Star*
call 911........call 911
Hi family,
For those of you who have Christmas Spirit, for those of you who have nothing left, For our children who cant seem to cope with the anticipation of a self-inventory from past behaviors vs. presents under the tree, shortness of days, change in daily routines and even the fallout of our own parental guilt feelings during this time of year Hugs.
The task given to us as parents of challenged children certainly isnt for the weak. Remember at this time of year to pat yourself on the back for the good that you do all year long not just as an elf wishing to make dreams come true. Take time to make a dream of your own a reality if possible. Dont become overburdened with commercialism or a Rockwell portrait Do the best you can, its all anyone ever needs from you really!! Really!!
I think in our minds whether we want to admit it or not we keep score all year with our kids behaviors. Then the holidays come and we say "Okay ALL is forgiven, well wipe the slate clean - HERE are a bunch of gifts I got you because I love you and you." And what you are thinking is "YOU treated me like , but IT is okay - you have a disability." If we do this are we perpetuating the cycle? Or do we expect a different result, ever hopeful with every holiday?
For most it seems Christmas is the big Kahunah of holidays and falls at the end of the year, a time for forgiving, reflecting, making personal changes and promises for a new and better year. So at what point as parents do we make our children accountable for THEIR actions? At what time in the year do you make them take responsibility for their actions? Give Christmas, but take away Fourth of July, lessen a birthday because it fell the same week he /she suspended from school or do you just say The gifts are gifts and he/she will get them regardless. Or is it your understanding that this mentally ill person can't change some behaviors and you agree to accept that for life?
If you are in the party that says irregardless of his behaviors I'm giving gifts!!? Then do it with no regrets. What I learned this year in therapy was - that's fine - But don't bring it up later in the year as some unforeseen regret, or as a tool to drive a point home with your child. Like "I GOT YOU ALL THOSE PRESENTS and this is how you treat me?" OH brother - Either give or don't but don't be a martyr. THAT itself is almost difficult child behavior. You knew there was a potential for your child to behave inappropriately after the gifts were given so deal with it. Nothing has changed. Why act so surprised?
We need to remember those parents who dont have a child at home due to being in a hospital, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or jail. Many, many sad years I have spent in cinder block conference rooms with a pathetic looking tree and behavior posters for decorations. Only to have staff look at a toy maybe a hearts desire and say Sorry that will have to go back with you; it could be a weapon. Biting the inside of my lip as hot tears streaked my face when we left thinking his dinner would be a bologna sandwich and chips, instead of ham. But we left difficult child there - doing what we were told would give difficult child a better chance sacrificing our holidays over and over in hopes that the placement would be the one that makes the difference and helps difficult child change for the better. Then thinking in the back of my mind - NEXT year will be HUGE!
Those of you who have lost a child to death and would welcome any of our problems just to have your child for one minute this year -Because of you I realize that there are far worse things than bad behavior, and a Christmas in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)s, jail, or fallout from a much wanted traditional holiday. Because of you I feel selfish for believing I have any problems.
What happens if you are poor? What happens if you are sick and cant keep up traditions? What do you believe really happens if you had a celebration without presents? Are you hoping to ensure better behavior? Do you expect nothing in return? Are you still keeping score? I wonder personally where I lost sight of the true meaning for celebrating. This year I vow to focus on that. Thankful for what I have, not for what I think I'll get.
If you think it's not a good idea to reward bad behavior with a party, celebration and gifts at anytime of the year why do we make exceptions? When we stop making exceptions does that make us bad people? Or are we simply too worn out with the day to day behaviors we deal with that we fake it through another occasion so we can say we are normal (whatever normal is) , if even for one day.?
Have we all gotten to a point with our society that the only way our children know we love them is if we buy them LOTS of stuff? How about the love I give all year long when I stand and support you for knowing better, but making poor choice after poor choice? Id actually consider writing congress in an effort to have a parents day but Im afraid it would be just one more celebration Id be forced to withhold due to bad behaviors and thus stick myself in the eye with a fork.
I hope for those of you considering giving up you find time to recoup and reflect on your true meaning of the Christmas holiday. I hope for those of you who say I hate you find love. I hope those of you who feel you are without- feel blessed, and I hope that those of you who are hurting find comfort from this board and its members.
I wish you a very Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Holiday however you choose to celebrate it. I wish you peace, joy , and love.
