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Dad has brain tumor - I'm supposed to care
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 290973" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Dara, I had a similar experience with my mother. She found out she had a brain tumor, and told everyone in our small family (it's about like yours) NOT TO TELL ME. I'm not sure why. She hadn't spoken to me for ten years or even written birthday cards to my kids or met my youngest two kids or come to my second wedding. Then we started to speak, but it was because I wanted to right things with her while we are both on earth. I have the very strong belief that we go on after this life and if we don't work things out on earth, then it's still unsettled afterward. I took all the blame for our problems. She would talk to me when I called her, but she never once called ME and she didn't want me to visit her. When she was diagnosed eight years later with brain cancer (they couldn't get all the tumor so it turned cancerous), I was secretly and guiltily happy that I live in another state. My sister, who had a warm, close relationship with her did all the caretaking. I really felt that it was justified. She hadn't wanted me in her life. Why should I care for her when she wouldn't even recognize me? She didn't want me there for the tumor so why would she want me there now? She never did ask for me. When she passed on, it really wasn't an unhappy day for me--it was like a stranger had passed. For five years I'd spoken with her a few times a year and she clearly didn't care about me from the conversations. She was very distant. When the will was read, she had disinherited me. Guess I made the right decision. I wasn't her daughter in her mind. So don't feel guilty. I am learning that family isn't the womb you grew in or who grew in the same womb, but who cares about you and loves you. I have a close family, but, except for my one biological son, none are biologically related to me. When my best friend died of cancer at 50, I was devestated. SHE was my sister. (((Hugs))) I hear you loud and clear.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 290973, member: 1550"] Dara, I had a similar experience with my mother. She found out she had a brain tumor, and told everyone in our small family (it's about like yours) NOT TO TELL ME. I'm not sure why. She hadn't spoken to me for ten years or even written birthday cards to my kids or met my youngest two kids or come to my second wedding. Then we started to speak, but it was because I wanted to right things with her while we are both on earth. I have the very strong belief that we go on after this life and if we don't work things out on earth, then it's still unsettled afterward. I took all the blame for our problems. She would talk to me when I called her, but she never once called ME and she didn't want me to visit her. When she was diagnosed eight years later with brain cancer (they couldn't get all the tumor so it turned cancerous), I was secretly and guiltily happy that I live in another state. My sister, who had a warm, close relationship with her did all the caretaking. I really felt that it was justified. She hadn't wanted me in her life. Why should I care for her when she wouldn't even recognize me? She didn't want me there for the tumor so why would she want me there now? She never did ask for me. When she passed on, it really wasn't an unhappy day for me--it was like a stranger had passed. For five years I'd spoken with her a few times a year and she clearly didn't care about me from the conversations. She was very distant. When the will was read, she had disinherited me. Guess I made the right decision. I wasn't her daughter in her mind. So don't feel guilty. I am learning that family isn't the womb you grew in or who grew in the same womb, but who cares about you and loves you. I have a close family, but, except for my one biological son, none are biologically related to me. When my best friend died of cancer at 50, I was devestated. SHE was my sister. (((Hugs))) I hear you loud and clear. [/QUOTE]
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Dad has brain tumor - I'm supposed to care
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