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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 541095" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>This has been such an interesting discussion. So many different perspectives on ambition and success, and I can see everyone's point to a certain degree. </p><p></p><p>I think the key with getting our children motivated is, unless it matters to them, then it doesn't matter. I was such an indifferent student, a complete dilettante. I scored at the top of (or off) the charts on all the aptitude tests (IQ, SAT, Canadian Basic Skills, what-have-you), but didn't "apply myself" and therefore didn't get the marks in school that people expected of me. I got A+'s in phys ed, music and calculus because I found them interesting. For everything else, I just didn't give a toss. I worked just hard enough in high school to get the minimum mark I needed to get into the university I wanted to attend. And in university, I worked just (barely) hard enough to maintain a place in my program. Because none of it mattered to me.</p><p></p><p>The reason? I just didn't care. None of it mattered to me, and no matter how many people (parents, teachers, guidance counsellors, blah blah blah) told me that I had to do well now so as not to doom my future, it just didn't matter. I put in only as much effort as I needed to tread water, because changing schools would have been more work than staying put. I didn't have a career ambition to strive for. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had lots of pat answers such as "I want to get a PhD in English Literature" or "I want to be a doctor, or perhaps a lawyer", but it was all a variant of "I dunno". </p><p></p><p>When I got out into the world and started to work, I found a line of work that really interested me and that I was good at. All of a sudden it DID matter to me. I busted my behind working hard, taking training courses, finding mentors, soaking up all the knowledge I could. I became very good at that job, and then the next one I was promoted into, and the next one after that, and so on. I discovered that I wasn't lazy or unambitious at all (as I'd been led to believe by all that talk of "being so smart but not applying yourself"). I just didn't have a reason to care until then. And boy did I care, and boy did it show. </p><p></p><p>People who know me now but didn't know me in school assume that I was always a diligent straight-A student. If they only knew!</p><p></p><p>I guess in my rambling way, I'm trying to say that until we find something that makes it matter to our difficult children it's really hard to motivate them to put in the effort. Much more so than with PCs. I'm still trying to figure out what they key is with my difficult child. He's scary-smart, but none of his talents are marketable, and he doesn't have a burning desire to do anything other than sit home and be taken care of, which won't make a good living for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 541095, member: 3907"] This has been such an interesting discussion. So many different perspectives on ambition and success, and I can see everyone's point to a certain degree. I think the key with getting our children motivated is, unless it matters to them, then it doesn't matter. I was such an indifferent student, a complete dilettante. I scored at the top of (or off) the charts on all the aptitude tests (IQ, SAT, Canadian Basic Skills, what-have-you), but didn't "apply myself" and therefore didn't get the marks in school that people expected of me. I got A+'s in phys ed, music and calculus because I found them interesting. For everything else, I just didn't give a toss. I worked just hard enough in high school to get the minimum mark I needed to get into the university I wanted to attend. And in university, I worked just (barely) hard enough to maintain a place in my program. Because none of it mattered to me. The reason? I just didn't care. None of it mattered to me, and no matter how many people (parents, teachers, guidance counsellors, blah blah blah) told me that I had to do well now so as not to doom my future, it just didn't matter. I put in only as much effort as I needed to tread water, because changing schools would have been more work than staying put. I didn't have a career ambition to strive for. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had lots of pat answers such as "I want to get a PhD in English Literature" or "I want to be a doctor, or perhaps a lawyer", but it was all a variant of "I dunno". When I got out into the world and started to work, I found a line of work that really interested me and that I was good at. All of a sudden it DID matter to me. I busted my behind working hard, taking training courses, finding mentors, soaking up all the knowledge I could. I became very good at that job, and then the next one I was promoted into, and the next one after that, and so on. I discovered that I wasn't lazy or unambitious at all (as I'd been led to believe by all that talk of "being so smart but not applying yourself"). I just didn't have a reason to care until then. And boy did I care, and boy did it show. People who know me now but didn't know me in school assume that I was always a diligent straight-A student. If they only knew! I guess in my rambling way, I'm trying to say that until we find something that makes it matter to our difficult children it's really hard to motivate them to put in the effort. Much more so than with PCs. I'm still trying to figure out what they key is with my difficult child. He's scary-smart, but none of his talents are marketable, and he doesn't have a burning desire to do anything other than sit home and be taken care of, which won't make a good living for him. [/QUOTE]
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