victorearose
New Member
I am so confused.
SO thinks 8yo difficult child is running the house. Thinks I let him. Thinks I need to be tougher and give him consequences. Says I actually reward his bad behavior.
I am so confused. Maybe I don't do anything because I don't know what to do.
She says I do fine with 5yo easy child. She says I am on top of her and that I tiptoe around difficult child to keep him from having meltdowns.
At the same time she says things that antagonize and make the meltdowns worse.
She blames me for his bad behavior and says if I keep doing nothing that he will be in prison someday.
Read "The Explosive Child". Plan B seems to help sometimes. Other times it just seems like psychobabble and SO doesn't believe in it and does Plan A+ all the time and interferes with me trying to do Plan B.
She says that he doesn't act this way with just her. He knows he can't get away with it.
Ex says he doesn't act this way with him. He says tis because he is with the kids more ... and nips it in the bud ... I don't know what he means by that. Mostly, his house is such a mess that they all stay in one room together with the tv on kids movies all the time.
I'm the one making the appts with neurologist and wanting to see neuropsychologist, thinking that maybe difficult child isn't just a product of my bad parenting or the product of divorced parents and now-lesbian mom.
Maybe I'm the one that is crazy
So the big thing today was ... we were playing miniature golf and difficult child is getting upset cuz he is always last when teeing off. I try empathy ... he keeps getting upset. SO takes him off the course and they turn in their clubs and balls and apparently, he threw his cup of coke and it splashed on some strangers and almost hit a ladies laptop. He is screaming and she covers his mouth with her hand and he later tells me that he couldn't breath when she did this (I didn't see this). He tells her that she is mean and she says that he hasn't seen mean. She admits to putting her hand over his mouth and losing his temper and saying this to him.
Maybe I should go back to plain simple discipline. Maybe i think bout it too much.
Maybe I need to simply point out that a behavior is unacceptable and what the consequence with be if he does it again.
SO offered to move out tonight and let me raise him by myself and visit him in the pen in 10 years.
His anxiety, I think, is up. School starts next week. He has been ticcing like a clock for the past week. We went out of town for the weekend. Why is she surprised that he had some meltdowns. We should have anticipated them. So, do we alter our life to accomodate his inflexibility or do we punish him that he can't handle the frustration of not being perfect?
Then, we get home and he is helping unload the van ... making four or five trips in and out with heavy stuff without being asked and without complaining. I am thinking now, he was back home and comfortable again. This is the child he is when he can be ... not what happened earlier.
SO is a school nurse ... works in the developmental center. She wouldn't get angry at one of those kids for acting out. She would understand that they can't control their behavior. Why does she feel differently about difficult child? Because he is above average intelligence?
Can he really not control his emotions and behavior?
If he can't control it, I guess I have to control it for him? How do I do that without "punishing" him? Does he just need good old-fashioned spankings?
Is he manipulating and controlling me? Why does he not tantrum with SO or ex?
Is forcing him to do something just for the sake of asserting her adult will over his child will teaching him anything?
Thanks for listening ...
SO thinks 8yo difficult child is running the house. Thinks I let him. Thinks I need to be tougher and give him consequences. Says I actually reward his bad behavior.
I am so confused. Maybe I don't do anything because I don't know what to do.
She says I do fine with 5yo easy child. She says I am on top of her and that I tiptoe around difficult child to keep him from having meltdowns.
At the same time she says things that antagonize and make the meltdowns worse.
She blames me for his bad behavior and says if I keep doing nothing that he will be in prison someday.
Read "The Explosive Child". Plan B seems to help sometimes. Other times it just seems like psychobabble and SO doesn't believe in it and does Plan A+ all the time and interferes with me trying to do Plan B.
She says that he doesn't act this way with just her. He knows he can't get away with it.
Ex says he doesn't act this way with him. He says tis because he is with the kids more ... and nips it in the bud ... I don't know what he means by that. Mostly, his house is such a mess that they all stay in one room together with the tv on kids movies all the time.
I'm the one making the appts with neurologist and wanting to see neuropsychologist, thinking that maybe difficult child isn't just a product of my bad parenting or the product of divorced parents and now-lesbian mom.
Maybe I'm the one that is crazy
So the big thing today was ... we were playing miniature golf and difficult child is getting upset cuz he is always last when teeing off. I try empathy ... he keeps getting upset. SO takes him off the course and they turn in their clubs and balls and apparently, he threw his cup of coke and it splashed on some strangers and almost hit a ladies laptop. He is screaming and she covers his mouth with her hand and he later tells me that he couldn't breath when she did this (I didn't see this). He tells her that she is mean and she says that he hasn't seen mean. She admits to putting her hand over his mouth and losing his temper and saying this to him.
Maybe I should go back to plain simple discipline. Maybe i think bout it too much.
Maybe I need to simply point out that a behavior is unacceptable and what the consequence with be if he does it again.
SO offered to move out tonight and let me raise him by myself and visit him in the pen in 10 years.
His anxiety, I think, is up. School starts next week. He has been ticcing like a clock for the past week. We went out of town for the weekend. Why is she surprised that he had some meltdowns. We should have anticipated them. So, do we alter our life to accomodate his inflexibility or do we punish him that he can't handle the frustration of not being perfect?
Then, we get home and he is helping unload the van ... making four or five trips in and out with heavy stuff without being asked and without complaining. I am thinking now, he was back home and comfortable again. This is the child he is when he can be ... not what happened earlier.
SO is a school nurse ... works in the developmental center. She wouldn't get angry at one of those kids for acting out. She would understand that they can't control their behavior. Why does she feel differently about difficult child? Because he is above average intelligence?
Can he really not control his emotions and behavior?
If he can't control it, I guess I have to control it for him? How do I do that without "punishing" him? Does he just need good old-fashioned spankings?
Is he manipulating and controlling me? Why does he not tantrum with SO or ex?
Is forcing him to do something just for the sake of asserting her adult will over his child will teaching him anything?
Thanks for listening ...