Court on Friday and Dr. appointment

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by exhausted, Apr 5, 2012.

  1. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    So tomorrow is the court date for difficult child stealing her brothers car and wrecking. When easy child went to pick up his car (they empounded it for some reason), they wanted $500.00 dollars. He asked to see a hearing officer. I agreed he shouldn't have to pay for it being the victom. He had tried to talk to the police about charging difficult child with theft. He has not heard back from them. They said couldn't do theft but maybe joy-riding (which can be a 3rd degree felony).

    I'm anxious. Part of me wants her thrown to the wolf. Part of me justs wants her to get stuck with fines and restitution so she can keep working. I still don't understand why we are going to the justice court instead of JJS? They had her age. I am worried that they may send us back to that horrid judge at JJS. I'm being selfish, but I don't want to face him. He is a jerk. He has mood swings and cuts you off when you try to talk, and says cruel things like, " What do you want a magic bullet? She's crazy, nothings going to stop that." or he judges you-called my husband a biker (he's almost bald so he shaves his head and has a nice beard)even though he has never owned a bike and would never. He is not helpful at all and is known for erratic decisions and working outside of the law. Yet, she may need this to stop her. I just dread this man. We wil have to have our attorney back because you cant go in there without one to protect yourself from his erratic behavior. Even poor people get help when they deal with him.

    I don't know that jail will help anyway?? My husband thinks it will just make things worse and that making her pay is the best. I don't know. I know I am staying out the way. It is hard. What happens, happens. I want easy child to feel supported as well. This is a horrible situation for a mom and dad.

    Yesterday we spent almost 4 hours at the doctor and hospitol with a gyn-endocronologist. difficult child had to tell all and I could not stop my tears. The abuse stuff and all her sexual acting out is still heart wrenching. She was diagnosed with Polycyctic Ovarian Disease, even before the blood work. They are testing androgen levels which the Dr. is convinced will come back high. She thinks some of the sexual acting out an impulsivity may be part of this imbalance. Daughter will be taking metformin, a high dose BC pill and then a drug to block androgen. In addition she was almost ordered into Weight Watchers. She was told with her history and the family genetics she had to get her weight down. The metformin may help stop her voracious appitite. Of course if she used MJ-we are just plain out of luck there-she will eat until she pops after she has smoked. She says she is 2 weeks clean? Haven't seen the evidence of use but who knows. Nothing is ever smooth with this kid. There isn't any part of her that is ok. It must be hard to be her.
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Dear sweet board friend E-

    You must truly be exhausted. I can feel the tumult in your post. difficult child's health concerns, the reality of abuse & it's aftermath, wanting to acknowledge the role these issues have on her life yet knowing they can't be used as her scapegoat and that she must take charge of her behavior. And then poor easy child who doesn't deserve to be victimized by her. You must be worried that you are going to have to chose sides on top of everything else.

    I don't have any advice or answers. I keep thinking about golf strategy...Lol ... I played HS golf and when we were taught how to read a putt - my coach said-"if you see two breaks in the line of your putt, stop reading and just aim for the hole." AKA-too many things are coming into play; you can't predict how these breaks will influence the ball, so just go for the hole (goal)
    I think you need to turn this over to fate or god or your higher power or whatever. Just do your best Because there are way too many variables to manage. Let some of it go. Trust yourself and don't let it overtake you-Know what I mean???
    Many many {{{hugs}}}
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I surely don't have any wise advice for you. I am living my own nightmare and have no idea what to do.

    Just sending {{{hugs}}}.

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry. I have also been where you are when you have to know that one of your kids has done something that has hurt another of your children and you have to sort of think you are choosing sides. Its not fun. That judge sounds like a real prince. Hope you dont get him again.
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't know what to hope happens tomorrow either E, I just know that we are here for you whatever that is tomorrow.

  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and hoping for the best possible outcome.

  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Will be thinking of you tomorrow, hoping for a wise decision. Let us know.....
  8. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Exhausted: I'm glad that you have an attorney for the court appearance tomorrow. I feel totally lost whenever my difficult child has been in court, and it has really helped to hire an attorney that is working for the best interest of our difficult child. I hope that you can trust your attorney, and that you will get good advice from him.

    I will be thinking of you tomorrow, and sending you strength for your difficult day ahead. HUGS...
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Sending support and strength. Updat when you can. -RM
  10. Giulia

    Giulia New Member

    Exhausted, I tend to reason like your husband about paying or jail.
    If your difficult child has to pay her brother for what she did, and already knowing how much it cost, it will be quite a huge consequence.

    Also, if medical exams reveal that her impulsiveness was due to an hormonal impairment, it's not the same as if she did it purposefully.

    I hope the best for court, I hope everyone's best interests will be saved.
  11. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    We were there early this morning and did not find difficult child on the court docket. We waited for the clerk who told us that she was not in their system yet. She also said she wished the tickets didn't tell people they had to appear in 2 weeks-but should wait for a summons.

    Meanwhile our son was able to reduce the impoundment down to $46.00 from $500. It appears his car should not have been impounded in the first place. It was great because he saw the hearing officer right across from where we were waiting. He called his sister over and made her pay. She did without fuss. In addition, he made her pay for the tow as well. His friend ownes a towing company so he only paid for the gas, but the guy charged difficult child $50.00. He then gave the extra back to easy child. easy child said, "There, a taste of her own medicine and now I'm payed back for all the petty money she takes." Not nice I know and easy child did say he felt guilty, but oh well, she still got off cheap all around. She will have to pay for his vehicle still, but actually seems willing (may not last).

