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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 417696" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>Susie, even <em>if</em> your post ****** me off, that would be ok! lol </p><p></p><p>But it doesn't.</p><p></p><p>I have gone back to a counselor, and am going to attempt to get husband to go. I honestly doubt he will. Honestly, I think the marriage is over.</p><p></p><p>Thing is, he didn't used to be this way. The hope I cling to is that somehow he can find his way back to that guy....but so far, he hasn't even attempted. </p><p></p><p>I pretty much put it on the line Saturday, either he started stepping up, or I would start making changes. This place looks more and more like his folks' place every day, and I will NOT live like that. And I will not continue to support every flippin thing here. Either he steps up, or I will reduce my workload. If that includes him....then we will not have a camper, horses, or trucks. If it includes campers, horses, and trucks, it won't include him. I don't think he realizes how serious I am, but he's very close to seeing it....I promise you that. </p><p></p><p>As you know, I am friends with his sister's ex husband and his new wife. New wife really thinks now that husband is the only "man" in the family, he doesn't have any competition to hold onto his golden boy status with mama and daddy.... And I'm not so sure she's not on to something. And as he holds a higher position with them, he takes on more and more of their attitudes. And I've seen that in him...one night when I tried to discuss the vehicle maintenance, he said he was sorry his family wasn't rich like mine. Couple weeks later, my friend who owns the cafe said his parents had been in there before husband said that to me, ranting and raving about how I was a spoiled rich kid. Which I totally don't get, beings that I am the one attempting to keep old stuff going so I don't have to spend money to replace it and he's the one that doesn't care. But really, I'm standing there saying "you have to take care of stuff" and he says "I'm sorry my family isn't rich like yours"? Where does that even come from???</p><p></p><p>I have told him that I am not, and never will be (and not by my choice) a HisLastName. I am a third wheel in the relationship between him and his parents, and I've told them all it will not continue. </p><p></p><p>He no longer contributes much financially to the family. He contributes next to nothing in labor and workload and actually creates more work for me. He has blown up more cars in the past 3 years than I have gotten rid of and replaced in the past 25...and all of them still ran. And he only accepts minimal responsibility for one of them. (he put his truck in a bind and broke the transmission case - on a transmission that was less than 3 years old, the transmission was so worn, it was not worth rebuilding). The other 2 he drove for over a year without ever changing the oil in them and claims no responsibility for those overheating and blowing head gaskets.</p><p></p><p>Its really close to over. I just haven't posted all the gory details. But thank you, Susie. I'm on it, but if I wasn't, I needed to hear that!</p><p></p><p>And I guess it might be diff if his whole family wasn't so awful. He intends to take over their "farm" when they pass on, and frankly, I think their attitude towards me being a non-involved person in that place that by the time that happens, it will be ingrained in husband as well, and will never change. But I really see that being the way it goes unless it changes long before then...and i'd like to build our own life...you know, build a house of our own on our own place...not just wait for mom and dad to croak...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 417696, member: 1848"] Susie, even [I]if[/I] your post ****** me off, that would be ok! lol But it doesn't. I have gone back to a counselor, and am going to attempt to get husband to go. I honestly doubt he will. Honestly, I think the marriage is over. Thing is, he didn't used to be this way. The hope I cling to is that somehow he can find his way back to that guy....but so far, he hasn't even attempted. I pretty much put it on the line Saturday, either he started stepping up, or I would start making changes. This place looks more and more like his folks' place every day, and I will NOT live like that. And I will not continue to support every flippin thing here. Either he steps up, or I will reduce my workload. If that includes him....then we will not have a camper, horses, or trucks. If it includes campers, horses, and trucks, it won't include him. I don't think he realizes how serious I am, but he's very close to seeing it....I promise you that. As you know, I am friends with his sister's ex husband and his new wife. New wife really thinks now that husband is the only "man" in the family, he doesn't have any competition to hold onto his golden boy status with mama and daddy.... And I'm not so sure she's not on to something. And as he holds a higher position with them, he takes on more and more of their attitudes. And I've seen that in him...one night when I tried to discuss the vehicle maintenance, he said he was sorry his family wasn't rich like mine. Couple weeks later, my friend who owns the cafe said his parents had been in there before husband said that to me, ranting and raving about how I was a spoiled rich kid. Which I totally don't get, beings that I am the one attempting to keep old stuff going so I don't have to spend money to replace it and he's the one that doesn't care. But really, I'm standing there saying "you have to take care of stuff" and he says "I'm sorry my family isn't rich like yours"? Where does that even come from??? I have told him that I am not, and never will be (and not by my choice) a HisLastName. I am a third wheel in the relationship between him and his parents, and I've told them all it will not continue. He no longer contributes much financially to the family. He contributes next to nothing in labor and workload and actually creates more work for me. He has blown up more cars in the past 3 years than I have gotten rid of and replaced in the past 25...and all of them still ran. And he only accepts minimal responsibility for one of them. (he put his truck in a bind and broke the transmission case - on a transmission that was less than 3 years old, the transmission was so worn, it was not worth rebuilding). The other 2 he drove for over a year without ever changing the oil in them and claims no responsibility for those overheating and blowing head gaskets. Its really close to over. I just haven't posted all the gory details. But thank you, Susie. I'm on it, but if I wasn't, I needed to hear that! And I guess it might be diff if his whole family wasn't so awful. He intends to take over their "farm" when they pass on, and frankly, I think their attitude towards me being a non-involved person in that place that by the time that happens, it will be ingrained in husband as well, and will never change. But I really see that being the way it goes unless it changes long before then...and i'd like to build our own life...you know, build a house of our own on our own place...not just wait for mom and dad to croak... [/QUOTE]
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