Could you PLEASE just ZIP IT???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totoro, May 19, 2008.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I have no clue how to deal with this? It is K's inability to determine what is personal and what is private.
    She also does not know when to leave someone alone, she will go up to ANYONE and just start talking and talking and talking... she will then shut me out and not listen to me, becoming angry at me if I ask her to stop or come back over to me!
    (I know I talk a lot, but I think you all are my friends!)

    Today for example, we go to the little coffee kiosk down a couple of blocks from where we live, they have food and a place to sit outside.
    Another Mom and her 8 yo daughter show up... It was just K and I. K straight up to them, dread, (they have not even ordered yet) "Hi my name is K, I live on a dead end street, my Dad is out of town, I have Roller Coaster Feelings, what is your name, I am 7, my birthday is in July, I am going to school in a little while, I am going to move to Tucson, I have a dog it is a Chesapeake, her name is Clemey, well Clementine, but we call her Clemey...."

    Meanwhile, they are just staring at her, have not said a word, hew words are racing out. I am quietly saying K, please come here so they can order. She glares at me. She just stands and stares at them... the Mom finally talks to her. I have to make conversation... They ended up being nice, but the girl never talked to K. K basically kept talking.

    She does this all of the time, interrupts, talks to strangers, tells people things I would prefer her not to.
    We have done social stories, had long talks, gotten mad, yelled, acted things out.... she has been like this since she could talk.

    I hate it. People who don't see it a lot (mother in law, some friends) think it is cute. :biting: Sometimes it make me not want to go anywhere, a lot of times...

    It is not. mother in law says things like, "She is just friendly" I think there are a lot better ways to show friendliness.

    Does anyone have any ideas? We are going to look into therapy when we get to Tucson. I begged for social therapy here and no-one thought she needed it... the social issues go on and on...
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Do you think it could be anxiety?
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Hopefully when she is in Tucson it is something that they can work on with her. You know how they never think that our perceptions of them are valid. They have to hear it from someone else.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    My son does this sort of thing when he is hypomanic. Solution for him- depakote er. Even at 13 yo, he comes across disrespectful because he interrupts, will continuously confess everything he (and me) have ever done wrong to PO, school district, anyone- he doesn't see a problem. He can't quit talking, walking, etc, and seems clueless about it being an issue. When he is stable, I can hardly get him to speak a word to anyone that is not family. I wondered from a couple of your threads if K has really reached a point of stability. What do you think- given her age and that you know her personality- has she always been talkative- like a social butterfly personality? Maybe it is her nature- I can't say since I don't know her. But, it is a definite possibility of being symptommatic.

    PS This sounded sooo much like my son that I chuckled all the way through your post. I can't tell you the times that my son has sat there and went on and on about things that make him look guiltier and more horrid than he is and ignnore every social clue I can throw in his face. Then when he is stable- he says well, I am more matuere now. UH HUH!!

    PS Anxiety can make it worse- whether or not it is ALL anxiety- I don't know.
  5. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member


    ]While I think you have to try therapy and all that, I wouldn't be too hopeful that you are going to make great progress until there is a little more maturity/a little less BiPolar (BP). That said, one of the concepts my son's therapist worked with him on in K was the notion of space bubbles, that everyone has one around them, and you don't physically or verbally invade. You could have her draw pictures of people with space bubbles around them, talk about her little sister invading hers, how interruptions are an invasion. It helped my son a little. Maybe you could have a code word (space bubble) when she is invading other people's. Ulitmately though I think you just have to be prepared to curtail your social activities. You could try going to a place, plan on spending five minutes, if she can maintain, tell her you will go back again. But really, don't know how much in control she is. It might be anxiety, it could be impulsiveness, it could be inability to read facial expressions. But the right kind of social skills training might make some difference.

    sorry. so much to cope with. especially sad that it curtails your life and the moments you would like to share with her.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I don't think she is stable, since she is still violent... and extremely manic throughout the day. You know the look. In the past week, she has slammed a book in my face, spit in my face, jumped on N's back, scared the $*$* out of N, Attacked me numerous times and is still hallucinating! psychiatrist prescribed Risperdal fastmelts PRN,
    We are gong to keep up the Depakote just give it a shot... because she has/had been this way prior to starting it.

    She has been SOCIAL since a baby, she was the outgoing baby, she was the baby that scared other babies, she would choke them instead of hugging them. She has always been outgoing, and only recently has become anxious where she will not talk at times or hide behind me. Or refuse to go out.
    She is the same right now as she was off medications and prior to starting medications.
    The difference is, since starting Depakote she can focus a little bit more. It has only been about a week and a half though.
    Even if this is just her... it is still annoying!!! LOL
    It does seem to be worse at different times though. I will have to monitor it and see if she seems more manic???
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hey, toto. My wee difficult child does it, too. He's so small for his age that people don't think too much of it yet, but its coming. He's getting big enuf that it won't be "cute" much longer.