    The bad thing is we may have to wait until mid June for a court date. I hate to say it, but the longer it takes the prosecutor, the more likely it is to end up somewhere else, like JJS with the horrid judge. Have any of you requested a new judge before? How? It's so selfish, but he just makes my boots shake and I want to blurt out contemptuous things.

    Of course the moment we were home-she had to go hang out. Bet she gets high. She hasn't called us since 12:00-she will just do what she wants all weekend.
  12. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I almost forgot, as far as the hormones go Guilia, yes, I'm sure they are out of wack. If you would have seen how her face and figure have changed in the last 2 years, you can see it. However, can you imagine me going in there with the hormone defense? This judge insisted that her PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) tendencies had nothing to do with her behavior! Mental illness is seperate from behavior???? (In this state, it seems it is only the mental illnesses like schitzophrenia that get accounted for. A bunch of cops just recently shot an autistic boy (15) whose house they had been to many times. Yes he did provoke, but where was the crisis team?)

    I personally don't think the medications will change her much-maybe get her feeling better so she doesn't constantly feel yucky and perhaps lower the impulse some-but I bet she will still disobey rules and smoke MJ when she wants to. My hope factor is so low today....
  13. Giulia

    Giulia New Member

    Exhausted, I think that this court need a training in mental health.

    Did you ask her psychiatrist to be an expert witness ?
    It can push and convince the court that we cannot separate behavior and mental health issues.

    In the meantime, did you have the results of her hormonal exams ? If they explain her behavior, can you ask the endocrinologist to be an expert witness ?

    I think I've heard the story of autistic boy shot (and I read some comments elsewhere telling that he had what he deserves, some were even more harsh). Or I may mix up with another affair.
    Do you know what did his parent do ?
  14. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Should have results by Monday. Honestly, we have been through 3 years of RTCs, therapy, court etc. I had to decide to let things go and let God take care of it. An expert witness would cost thousands as well as a lawyer. Right now we are just going to the Justice Court which is petty stuff. If it gets sent to Juvvenile court, yes I will have to wratchet up our defenses because the judge is scary. He has a stayed order to put her in secure care until she is 21.(In no way do I believe this will be helpful to her). She has not committed the level of crimes that sentence commands (Not making excuses it is legally true). Everything she has done has been directed at us, her family, and petty, until my son's car. This is not as petty because it was a beloved vehicle he restored and it was my son who has been so good to her. I believe she needs to suffer the consequences(just not 3 years in the JJS prison)

    We did have a letter sent from psychiatrist and psychiatric the last court go round (which we initiated because we wanted her in residential care because she was sexually acting out like crazy and not going to school). I also had a NAMI advocate which the judge promptly insulted. The advocate told me we would get nowhere with this judge because of his beliefs about mental illness and he was always frustrted with proactive parents like us who ask for services for their kids- he doesn't feel like the courts should do this, but that is how it is in our state.. We were able to get her into a DBT residential fascility but the process was horrid, she suffered medical neglect, and almost completed suicide as they left pills out that she could get to. Together with JJS we filed a complaint to the state. The place was in serious trouble after the investigation and had to fix many things and was then on watch. I don't want my kid back in this sytem. Our state has been sewed over the neglect in our system and just completed a 7 year period in which they were closely monitored by the Feds. We chose not to sue because they had turned her over to us with no probation and refused further residential care (the jerk judges doing), and we thought that we would need our money for treatment. We have not placed her again because our psychiatrist advised against it and told us we may be better off riding the storm until she is 18. She felt difficult child had been gone from home too long and that we were past the point where it would any difference to her.

    As for the autistic boy-I have not heard what his mother will do. My issue is that we do an aweful job supporting mental illness in this country. We do a horrid job helping parents who must deal with the stress day in and day out. Now my difficult child is not homicidal or autistic, but she is tough and services have cost us over fifty grand. We have no more money. What about this poor mom who had no money and her only defence was phoning the police over and over? There has to be a better way.
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    G- If you read my post on What do you think....registry, I think that I have this specific case linked there (sorry if I am wrong exhausted)....

    If so, it is a 15 yr old boy with autism, police had been called there many times (so they are trying to paint it that way of course) but in the past they have used a taser or just talked him down etc..... This family was told to call the NON emergency number as part of their safety plan with the county from what I read. That is why they felt free to call so many times.
    The boy didn't want to go to school. Dad took his computer and locked it up. He took a BUTTER knife and was trying to open the lock in the basement. Sounds like he panicked and lunged at a cop, and the cop got a "slice" (probably a scratch) and so two of them shot him. ONE HAD A TASER, they well knew it was a mental health/autism isssue.

    Very sad.
  16. Giulia

    Giulia New Member

    Now that you summarize me the issue, it makes me remember to have read comments that "the boy deserved such a treatment" or such. Comments from folks.
    This is even sader. Like if the boy didn't deserve to be alive.
    I sometimes wish folks who judge people like that live the same situation : living this situation and make them open their eyes, make them think about the nonsense of their judgment "not deserve to live".