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Christmas burdened? Know why? Discussion.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiapet" data-source="post: 223585" data-attributes="member: 455"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: Green"><strong><u>Traditions and Challanges Shapes Christmas'</u></strong></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: Green"></span></span></p><p></p><p>I am touched and thought I'd share too in this discussion.</p><p></p><p>In my childhood we had the traditional Christmas Eve Pj's to be opened as the only gift (kids can never wait! lol). Even in the many years my parents couldn't afford much at all, they were sure to do that. My mom carried that tradition forward to all the grand kids until last year. Now I carry it on. I can recall the years we got very little but we always knew the love of our parents. My mom always baked Christmas cookies and still does as much as she is physically able too. I try to carry that tradition on myself but I can't do nearly the amount nor variety she does.</p><p></p><p>Some where in my late teens through out the years until I got divorced I lost the Christmas spirit and I have no idea why. I truly began hating Christmas. After my divorce I suddenly gained it back and wanted it and couldn't wait for Christmas. I enjoyed the lights, the sounds, the hustle and bustle of it (not so much the commercialism of it though). Especially once I had the kids, even more so I'd get excited to make it special in small ways I could for them. We never ever had much prior to divorce. After divorce and once I was with SO things change a total 180.</p><p></p><p>About 10 years ago my Grandfather (mother's father who we all were very close to) died on Dec 3rd. That is the day before oldest difficult child's birthday and that kind of tainted Christmas a little for the rest of the family that year but I made a point to also start a new tradition as it ruined difficult child's birthday too. I decided that the next day we immediately were going out, just difficult child and I, and getting our Christmas tree! From that point on (except this year, as we got it on Black Friday due to a special) we get our tree on her birthday. I take her to dinner and we get out tree (usually just McD's as that's what she loves).</p><p></p><p>Christmas 2006 was an awful year as far as it goes with family as my father had just died at the end of July and my mother was in no shape mentally for anything and refused to be in her house, my house, my sister's house or any house. She just wanted to be away. So she decided to take part of the family (that would go) on a trip with the last of her insurance money from his death. Since no one else would go it fell on me and my family as I had been being the care taker of her all those months, helping her piece her life back together and trying to stay on a level keel (although I tried desperately to get her to think hard about using the money for this trip and NOT going at all, it didn't work).</p><p></p><p>I felt bad because up until that point my two little difficult child's still believed in Santa and I had to tell them there was no Santa since we'd be away from home during the holiday and to be on the trip we had to use some of our own money as well (we'd be celebrating when we got back home). It broke my heart as they came to terms with it because not only did they have to learn no Santa but then the realization came that there was no Easter bunny, no tooth fairy, basically no more childhood fantasy figures. The end of the niaveness of children. So not fair I thought. On top of which, the trip was a horrendous experience as my mother was miserable the whole time and even went into a psychotic/out of it state while gone (she had been going in and out of them from time to time-short spells that I was having to deal with). No fun! Especially because littlest difficult child just kept having some sensory overload/raging fits from all the out of sync things going on where we were that he was not used to from anxieties and such.</p><p></p><p>It really hit home that year when he (littlest difficult child) came home from school with a project he had to do. It was about "traditions". He choose to do a poster board about our Christmas Eve tradition with the pajamas and also every other year the grandparents most often also took us out to dinner. Why it hit home was because he looked at me all sad and said, "what are we going to do now mom? Grandpa died and we're not going to have the pj's and dinner and grandma isn't going to do it, 'cause we live down here in NC too." My heart broke right then and there as I realized just how much traditions did matter to him and that he was upset about what would happen. (Consequently, that year grandma did still do pj's and of course dinner was out because we were away) I looked him right in the eye and said, " Well we'll just start new traditions!" He seemed to half accept that answer but wasn't real happy with it. Side note, oldest difficult child at 17 also seeks this same tradition to this day with the pj's so it very much matters, as small as it is.