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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 473417"><p>You have gotten some great thoughts and advice here from some voices of experience. A couple of more thoughts on DV.... first anyone, and I mean anyone can find themselves in an abusive relationship. A relationship often does not start out abusive and by the time you realize it is abusive you are already in deep, already love the person and it is complicated and difficult to leave... for both emotional and practical reasons.</p><p></p><p>I strongly believe there is a big difference between addiction and DV and yet people often think that the same methods should be used... ie tough love. I don't believe tough love works the same way with DV. The reason being that the abusive partner usually wants to isolate their partner from family and friends and does what they can to accomplish this. So when a family member refuses to have anything to do with their loved one unless they leave the partner they just help accomplish the isolation..... and the more isolated the person becomes the harder it is to leave. It is much much easier to get out of an abusive relationship with the love and support of family and friends.</p><p></p><p>This doesn't mean that a family member or friend should not set some limits... or needs to spend time in the company of the abuser... but if they can let their loved one know that they are there, love them and will suppor tthem it truly can help. But remember the abusers goal is to isolate their partner, so doing what you can to foil that goal and give the person who is being abused a sense of love and support can make a huge difference.</p><p></p><p>I hope even if your daughter does not reach out to a DV program that you can.... it might be easier for her if she had the name of a specific person to talk to when she is ready.... and for you to get support in the very heartbreaking place of having a child in such a dangerous relationship.</p><p></p><p>Did she report the latest beating to the police? If they knew about it and there is evidence they should arrest him... and yes in most states they can prosecute without the victims participation if they have enough evidence.</p><p></p><p>It is heartbreaking and i feel for you.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 473417"] You have gotten some great thoughts and advice here from some voices of experience. A couple of more thoughts on DV.... first anyone, and I mean anyone can find themselves in an abusive relationship. A relationship often does not start out abusive and by the time you realize it is abusive you are already in deep, already love the person and it is complicated and difficult to leave... for both emotional and practical reasons. I strongly believe there is a big difference between addiction and DV and yet people often think that the same methods should be used... ie tough love. I don't believe tough love works the same way with DV. The reason being that the abusive partner usually wants to isolate their partner from family and friends and does what they can to accomplish this. So when a family member refuses to have anything to do with their loved one unless they leave the partner they just help accomplish the isolation..... and the more isolated the person becomes the harder it is to leave. It is much much easier to get out of an abusive relationship with the love and support of family and friends. This doesn't mean that a family member or friend should not set some limits... or needs to spend time in the company of the abuser... but if they can let their loved one know that they are there, love them and will suppor tthem it truly can help. But remember the abusers goal is to isolate their partner, so doing what you can to foil that goal and give the person who is being abused a sense of love and support can make a huge difference. I hope even if your daughter does not reach out to a DV program that you can.... it might be easier for her if she had the name of a specific person to talk to when she is ready.... and for you to get support in the very heartbreaking place of having a child in such a dangerous relationship. Did she report the latest beating to the police? If they knew about it and there is evidence they should arrest him... and yes in most states they can prosecute without the victims participation if they have enough evidence. It is heartbreaking and i feel for you. TL [/QUOTE]
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