adjust the amount to higher several times through the years as his salary increased.
    Anyhow. difficult child is getting older. He's got a bee in his bonnet lately about his dad being "such a deadbeat". I've refused every time he's asked me to take his father to court over the support. Actually it was difficult child's sleuthing that has kept me informed of each new company when he changes jobs. So difficult child has decided if I don't take his dad to court, it would feel good for HIM to take him to court. He talks about it often. I've given him the information on how to report his dads earnings. I've given him information on the local free legal clinic that would help him. I've offered that if he wanted the money he was welcome to get legal help and if he was going to receive a court order that I would give up my claim to the money in order that difficult child get it directly himself.
    Funny thing. Despite all his blustering, its far too much work for my couch loving difficult child. He sure gets right talkative (and angry) when he talks about the fact that his father has done nothing for him. I don't blame difficult child one bit for feeling that way. I just know that difficult child is using this an outlet to express his hurt and feelings about his father being so absent in all areas of his life, not just financial. Its easier for my difficult child to wax philosophical about sticking it to dad where he figures it would hurt dad most (In the pocketbook) than being honest that he still feels hurt and pain and resentment at his father never having been interested in being a father.
    Any chance this is happening with Dude? That he has his own emotions about his bio idiots role in Dude's life as "Man who wasn't there, didn't care, was a danger, a threat, a deadbeat, the monster in the closet of his childhood"? And maybe those emotions are leading Dude to think revenge would work best here in a financial sense?? If thats the case, I'm betting Dude wouldn't go ahead even if he could.
    And I truly believe Dude wouldn't want you at risk of this man entering your life to mess it up anymore than he has in the past.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    WELL.......the toad gets to crawl under a rock........and keep his gold.

    I didn't seek an attorney. I accidentally had a conversation with one and had absolutely NO clue what this woman did for a living and got to talking about dogs, then donkeys.....then Michael Vick, and jerks...and speaking of jerks.....x's and then kids......and from kids it went back to x's and child support and ......conversation about my kid wanting to sue his bioslob for support. She asked questions....I told her why I didn't care and what the JUDGE told me...saying once he said NO SUPPORT how I couldn't go back.

    She is a DSS attorney for child support enforcement for SC. (slaps head)

    IT's too late.....if I had filed one day before 18th birthday - yup the entire enchilada....but too late. And I'm not upset. But she said Dude can't sue. I could have and the judge gave me very BAD advice. It could have been me getting help over the years WITHOUT SEEING HIM - AT ALL.....and WITHOUT visitation......O.M.G. REALLY.....

    WEll I told her - since he didn't work- I would have gotten about $25 a week.....(pause) I would have paid HIM $30 to stay away. She laughed and said - sounds like I knew what I was doing. EXCEPT now my son needs a car for work and well......he's not getting it. Well.....I got news for ya kid.....if he was in jail for not paying??? You wouldn't get it either.

    Sooo.....long story short......either way - you wouldn't get it. AND if I had made him pay or made him miserable? I would have paid one way or the other. So - for the price of a car? I got off cheap. Attorney said - She thinks I did okay.

    I think - so too.

    And......I raised my son without any assistance.