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Cops called, wife gone
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 349552" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>Miles</p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry to hear about this situation. Was the incident enough to get her admitted to a psychiatric hospital?</p><p> </p><p>I have done my fair share of bipolar things to loved ones. It is a hard life for family members. There are support groups for that.</p><p> </p><p>Tough love was most effective for me. Of course being patient and understanding are great when a person is rational and responsive. For myself the only thing that was effective was pain, pain extreme enough that I sobered up from the mania long enough to accept help.(or a trip to psychiatric hospital) This pain was realizing I was hurting or about to lose a loved one. Once I got that wild look in my eyes there was no reasoning with me, no bringing me back down unless I crash landed. </p><p> </p><p>It's normal to still love your wife and worry for her in spite of her actions. That makes you a good husband. Right now though, the most important thing is being a good Dad. I lost my ex husband to schizophrenia. Of course his body is alive but the man I knew died a long time ago and left a shadow in his place. It was a long, slow and brutal process. All along I though my difficult child was oblivious or coping well. </p><p> </p><p>I know with absolute certainty that 90% of difficult child's issues are from me not leaving soon enough. The way things ended with my ex caused difficult child permanent emotional damage.</p><p> </p><p>In her defense, you are speaking to the mania, not neccessarily her. I have shouted and "meant" divorce lots of times. Ultimately it was the mania talking. It really is a time of confusion. I would sometimes feel as if I had two personalities, good and evil...almost like the devil or angel on a persons shoulder in a cartoon. I look back now with deep shame and remorse for some of my actions when in a manic rage. When stable my true nature is gentle. Sometimes the guilt is overwhelimng when coming down from the mania, so overhwelming that it's easier to check back out again then face the damage done.</p><p> </p><p>Not every person comes back completely, my ex didn't. I on the other hand am well as can be but I still have to work hard at maintaining my progress. IF your wife gets help it still can take a long road to recover and get medications right. It's harder than fighting an addiction. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Have you considered a legal separation? It handles custody but isn't a final split. I had custody papers that required ex get anger management at one point so stipulations are possible. Maybe after there is time for the dust to settle she could prove herself to you and the kids again. If she is cycling the responsibilities of family may be too much for her right now. Maybe some time for her to get herself in order wouldn't be such a terrible thing. Nobody says you can't still date her on Fridays and have a planned, healthy family game night on Saturdays, you know? </p><p> </p><p>Take time to really think about what you and the kids need before deciding. It doesn't have to be black or white, you don't have to decide the rest of your life overnight. </p><p> </p><p>I wish you the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 349552, member: 8617"] Miles I am so sorry to hear about this situation. Was the incident enough to get her admitted to a psychiatric hospital? I have done my fair share of bipolar things to loved ones. It is a hard life for family members. There are support groups for that. Tough love was most effective for me. Of course being patient and understanding are great when a person is rational and responsive. For myself the only thing that was effective was pain, pain extreme enough that I sobered up from the mania long enough to accept help.(or a trip to psychiatric hospital) This pain was realizing I was hurting or about to lose a loved one. Once I got that wild look in my eyes there was no reasoning with me, no bringing me back down unless I crash landed. It's normal to still love your wife and worry for her in spite of her actions. That makes you a good husband. Right now though, the most important thing is being a good Dad. I lost my ex husband to schizophrenia. Of course his body is alive but the man I knew died a long time ago and left a shadow in his place. It was a long, slow and brutal process. All along I though my difficult child was oblivious or coping well. I know with absolute certainty that 90% of difficult child's issues are from me not leaving soon enough. The way things ended with my ex caused difficult child permanent emotional damage. In her defense, you are speaking to the mania, not neccessarily her. I have shouted and "meant" divorce lots of times. Ultimately it was the mania talking. It really is a time of confusion. I would sometimes feel as if I had two personalities, good and evil...almost like the devil or angel on a persons shoulder in a cartoon. I look back now with deep shame and remorse for some of my actions when in a manic rage. When stable my true nature is gentle. Sometimes the guilt is overwhelimng when coming down from the mania, so overhwelming that it's easier to check back out again then face the damage done. Not every person comes back completely, my ex didn't. I on the other hand am well as can be but I still have to work hard at maintaining my progress. IF your wife gets help it still can take a long road to recover and get medications right. It's harder than fighting an addiction. Have you considered a legal separation? It handles custody but isn't a final split. I had custody papers that required ex get anger management at one point so stipulations are possible. Maybe after there is time for the dust to settle she could prove herself to you and the kids again. If she is cycling the responsibilities of family may be too much for her right now. Maybe some time for her to get herself in order wouldn't be such a terrible thing. Nobody says you can't still date her on Fridays and have a planned, healthy family game night on Saturdays, you know? Take time to really think about what you and the kids need before deciding. It doesn't have to be black or white, you don't have to decide the rest of your life overnight. I wish you the best. [/QUOTE]
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