Janet, I didn't want to hi jack Steely's thread but your response really touched me. The use of the afghan as something you needed to do for yourself was so touching and dear that I had tears in my eyes. What a wonderful tool and life line. We all need a "woobie" to keep the ugliness of our thoughts away. Yours is so symbolic that it was really a wonderful use of coping on your part. For me, I hope you never finish that afghan and it gets a big as a meadow. Besides, we still have not met for coffee. If you hurt yourself I will come down there and shake you until your teeth rattle. There are so many people who love you and need you as well as how much you have grown since your early days here on the site. You aren't done cooking yet. Delayed doesn't mean it won't happen. I want to see you when you are all grown up. Many hugs. I will carry the image of you crocheting that afghan as a touchstone for myself when things seem bleak. I too, want to keep moving forward to do the things I want to do for myself. "I havent gone through what you have so I cant pretend to understand your pain but I have been severely depressed. There was a time not long ago that I had decided that I was going to kill myself but there were a few things that I wanted to do before I left this world. None of them really had much to do with my family but they were more about things that I hadnt done that I wanted to do. One of them was that I wanted to crochet an afghan of all things. Yes I know how odd that sounds....lol. Well I got yarn and I started working on my "suicide afghan". I am not a good crocheter and the only stitch I am very good at is the granny square so I made a huge multi-color square and kept making it bigger and bigger until it was the size of my King sized bed! When I thought it was big enough I never really tied it off and finished it. I just put it up in the closet. I figured that I still am not ready to finish that afghan and end it all quite yet. That afghan got me through the bad times and gave me something to focus on. I guess if I ever take it down and finish it I will know its my time to go. Thats actually a key phase with my therapist....that I am going to finish my afghan. Find something mindless that you have always wanted to do but have never done...even if its small and stupid...and do it. Just fake it until you make it."