    Wish I had some answers for you. With my little guy, I tend to stay home when this is likely. Otherwise, we just work on what's appropriate to say and pause after questions. We work on it, but so far its not working too well. Other than he is better at saying appropriate things instead of his life history or latest bowel movement...
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Pepper, we did this for a long time, we said anything that was inside of you arms length, was you personal space! Even her Occupational Therapist (OT) tried different things with her... I don't know, she thought maybe it was part of her Sensory Integration Disorder (SID)/sensory processing disorder (SPD) stuff. She still gets in peoples faces her sisters...
    I agree it may just take time. I cringe at Birthday Parties, between her SCREAMING and touching and pushing everyone...
    Oh and don't gorget telling everyone our life story, very fast!!!
  9. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Shari~ Thanks for the laugh... yeah it isn't cute for too long!!! Yeah the "Hey I have a rash" Just doesn't do it for me anymore...
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    As you know, different medications work on our kids differently, but it might be worth asking psychiatrist about a higher dose of depakote and changing to the ER type if that isn't what she is already on. Or- there are some others if the depakote isn't working for her. Until the past month or so, lithobid kept difficult child sleeping normally and prevented the rages, but the depakote er took care of the talking, hyperness, etc. He had to have both, in absence of finding one medication that would address all these symptoms.
  11. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Toto, to me it sounds like pressured speech associated with hypomania/mania. I'm guessing she can't control it right now, but you may see vast improvement once the medications kick in.

    Here's hoping . . .
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My money is that it's from the BiPolar (BP). My daughter did some excessive sharing, but not to that extent and I think it has more to do with not understanding boundaries with her.

    I knew a woman who is BiPolar (BP) and she was like that medicated (although I don't think she was very medication-compliant and/or on good medications for her).
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It sounds to me like the pressured speech stuff too and she hasnt been on depakote that long. It can take up to 8 weeks at the adequate dose so you may be in for a wait!

    Cory was a boundary challenged child...well he still can be...for years. We worked on the balloon theory thing before it was popular I think. I got one of those really big things that blow bubbles and made one all around him and told him that was his personal space and that everyone else had one just like it around them too...before he could invade anyone elses private bubble he had to ask first. It took probably two years of him messing up before he got it but by 6th grade he had stopped hugging everyone he
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh and I forgot...on the telling all your personal business! Billy was the worst one for that.

    When Billy was young and we all lived in North Myrtle Beach we all lived within a mile of my mom so Billy stayed with her most of the time. My mom lived to tell Billy every bad thing I had ever done in my life. In complete detail that no 3 year old needed to hear.

    One day I had taken the boys to get pictures taken. Well I think it was only Billy because I was pregnant with Jamie then. So there is Billy up there and the camera man is chatting away to him to get him to smile...and Billy starts talking...people are gathered around waiting there turn. Billy starts talking..."Ya know...My mommy and daddy had to get married because she got pregnant with me." Silence all around. Then Billy continues on. "Thats my mommy over there....that baby isnt from my daddy though, my daddy left her and now she is having a baby for another guy." I could have literally killed him right
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Any chance that we could share the same mother, Janet?
  16. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I don't have any answers, my difficult child did that but it has gotten better as he aged, and with good medications. For him school did a lot of the trick, kids thought he was weird and he had some good teachers who worked with him.

    I hope it gets better, it used to drive me crazy too.
  17. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Now that my kids are older, I have on occasion told them half seriously that if they can't behave in public (which they can now), i was going to make up cards that said please excuse my child, he has a mental illness and can't help his behavior and hand them out when we were at supermarket etc. I remember when I was in a foreign country that sometimes a blind or deaf person would come up and give you one of these type of cards (to try to get you to give them money).

    The threat was sufficient to get them to change their behavior, lol. But there was little i could do before we found the right medications that would have helped.

    I dunno, maybe you could just say to the mom in the type of situations you mentioned that you are working on social skills with her or something like that.
  18. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Thanks everyone! At least even though she is going to air all of my dirty laundry. Thanks Janet!!! At least I know I share some good company...
    When poor Indy was run over by the neighbor, she would walk up to people and look at them and just blurt that out!
    The look on their stunned faces, I felt so bad...
    She does the, My Mom does not have a Mommy or Daddy thing also... I am looking at the person, Ha Ha... funny kid.
    We just increased the Depakote Sprinkles on Friday. We are going to keep it at this level until out next blood draw, and then she will see psychiatrist in June. psychiatrist wants to wait for now to add on anything or increase until she sees us again. I kind of like this plan.
    She is at 125mg QID. 1 am, 2 pm. She actually was calmer today, no violence!!! Yesterday or today!!! Yipee.
  19. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    OMG! Miss KT used to do this...and I've been ready to murder her more than once because she just WOULD NOT stop talking! I remember one incident when, after nothing would distract her from her story, I gently (honestly) pinched her arm...and she screamed bloody murder and announced, "You pinched me! Why do you always have to hurt me? You broke my arm!"

    No, I hadn't, but I was about ready to after that...she finally grew out of it. I know that's no help right now, though. Hugs to you...they just don't get it.
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Janet...."Boundary Challenged"! Too funny.

    Pepper - seriously, we've done the card thing. Not with difficult child, but with my grandmother-in-law. She had alzheimers an would flip out at the oddest things...and my then mother in law had to fly her home from Florida. We made up a bunch of business cards with a brief explanation of the situation and that we needed to get her home with the least amount of tension possible - people took them and were very cooperative. It did help.

    My mom has also received a card from the mother of an autistic boy when they sat close to my mom in a restaraunt. My mom thinks its a great idea. I haven't done it yet, but there's times I wished I'd had them made up.