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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 237356" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>(((((hugs))))))</p><p> </p><p>I understand your embarrassed over yours and dhs behavior during the session.....but most likely it gave therapist some valuable insight into the dynamics of your relationship.</p><p> </p><p>Wow. I so get the "I FEED THE DOG" thing.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> That is so my husband. He washes two or three dishes while leaving the rest and the whole kitchen a wreck and brags on it like he spent hours cleaning the whole house. ugh</p><p> </p><p>I ask 3 simple things of my husband: Go to work everyday, pay the bills, and mow the grass. And he can't do any of those 3 with any consistancy at all. Everything else I could and did manage myself. But usually I'm telling him he's not sick and needs to go to work, reminding him that so and so bill is overdue, and clenching my teeth because the yard has been mowed maybe 3 times during the whole summer.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite4" alt=":mad:" title="Mad :mad:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":mad:" /></p><p> </p><p>Wow. Fourteen years with no intimacy.....that's not really a relationship at all. (I'm not talking sex) And it doesn't sound like husband has been much of a "partner", either, as a parent or as even a friend. Sounds like you've both been hanging in limbo for 14 years. </p><p> </p><p>It was painful for me when I came to relize that my husband had never loved me. Actually, it was like being hit over the head with a 2 ton brick. But once I got that thru my thick skull.......behavior and such made sense. (either love really is blind, or I'm awfully good at lying to myself)</p><p> </p><p>That was when I woke up and realized I could only "change" me. Nothing I can do or say will change husband. He has to want it and be willing to try. So I laid it on the line to him after much thought and consideration. What I have to have in order for this 25 yr marriage to continue. And he has until I'm finished with nursing school to decide what he wants and is willing to do.</p><p> </p><p>Experts say that you <strong>will know</strong> when a relationship is over. Because when it is, there will be no doubt in your mind, there will be no emotion, not even anger. It will be just simply over.</p><p> </p><p>That's where I've been for 5 yrs. And I didn't believe it until I got there. </p><p> </p><p>Thru this process you need to find out what you want, what is good for you, what you need. You need to be willing to see your marriage for what it actually is, instead of what you want, hope, and pray it will be. And then you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life the way it is now if husband is unwilling to change.</p><p> </p><p>Sending many warm (((((hugs))))). It's a very painful process, I know. Vent all you need to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 237356, member: 84"] (((((hugs)))))) I understand your embarrassed over yours and dhs behavior during the session.....but most likely it gave therapist some valuable insight into the dynamics of your relationship. Wow. I so get the "I FEED THE DOG" thing.:raspberry-tounge: That is so my husband. He washes two or three dishes while leaving the rest and the whole kitchen a wreck and brags on it like he spent hours cleaning the whole house. ugh I ask 3 simple things of my husband: Go to work everyday, pay the bills, and mow the grass. And he can't do any of those 3 with any consistancy at all. Everything else I could and did manage myself. But usually I'm telling him he's not sick and needs to go to work, reminding him that so and so bill is overdue, and clenching my teeth because the yard has been mowed maybe 3 times during the whole summer.:angry: Wow. Fourteen years with no intimacy.....that's not really a relationship at all. (I'm not talking sex) And it doesn't sound like husband has been much of a "partner", either, as a parent or as even a friend. Sounds like you've both been hanging in limbo for 14 years. It was painful for me when I came to relize that my husband had never loved me. Actually, it was like being hit over the head with a 2 ton brick. But once I got that thru my thick skull.......behavior and such made sense. (either love really is blind, or I'm awfully good at lying to myself) That was when I woke up and realized I could only "change" me. Nothing I can do or say will change husband. He has to want it and be willing to try. So I laid it on the line to him after much thought and consideration. What I have to have in order for this 25 yr marriage to continue. And he has until I'm finished with nursing school to decide what he wants and is willing to do. Experts say that you [B]will know[/B] when a relationship is over. Because when it is, there will be no doubt in your mind, there will be no emotion, not even anger. It will be just simply over. That's where I've been for 5 yrs. And I didn't believe it until I got there. Thru this process you need to find out what you want, what is good for you, what you need. You need to be willing to see your marriage for what it actually is, instead of what you want, hope, and pray it will be. And then you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life the way it is now if husband is unwilling to change. Sending many warm (((((hugs))))). It's a very painful process, I know. Vent all you need to. [/QUOTE]
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