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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 73045" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Dear Janet,</p><p></p><p>Part of me wants to tell you I'm sorry for Ant. The other part of me sits here with tears in my eyes, because I'm really sorry for you - Ant's Mom. </p><p></p><p>I think over the years I've found myself able to receede into a new state of mind or hardness of heart with my son. Everytime he does something else I'm left with this feeling of "Well do you feel sorry for him and face the wrath of others around you who keep the name calling going OR do you put on a mask of concrete and stand around saying all the usual defensive words (he'll never learn, he did this to himself, these are HIS choices) so that others will just leave you alone to cry when you get a minute."</p><p></p><p>Then there is the other part of me that over the years with counseling has evolved into me actually believing MYSELF when I have put on the concrete mask. I found that if I started to cry or feel the least bit sorry for my son and his situations I would get pummeled by others who really had - had enough of it all. Saying mostly they were tired of the way my sons actions and behavior affected me. In other words they washed their hands of him and encouraged me to do the same. </p><p></p><p>I hear the pain in your voice. It's all too familiar to me not to recognize. I am sorry for the situation Ant's alcolholism has placed him in. I would not want to be an alcolholic. After living with one I prayed my son wouldn't be one. Or a drug addict, or an abusive man. And he isn't. He just keeps doing stupid things and eventually the concrete mask wont be a put on. It will be for real for self preservation I fear. </p><p></p><p>I'm truly and deeply sorry Janet from the bottom of my understanding heart for you AND for Ant. </p><p>Hugs & Love</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 73045, member: 4964"] Dear Janet, Part of me wants to tell you I'm sorry for Ant. The other part of me sits here with tears in my eyes, because I'm really sorry for you - Ant's Mom. I think over the years I've found myself able to receede into a new state of mind or hardness of heart with my son. Everytime he does something else I'm left with this feeling of "Well do you feel sorry for him and face the wrath of others around you who keep the name calling going OR do you put on a mask of concrete and stand around saying all the usual defensive words (he'll never learn, he did this to himself, these are HIS choices) so that others will just leave you alone to cry when you get a minute." Then there is the other part of me that over the years with counseling has evolved into me actually believing MYSELF when I have put on the concrete mask. I found that if I started to cry or feel the least bit sorry for my son and his situations I would get pummeled by others who really had - had enough of it all. Saying mostly they were tired of the way my sons actions and behavior affected me. In other words they washed their hands of him and encouraged me to do the same. I hear the pain in your voice. It's all too familiar to me not to recognize. I am sorry for the situation Ant's alcolholism has placed him in. I would not want to be an alcolholic. After living with one I prayed my son wouldn't be one. Or a drug addict, or an abusive man. And he isn't. He just keeps doing stupid things and eventually the concrete mask wont be a put on. It will be for real for self preservation I fear. I'm truly and deeply sorry Janet from the bottom of my understanding heart for you AND for Ant. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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