Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Feb 13, 2012.

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  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Matt confessed to myself and his therapist today that he has been struggling with a huge eating disorder for 6 months now. She wants him inpatient or to start going to weekly groups. He is a mess. I somehow knew, back in my other posts, that this was not just physical. I am feeling super, super down and discourages. This is just all so wrong. He doesn't need one more thing.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member



    When we have complex kids, there is no straight-forward fix.
    Somewhere along the line, though, the end of one of the strings sticks out, and THEN there is something to follow.
    It seems to me that this is the start of a "string" for Matt... If he can get help for this, there will be help for other things.

    Just the fact that he was prepared to admit the problem, is a HUGE step forward.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs* At least he's facing it now, being open is asking for help, right?
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Haz, no he is refusing help. He says he wants to die this way, and he is not going to get help. He is prone to changing his mind within seconds though, and I hope that is the case with this. The fact that he admitted it openly, and in detail to the therapist is a huge step forward. Still I know how this goes - I know how hard this is to overcome - it is like kicking a drug habit.
  6. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    Steely, first of all <<<BIG HUGS & WET SLOPPY KISSES>>> it's been to long old friend, second of all (gentle hugs) hang in there hun, you've been on this rocky road longer than I and have so often in the past given me the gutspa to hang in there.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many hugs, Steely.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    At least he has admitted it to his therapist and to you. That is progress all by itself. I hope and pray that he can take control of this and choose to fight it with everything he has.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I agree, this is a big step... most people only tell when they really do underneath it all want help. But there is that push pull thing and it is a hard beast to fight. For him this is a piece of the puzzle it seems (from all you have said) ... while it is a disorder in and of itself, for him it is as IC said part of the string and while that string has lead to this, getting help can start to pull the other way....

    I pray this for him! (and for you and your mommy heart) He is so so cute and I really want life to be an easier road for him....

    HUGS, Dee
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Honestly, it sounds like attention seeking behavior to me. He's not not eating at all, he's eating poorly and lost weight and he has your attention. If he really wants to die from not eating, he wouldn't eat at all. I would have a very tough time not calling his bluff.

    I nearly starved myself because of a depression, but I never once went to anyone and told them I was trying to kill myself by not eating. In fact, that's a primary symptom of Anorexia Nervosa and/or Bullemia - denial. Denying that you're too thin, denying that you're not eating right (you're "eating healthy by not eating fat", for example), "barfing makes me look better", "when I'm thin I'm happy". I was "fine" and people who butted in were nosy and had no idea of what they were talking about.

    I'm not saying that Matt isn't ill, but, wow. What this isn't is an eating disorder. The not eating right is a symptom of something else entirely. I hope that he will get the help that he needs to work on this issue.
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    OK - this is IT. This board has become something I do not want to be a part
    He has lost 30% of his body weight in 5 months --- that is not something a book does -- or something that is purely attention based. I don't know what has happened to us as a community of educated, empathic parents of mentally ill kids, but it has lost all of what it used to be. Goodbye. And I hope the parents of younger kids get better wisdom and insight than I have in the last 3 months. Sad that I have to walk away from a board who used to be so precious. Such is life.
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    For what it is worth, when I had my eating disorder (bulimia and anorexia....) and my heart was slowed , I had motor problems, blood pressure bottomed out, and I had to go in the hospital they told me I could die and I did tell them by that point that I didn't care... I wanted to die, etc..... I just had no hope and no way to pull out of it myself. (gosh feels like a different person to say that... more than 20 years ago)

    People will often say about Q... he is doing that for attention. I usually say, well that is not a bad thing. Wanting or needing more attention is a legitimate issue. Not having the skills to solve the problem is his issue. How can he get these desires for interaction and attention met in a way that does not interfere with other students etc..... Just MHO but even if someone is doing attention-seeking behavior (which I keep reading is often the go to reason people think of but it is not usually the complete underlying problem... may be a layer) then it is really important to figure out what is going on..... It is just as legitimate a need and skill deficit as any other behavior.