Star
For those of you who have Christmas Spirit, for those of you who have nothing left, For our children who cant seem to cope with the anticipation of a self-inventory from past behaviors vs. presents under the tree, shortness of days, change in daily routines and even the fallout of our own parental guilt feelings during this time of year Hugs.
The task given to us as parents of challenged children certainly isnt for the weak. Remember at this time of year to pat yourself on the back for the good that you do all year long not just as an elf wishing to make dreams come true. Take time to make a dream of your own a reality if possible. Dont become overburdened with commercialism or a Rockwell portrait Do the best you can, its all anyone ever needs from you really!! Really!!
I think in our minds whether we want to admit it or not we keep score all year with our kids behaviors. Then the holidays come and we say "Okay ALL is forgiven, well wipe the slate clean - HERE are a bunch of gifts I got you because I love you and you." And what you are thinking is "YOU treated me like , but IT is okay - you have a disability." If we do this are we perpetuating the cycle? Or do we expect a different result, ever hopeful with every holiday?
For most it seems Christmas is the big Kahunah of holidays and falls at the end of the year, a time for forgiving, reflecting, making personal changes and promises for a new and better year. So at what point as parents do we make our children accountable for THEIR actions? At what time in the year do you make them take responsibility for their actions? Give Christmas, but take away Fourth of July, lessen a birthday because it fell the same week he /she suspended from school or do you just say The gifts are gifts and he/she will get them regardless. Or is it your understanding that this mentally ill person can't change some behaviors and you agree to accept that for life?
If you are in the party that says irregardless of his behaviors I'm giving gifts!!? Then do it with no regrets. What I learned this year in therapy was - that's fine - But don't bring it up later in the year as some unforeseen regret, or as a tool to drive a point home with your child. Like "I GOT YOU ALL THOSE PRESENTS and this is how you treat me?" OH brother - Either give or don't but don't be a martyr. THAT itself is almost difficult child behavior. You knew there was a potential for your child to behave inappropriately after the gifts were given so deal with it. Nothing has changed. Why act so surprised?
We need to remember those parents who dont have a child at home due to being in a hospital, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or jail. Many, many sad years I have spent in cinder block conference rooms with a pathetic looking tree and behavior posters for decorations. Only to have staff look at a toy maybe a hearts desire and say Sorry that will have to go back with you; it could be a weapon. Biting the inside of my lip as hot tears streaked my face when we left thinking his dinner would be a bologna sandwich and chips, instead of ham. But we left difficult child there - doing what we were told would give difficult child a better chance sacrificing our holidays over and over in hopes that the placement would be the one that makes the difference and helps difficult child change for the better. Then thinking in the back of my mind - NEXT year will be HUGE!
Those of you who have lost a child to death and would welcome any of our problems just to have your child for one minute this year -Because of you I realize that there are far worse things than bad behavior, and a Christmas in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)s, jail, or fallout from a much wanted traditional holiday. Because of you I feel selfish for believing I have any problems.
What happens if you are poor? What happens if you are sick and cant keep up traditions? What do you believe really happens if you had a celebration without presents? Are you hoping to ensure better behavior? Do you expect nothing in return? Are you still keeping score? I wonder personally where I lost sight of the true meaning for celebrating. This year I vow to focus on that. Thankful for what I have, not for what I think I'll get.
If you think it's not a good idea to reward bad behavior with a party, celebration and gifts at anytime of the year why do we make exceptions? When we stop making exceptions does that make us bad people? Or are we simply too worn out with the day to day behaviors we deal with that we fake it through another occasion so we can say we are normal (whatever normal is) , if even for one day.?
Have we all gotten to a point with our society that the only way our children know we love them is if we buy them LOTS of stuff? How about the love I give all year long when I stand and support you for knowing better, but making poor choice after poor choice? Id actually consider writing congress in an effort to have a parents day but Im afraid it would be just one more celebration Id be forced to withhold due to bad behaviors and thus stick myself in the eye with a fork.
I hope for those of you considering giving up you find time to recoup and reflect on your true meaning of the Christmas holiday. I hope for those of you who say I hate you find love. I hope those of you who feel you are without- feel blessed, and I hope that those of you who are hurting find comfort from this board and its members.
I wish you a very Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Holiday however you choose to celebrate it. I wish you peace, joy , and love.
Star