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Coordination of Large Families
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 329275" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I'm a planner. I like a plan. I can be flexible if things come up with others. I don't like plans that have no actual plan. Vagueness almost always results in confusion I've found, and somehow someone usually ends up waiting around, as if their time isnt important, while others diddle dawdle to their own contentment. I find it fuels resentment or results in cancellations etc. It drives me batty!!!</p><p></p><p>My S/O's family are the worst for it. They are great people. But they have zero ability to make plans. even if a plan is made, it is never followed through on. Saying they'll arrive for dinner early to visit, say at 3p.m., means to expect that somewhere about 6p.m. when dinner is nearly dried up in the oven and you are ready to naw on wood or eat your own limbs, they'll surface but want to visit before dinner. GRR!!</p><p></p><p>Weeks ago we mentioned to S/O's brother that we'd like to visit during the holidays. He lives about 2 hours away and he picks us up and brings us home. We usually stay a few days and can always visit S/O's mother who lives near his brother. Well, this year as always it wasn't a confirmed thing. Nothing more was mentioned beyond if he's able to get us, we'd love to visit. So yesterday, the 26th, we get a call "what time are we getting you tomorrow". HUH??? We thought since nothing was decided and ever mentioned again, it wasn't doable on their end. Suddenly we should go tomorrow?? We can't. No plans made with difficult child (who doesn't join us when we visit there). We had some ideas of how to spend our next few days. On the 30th we have the Olympic torch coming to town and a huge city party that both kids want to see. His brother had decided he'd bring us home Jan. 1. But the 31rst is our anniversary and we have plans together. So that wasnt' working. We might not have made those plans had we made plans with his brother. But we hadn't. Apparently the brother thought we had, by virtue of mentioning the first day or two of December that we would be open to making a plan to visit. This happens often, always actually in terms of getting with his family for something. Its very frustrating. We always cave in and go with whatever they think we'd planned. S/O this year said thanks but we can't make it since we hadn't heard from you wether a visit was happening so assumed this late in the month that it wasnt' workable. Therefore we had made other plans. First time in all these years he's bucked tradition of following their routine. (or lack of one)</p><p></p><p>We can't control how they work. So we kind of decided from now on that if their vagueness ends up meshing with what works for us, we will go along, otherwise we will bow out. </p><p></p><p>I don't know how people travel distances without notice or planning. I simply need a plan.</p><p></p><p>I totally understand your frustration, it is a difficult pattern to follow if you are a planner.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 329275, member: 4264"] I'm a planner. I like a plan. I can be flexible if things come up with others. I don't like plans that have no actual plan. Vagueness almost always results in confusion I've found, and somehow someone usually ends up waiting around, as if their time isnt important, while others diddle dawdle to their own contentment. I find it fuels resentment or results in cancellations etc. It drives me batty!!! My S/O's family are the worst for it. They are great people. But they have zero ability to make plans. even if a plan is made, it is never followed through on. Saying they'll arrive for dinner early to visit, say at 3p.m., means to expect that somewhere about 6p.m. when dinner is nearly dried up in the oven and you are ready to naw on wood or eat your own limbs, they'll surface but want to visit before dinner. GRR!! Weeks ago we mentioned to S/O's brother that we'd like to visit during the holidays. He lives about 2 hours away and he picks us up and brings us home. We usually stay a few days and can always visit S/O's mother who lives near his brother. Well, this year as always it wasn't a confirmed thing. Nothing more was mentioned beyond if he's able to get us, we'd love to visit. So yesterday, the 26th, we get a call "what time are we getting you tomorrow". HUH??? We thought since nothing was decided and ever mentioned again, it wasn't doable on their end. Suddenly we should go tomorrow?? We can't. No plans made with difficult child (who doesn't join us when we visit there). We had some ideas of how to spend our next few days. On the 30th we have the Olympic torch coming to town and a huge city party that both kids want to see. His brother had decided he'd bring us home Jan. 1. But the 31rst is our anniversary and we have plans together. So that wasnt' working. We might not have made those plans had we made plans with his brother. But we hadn't. Apparently the brother thought we had, by virtue of mentioning the first day or two of December that we would be open to making a plan to visit. This happens often, always actually in terms of getting with his family for something. Its very frustrating. We always cave in and go with whatever they think we'd planned. S/O this year said thanks but we can't make it since we hadn't heard from you wether a visit was happening so assumed this late in the month that it wasnt' workable. Therefore we had made other plans. First time in all these years he's bucked tradition of following their routine. (or lack of one) We can't control how they work. So we kind of decided from now on that if their vagueness ends up meshing with what works for us, we will go along, otherwise we will bow out. I don't know how people travel distances without notice or planning. I simply need a plan. I totally understand your frustration, it is a difficult pattern to follow if you are a planner. [/QUOTE]
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