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Crazy update to wedding/friend thread
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 631755" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I agree with those of us who have already posted, Nomad.</p><p></p><p>But I would also say that there are going to be times, and this is one of them, when we are faced with one of the costs of having a difficult child child.</p><p></p><p>Is it possible for you to remember Nomad, how long it took for you to accept the concept of detachment? Do you remember how bitterly you fought it before finally getting it that nothing, nothing you did was going to work, and the time it took after that to see that anything you did to help your child only made everything worse?</p><p></p><p>That's where your friend's husband is now, Nomad.</p><p></p><p>He is never going to understand...and he doesn't have to. In fact there is no way he could ever understand, because he does not have a difficult child child.</p><p></p><p>I think I would approach this by bringing the subject of your difficult child up the next time you are all together. I would talk about how scary it was to implement this new detachment theory of parenting, and about how well it is working</p><p></p><p>I would say something about how important it is for difficult child to learn to care for herself in the world before both you and husband are gone, and about how hard this has all been.</p><p></p><p>Though I would feel uncomfortable Nomad, I would welcome the opportunity to clarify my thoughts and actions regarding the way I have chosen to parent this troubled child.</p><p></p><p>In fact, your friend has been honest with you.</p><p></p><p>That is a rare and special thing.</p><p></p><p>If you discuss with her the reasoning behind your choice to parent using detachment theory, I think it will bring all of you closer.</p><p></p><p>You have nothing to be ashamed of or secretive about, Nomad.</p><p></p><p>Neither do I...though so often, I am.</p><p></p><p>It takes courage to share the truly horrific details of the lives our children live, and of what those choices have cost us. Not just financially, but in self concept, in self confidence, and in faith.</p><p></p><p>Only you can decide whether you value this friendship enough to share at that level, Nomad.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry this is happening.</p><p></p><p>It is an opportunity for openness and growth...but that is a vulnerable place to be.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 631755, member: 17461"] I agree with those of us who have already posted, Nomad. But I would also say that there are going to be times, and this is one of them, when we are faced with one of the costs of having a difficult child child. Is it possible for you to remember Nomad, how long it took for you to accept the concept of detachment? Do you remember how bitterly you fought it before finally getting it that nothing, nothing you did was going to work, and the time it took after that to see that anything you did to help your child only made everything worse? That's where your friend's husband is now, Nomad. He is never going to understand...and he doesn't have to. In fact there is no way he could ever understand, because he does not have a difficult child child. I think I would approach this by bringing the subject of your difficult child up the next time you are all together. I would talk about how scary it was to implement this new detachment theory of parenting, and about how well it is working I would say something about how important it is for difficult child to learn to care for herself in the world before both you and husband are gone, and about how hard this has all been. Though I would feel uncomfortable Nomad, I would welcome the opportunity to clarify my thoughts and actions regarding the way I have chosen to parent this troubled child. In fact, your friend has been honest with you. That is a rare and special thing. If you discuss with her the reasoning behind your choice to parent using detachment theory, I think it will bring all of you closer. You have nothing to be ashamed of or secretive about, Nomad. Neither do I...though so often, I am. It takes courage to share the truly horrific details of the lives our children live, and of what those choices have cost us. Not just financially, but in self concept, in self confidence, and in faith. Only you can decide whether you value this friendship enough to share at that level, Nomad. I'm sorry this is happening. It is an opportunity for openness and growth...but that is a vulnerable place to be. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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