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Substance Abuse
College age son is successful in some areas but is doing drugs
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 541178" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>It's so difficult to know, what would be a best way to react in this kind of situation. Signorina put it down well. Two main options to react and impossible to know, which one is better. I would be wary of making it a 'world stopping issue' if kid is indeed functioning well in all the other areas of life. Taking a year off to handle this matter may backfire badly. If you would make him take time off from college (by for example not paying it any more), what would you plan him to do during that year? Go to treatment and work probably? That wouldn't take all of his time. What should he do with the rest? His good friends probably being away at college, he would need to make new ones. Would that be good for him? Would frustration of being held back help him to shape up or just let it all go?</p><p></p><p>With problematic kids I would always be worried what would replace any positive thing they are doing, if that thing is taken away from them. We had to make a choice once that resembled this a little bit. Our difficult child, 17 at the time, was caught gambling and stealing middle of his school year and sport season. He was living at home at that time and his sport was high junior level team. He was even paid little pocket money for playing by the team. When caught he was kicked out of the team and we had two choices. Make him take a break for rest of the season (and maybe end his sport career in high level with that), keep him home and going school and put him to treatment. Other option was to send him out of home, three hours away, living partly on his own (somewhat supervised) to play for the other same level junior team, being paid enough to cover his rent and little bit else and let him finish his school through distant learning and have treatment there. It was a difficult choice. But we decided that his sport was the most positive element in his life at that moment and denying that would only had given him more time to do stupid stuff and would probably had caused lot of resentment and frustration. And we were worried that would not end up to anything good. Now year and hald later it seems we did a right choice, but of course we can not know, what would had happened, if we had chosen differently.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 541178, member: 14557"] It's so difficult to know, what would be a best way to react in this kind of situation. Signorina put it down well. Two main options to react and impossible to know, which one is better. I would be wary of making it a 'world stopping issue' if kid is indeed functioning well in all the other areas of life. Taking a year off to handle this matter may backfire badly. If you would make him take time off from college (by for example not paying it any more), what would you plan him to do during that year? Go to treatment and work probably? That wouldn't take all of his time. What should he do with the rest? His good friends probably being away at college, he would need to make new ones. Would that be good for him? Would frustration of being held back help him to shape up or just let it all go? With problematic kids I would always be worried what would replace any positive thing they are doing, if that thing is taken away from them. We had to make a choice once that resembled this a little bit. Our difficult child, 17 at the time, was caught gambling and stealing middle of his school year and sport season. He was living at home at that time and his sport was high junior level team. He was even paid little pocket money for playing by the team. When caught he was kicked out of the team and we had two choices. Make him take a break for rest of the season (and maybe end his sport career in high level with that), keep him home and going school and put him to treatment. Other option was to send him out of home, three hours away, living partly on his own (somewhat supervised) to play for the other same level junior team, being paid enough to cover his rent and little bit else and let him finish his school through distant learning and have treatment there. It was a difficult choice. But we decided that his sport was the most positive element in his life at that moment and denying that would only had given him more time to do stupid stuff and would probably had caused lot of resentment and frustration. And we were worried that would not end up to anything good. Now year and hald later it seems we did a right choice, but of course we can not know, what would had happened, if we had chosen differently. [/QUOTE]
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College age son is successful in some areas but is doing drugs
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