</p><p></p><p>Last year we weren't financially in a great place either as we were still trying to recoup from a new move the year before (and the trip that we really couldn't afford to have gone on) and the realization that all our Christmas decorations and tree stuff got left behind in PA (along with a ton of other stuff that we found out after the fact!). So there was no way we could decorate or get a tree or have any kind of Christmas not to mention the way payday fell it was after Christmas. You know bi monthly pays, bills go the first one and the second one is everything else. When you are catching up you have basically very little to work with. So we told them that during their Christmas break, when everything will be on sale and even at better prices (not having belief in Santa is actually a plus in this case) they would each get some money, in this case the little ones each got $50 and the oldest $100 to go shopping with. They were ok with this.</p><p></p><p>It killed me for Christmas day to come and go and not have a tree, presents, watching the neighborhood filled with lights and a totally silent house. I did do the pj's however. I could not go without doing that!! After the fact during the year, I saw and heard how it also affected them. Not so much as not "having" presents as not having Christmas spirit around as anything else.</p><p></p><p>I had vowed that my kids would never have Christmas' like I did but I also have never gone overboard with them, ever! It seems they've done without or very little more then anything, especially when I was married. I know what it's like to not have as I went years and years in marriage with out ever getting a gift for Christmas or birthday or anything (let alone going out to dinner,etc.) also while growing up sometimes and I make it a point to give when and where I can. My preferences is to do for those I know who are in need or deserve over those I don't but I will do both if I can. Christmas is the time for giving of yourself in what ever manner you can. Physically I can not do anymore and each month/day it seems to get less and less. What I do have left is my mind for the most part (although some days I doubt that! lol).</p><p></p><p>I agree about the giving without regret or thoughts of "I gave or did this and this is how you act!" There was only 1 time that occurred where oldest difficult child got denied anything and that was a birthday when she was about 9 or so (not quite sure of age). Her aunt gave her a birthday gift and it was in a Barney gift bag. Oh my gosh! You would have think someone killed her the way she acted. I was so embarrassed. She screamed at her aunt she didn't want it just because it was in that bag (she hated Barney). Her aunt, who has no understanding for kids like ours nor puts up with anything, said "fine, I will take it back home with me." After she consulted with me I did agree that she should take it back and let difficult child learn a lesson. Aunty did feel bad for doing it for a short time but got over it and difficult child DID learn a lesson and has never EVER did that to any gift (wrapping, something she doesn't like in general, whatever) again!!</p><p></p><p>So that's my story. Christmas is a time for thoughts of reflection, thankfulness, giving and sharing. The time for spirit. Yes, there are many reasons for Christmas.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiapet, post: 223585, member: 455"] [CENTER][SIZE=4][COLOR=Green][B][U]Traditions and Challanges Shapes Christmas'[/U][/B] [/COLOR][/SIZE][/CENTER] I am touched and thought I'd share too in this discussion. In my childhood we had the traditional Christmas Eve Pj's to be opened as the only gift (kids can never wait! lol). Even in the many years my parents couldn't afford much at all, they were sure to do that. My mom carried that tradition forward to all the grand kids until last year. Now I carry it on. I can recall the years we got very little but we always knew the love of our parents. My mom always baked Christmas cookies and still does as much as she is physically able too. I try to carry that tradition on myself but I can't do nearly the amount nor variety she does. Some where in my late teens through out the years until I got divorced I lost the Christmas spirit and I have no idea why. I truly began hating Christmas. After my divorce I suddenly gained it back and wanted it and couldn't wait for Christmas. I enjoyed the lights, the sounds, the hustle and bustle of it (not so much the commercialism of it though). Especially once I had the kids, even more so I'd get excited to make it special in small ways I could for them. We never ever had much prior to divorce. After divorce and once I was with SO things change a total 180. About 10 years ago my Grandfather (mother's father who we all were very close to) died on Dec 3rd. That is the day before oldest difficult child's birthday and that kind of tainted Christmas a little for the rest of the family that year but I made a point to also start a new tradition as it ruined difficult child's birthday too. I decided that the next day we immediately were going out, just difficult child and I, and getting our Christmas tree! From that point on (except this year, as we got it on Black Friday due to a special) we get our tree on her birthday. I take her to dinner and we get out tree (usually just McD's as that's what she loves). Christmas 2006 was an awful year as far as it goes with family as my father had just died at the end of July and my mother was in no shape mentally for anything and refused to be in her house, my house, my sister's house or any house. She just wanted to be away. So she decided to take part of the family (that would go) on a trip with the last of her insurance money from his death. Since no one else would go it fell on me and my family as I had been being the care taker of her all those months, helping her piece her life back together and trying to stay on a level keel (although