    No way I am saying that this is an attention seeking issue, but I was considering the opinion because I think many people might think that and there are times with Q I question too....if this gets too much attention am I going to make it worse?? So, I was thinking OK lets pretend that is the case... my gut said it is still too risky to ignore. I really dont think it is just to get attention but say it was, I worry that the problem in Matt's case would still be that due to his poor nutrition it is making what is already a disorganized manner of thinking and problem solving (due to the NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), anxiety, ptsd etc.) even worse. In that state one can't think rationally and just like anyone who "wants to die" it needs to be taken seriously. He may not be able to express it like a non difficult child.... He may just mean this is too hard....

    Do you think a program-we have here--.... a "sober" house of sorts for people who have eating issues....and other programs for gen. mental health....would be helpful? I wonder if for boys this whole thing can be very different. His living on his own is not going so great, but I realize he doesn't feel comfortable in groups... so hope he can find a supported apt program or something like that....

    I know for sure that there is a program for mental health like that in the mpls area... wonder if you guys have that.... (once he is thru a treatment program) people who have on going mental health issues enter an apartment program...they have their own apts. but they have whatever level of support their team feels is needed...therapists, mentors, life skills coaches, etc.... to come in and help them... from financial, to shopping etc. Not like apt. training for cognitively disabled people, it was for people who needed levels from basic encouragement to more intense therapy and medical management...not a group home so no being with people he wouldn't be able to relate to) Matt would say he hates anything like that if you can find it I bet, but if he is needing the support, he may need medical guardianship to force the issue. If he is too dependent on you (you were trying to pull back, right? sorry if I am wrong) maybe someone else can take on temporary medical guardianship. Esp if doctors say he really is in life threatening condition. No idea if he needs that level of care but just throwing the idea out there.

    I hope his therapist finds a spot for him somewhere.... no one deserves to feel so lousy.
  14. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    I believe witzend was not trying to attack you but rather give you her perspective from having suffered through an eating disorder herself.

    Now here's my take: many of you know that my mother was an alcohol and drug addicted person with bipolar disorder. I think I may have mentioned a few times that she was also extremely underweight for, well, as long as I can remember. She had some serious body image and sexuality issues... I think she was afraid she wouldn't be attractive to the men she prowled if she wasn't thin (but, being bipolar she took this to the extreme and was often emaciated). My mother passed away a few years ago from lung cancer that quickly spread throughout her body. She wasn't physically strong enough to fight and died about eight weeks after first getting her diagnosis.

    So... did my mother have an eating disorder? Or was it a symptom of her bipolar? It didn't really matter in the end because the net result is that she was so physically weak that she quickly succumbed to a serious illness.

    I'm very worried for Matt. Losing 30% of one's body weight is not good unless prescribed for those of us that are overweight to begin with and under a physician's care. This isn't the case with Matt. I think, whatever the underlying cause, that he must be compelled (read that as Baker Acted) into receiving immediate emergency inpatient treatment for nutrional supplementation. He could be developing permanent damage to his organs and this could end up greatly impacting his life expectancy.

    I'm not saying this lightly, but things have gotten to the point that "why" doesn't matter as much as "now".

    I think I would try to find a doctor/therapist that would see the urgency and help you act quickly. He will hate for a while but at least he'll live long enough to eventually forgive you.
  15. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    post removed
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  16. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    With all due respect, witz, I'd be incredibly worried if it were a 20 something Duckie that we were talking about here and not Matt. 30% is a lot to lose and is probably pretty obvious just by looking at him; I can't blame Steely for being beside herself. It's reaching the level of emergency now and must be addressed from a physical standpoint in the short term; the rest can be sorted out when he's out of medical danger.

    As for posts that we don't agree with, want or appreciate: this is a public forum and we stress that one should take what we need and leave the rest. I am not, as a moderator, particularly interested in settling quarrels between members. If someone is upsetting you (this is for everyone), then please do not read their threads or responses. Walk away. If you cannot do that then I suggest you go to that member's profile and click on the "add to ignore list". We are all here to offer our mutual support and experiences. Let's all keep the discourse as cordial as possible.
  17. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    post removed
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  18. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Ladies... enough. This thread is being locked. Take it to PM.
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