Dating with a difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by luvmickey0206, May 3, 2010.

  1. So...not sure if anyone has had this question before. I have a 14 1/2 yr old son with mood disorder, ADHD, anxiety, angry outbursts, defiance. I'm a single mom and don't know when to drop this bomb on someone. I feel like they should know what they are getting into...and even wonder sometimes if I should drag anyone into this mess.

    Any input?
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is very difficult to bring someone else into the chaos of life with a difficult child. I am pulled in both ways sometimes. Especially at the age your difficult child is at. I would do some fun dating that does not involve even introducing them to your son for a while.
  3. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I have dated the same man for almost 9 years. When I met him, I told him that my daughter then almost three had issues (not diagnosed at the time). He was real excited after some time to try and be a family. I felt like I knew him well enough after a couple of years to put it together and try to be a family. He's a good solid, nice man. He has a son with adhd that he parents full-time. We tried, it failed. We tried again, it failed again. We get along very well, but he hates the disrespect that she displays. We are very close and yet he finds it hard to come around after she has hit me, or hurt me in some type of way. He always tries to be there for me, but we know we will not be able to be together till she is out of the home. Maybe with a son it might be different. I would definately tell them after a few dates. I wouldn't tell it all or you'll never have to worry about a second date.LOL :D
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I didn't have much luck with dating with difficult children. I agree that keeping it "light" is best for now. I know it's difficult, because we all get lonely, but I simply found it impossible to maintain a serious relationship while my difficult children were so unstable. I didn't have the time or emotional energy to commit to someone else, and the stress of worrying about their reaction to my difficult child's antics was just not worth it. I dated, but avoided getting serious. The few times I attempted that, it was a disaster.

    As for when to disclose anything, I would definitely wait until you've known someone awhile. Perhaps give them bits and pieces of information, slowly. They don't need to know everything up front .. let them get to know YOU first, as an individual, and not just as difficult child's mom. This also protects your difficult child from getting to know someone and then having them disappear.

    Dating can be quite the juggling act ... hang in there .
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I kept my dating life completely apart from my home life, until Hubby and I reconnected (we'd known each other in high school). It was easier on me! Trying to explain Miss KT's antics was difficult enough without having it interfere with the adult aspect of my life. As a single parent, there were times I just needed to talk to a grown-up...and go out for dinner that was served on a plate...and to share the meal with someone who had table manners...