I tried desperately to get her to think hard about using the money for this trip and NOT going at all, it didn't work). I felt bad because up until that point my two little difficult child's still believed in Santa and I had to tell them there was no Santa since we'd be away from home during the holiday and to be on the trip we had to use some of our own money as well (we'd be celebrating when we got back home). It broke my heart as they came to terms with it because not only did they have to learn no Santa but then the realization came that there was no Easter bunny, no tooth fairy, basically no more childhood fantasy figures. The end of the niaveness of children. So not fair I thought. On top of which, the trip was a horrendous experience as my mother was miserable the whole time and even went into a psychotic/out of it state while gone (she had been going in and out of them from time to time-short spells that I was having to deal with). No fun! Especially because littlest difficult child just kept having some sensory overload/raging fits from all the out of sync things going on where we were that he was not used to from anxieties and such. It really hit home that year when he (littlest difficult child) came home from school with a project he had to do. It was about "traditions". He choose to do a poster board about our Christmas Eve tradition with the pajamas and also every other year the grandparents most often also took us out to dinner. Why it hit home was because he looked at me all sad and said, "what are we going to do now mom? Grandpa died and we're not going to have the pj's and dinner and grandma isn't going to do it, 'cause we live down here in NC too." My heart broke right then and there as I realized just how much traditions did matter to him and that he was upset about what would happen. (Consequently, that year grandma did still do pj's and of course dinner was out because we were away) I looked him right in the eye and said, " Well we'll just start new traditions!" He seemed to half accept that answer but wasn't real happy with it. Side note, oldest difficult child at 17 also seeks this same tradition to this day with the pj's so it very much matters, as small as it is. Last year we weren't financially in a great place either as we were still trying to recoup from a new move the year before (and the trip that we really couldn't afford to have gone on) and the realization that all our Christmas decorations and tree stuff got left behind in PA (along with a ton of other stuff that we found out after the fact!). So there was no way we could decorate or get a tree or have any kind of Christmas not to mention the way payday fell it was after Christmas. You know bi monthly pays, bills go the first one and the second one is everything else. When you are catching up you have basically very little to work with. So we told them that during their Christmas break, when everything will be on sale and even at better prices (not having belief in Santa is actually a plus in this case) they would each get some money, in this case the little ones each got $50 and the oldest $100 to go shopping with. They were ok with this. It killed me for Christmas day to come and go and not have a tree, presents, watching the neighborhood filled with lights and a totally silent house. I did do the pj's however. I could not go without doing that!! After the fact during the year, I saw and heard how it also affected them. Not so much as not "having" presents as not having Christmas spirit around as anything else. I had vowed that my kids would never have Christmas' like I did but I also have never gone overboard with them, ever! It seems they've done without or very little more then anything, especially when I was married. I know what it's like to not have as I went years and years in marriage with out ever getting a gift for Christmas or birthday or anything (let alone going out to dinner,etc.) also while growing up sometimes and I make it a point to give when and where I can. My preferences is to do for those I know who are in need or deserve over those I don't but I will do both if I can. Christmas is the time for giving of yourself in what ever manner you can. Physically I can not do anymore and each month/day it seems to get less and less. What I do have left is my mind for the most part (although some days I doubt that! lol). I agree about the giving without regret or thoughts of "I gave or did this and this is how you act!" There was only 1 time that occurred where oldest difficult child got denied anything and that was a birthday when she was about 9 or so (not quite sure of age). Her aunt gave her a birthday gift and it was in a Barney gift bag. Oh my gosh! You would have think someone killed her the way she acted. I was so embarrassed. She screamed at her aunt she didn't want it just because it was in that bag (she hated Barney). Her aunt, who has no understanding for kids like ours nor puts up with anything, said "fine, I will take it back home with me." After she consulted with me I did agree that she should take it back and let difficult child learn a lesson. Aunty did feel bad for doing it for a short time but got over it and difficult child DID learn a lesson and has never EVER did that to any gift (wrapping, something she doesn't like in general, whatever) again!! So that's my story. Christmas is a time for thoughts of reflection, thankfulness, giving and sharing. The time for spirit. Yes, there are many reasons for Christmas. [/QUOTE]
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