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Daughter threw uncharactoristic fit when she heard we're moving to trailer park
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 255089" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Involve her in the family decisions. Ask her to help find a solution. Give her the information. If she thinks she is old enough to tell you where you can move to and where you can't, then she is old enough to have some ownership into the decision so she can understand why, and feel she's also had a chance to try to find an alternative.</p><p></p><p>You'll probably still end up in the trailerpark, but she will have had some responsibility in the deicion too.</p><p></p><p>I can understand her getting upset - she's already the 'different' kid, she is terrified of being labelled trailer trash as well. Life just isn't fair sometimes.</p><p></p><p>However - this IS NOT about her, it's about the family, and what the family has to do in order to survive as a unit. Of course you don't want to put the dogs down. Is her social standing so important, that she would even consider putting that ahead of the dogs' lives? Of course not. But she does need to know that you are looking at all options. She needs to know what the options are and how reasonable (or not) they may be. Let her know how much a house will cost (including how much per month to pay off) compared to how much in the trailer park. Ask her for ideas, let her put tem on the table and discuss them politely and calmly with her. Use this as a teaching tool - life has handed you an opportunity for her to learn how to manage her housing/financial affairs, via you. And she has already put on the tabel, the option of living with someone else, so explore that option too. You would have to pay board for her, probably have to pay maintenance for her as well, which could end up costing you more than you could afford on top of trailer rent. And why pay extra (as in the maintenance etc) if you have room for her in the trailer? If she really wants you to do this, ask her how she would be willing to contribute, to make up the difference between your option and hers. Then discuss the things she would miss - the dogs, you, a lot of her stuff. Then discuss - who could she move in with? WHo does she know well enough, who likes her well enough, who has the room, to be prepared to take her on board? And would this reduce any perceived stigma, if she chose to live with someone else rather than with her family who just happen to have moved to a trailer park?</p><p></p><p>By letting her feel entitled to throw a tantrum, you risk making a rod for your own back later on as she gets older and still has this sense of entitlement. She needs to learn, fast, that in this world bad things happen to good people and NOBODY has a RIGHT to housing, food, water. It is something you have to pay for in some way at some level. Our governments want to keep us healthy and alive, they will try to help as much as they can, but it all comes at a cost. We may think we are secure, that at some level there will always be someone to take care of us, but the world doesn't always work this way. </p><p></p><p>We can deal with this by getting angry, stamping our feet and saying, "I'm supposed to have this! Give it to me! Don't be mean, don't take it away!" Or we can get practical and say, "What do we have left? What can we do, to put it to best use?"</p><p></p><p>She's a child, so she's reacting as achild. Now is a good opportunity for her to learn a bit more about the decisions adults sometimes have to take.</p><p></p><p>And often, by being part of the decision even in a minor way, it can reduce her stress levels and feelings of helplessness over what is being imposed on her.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 255089, member: 1991"] Involve her in the family decisions. Ask her to help find a solution. Give her the information. If she thinks she is old enough to tell you where you can move to and where you can't, then she is old enough to have some ownership into the decision so she can understand why, and feel she's also had a chance to try to find an alternative. You'll probably still end up in the trailerpark, but she will have had some responsibility in the deicion too. I can understand her getting upset - she's already the 'different' kid, she is terrified of being labelled trailer trash as well. Life just isn't fair sometimes. However - this IS NOT about her, it's about the family, and what the family has to do in order to survive as a unit. Of course you don't want to put the dogs down. Is her social standing so important, that she would even consider putting that ahead of the dogs' lives? Of course not. But she does need to know that you are looking at all options. She needs to know what the options are and how reasonable (or not) they may be. Let her know how much a house will cost (including how much per month to pay off) compared to how much in the trailer park. Ask her for ideas, let her put tem on the table and discuss them politely and calmly with her. Use this as a teaching tool - life has handed you an opportunity for her to learn how to manage her housing/financial affairs, via you. And she has already put on the tabel, the option of living with someone else, so explore that option too. You would have to pay board for her, probably have to pay maintenance for her as well, which could end up costing you more than you could afford on top of trailer rent. And why pay extra (as in the maintenance etc) if you have room for her in the trailer? If she really wants you to do this, ask her how she would be willing to contribute, to make up the difference between your option and hers. Then discuss the things she would miss - the dogs, you, a lot of her stuff. Then discuss - who could she move in with? WHo does she know well enough, who likes her well enough, who has the room, to be prepared to take her on board? And would this reduce any perceived stigma, if she chose to live with someone else rather than with her family who just happen to have moved to a trailer park? By letting her feel entitled to throw a tantrum, you risk making a rod for your own back later on as she gets older and still has this sense of entitlement. She needs to learn, fast, that in this world bad things happen to good people and NOBODY has a RIGHT to housing, food, water. It is something you have to pay for in some way at some level. Our governments want to keep us healthy and alive, they will try to help as much as they can, but it all comes at a cost. We may think we are secure, that at some level there will always be someone to take care of us, but the world doesn't always work this way. We can deal with this by getting angry, stamping our feet and saying, "I'm supposed to have this! Give it to me! Don't be mean, don't take it away!" Or we can get practical and say, "What do we have left? What can we do, to put it to best use?" She's a child, so she's reacting as achild. Now is a good opportunity for her to learn a bit more about the decisions adults sometimes have to take. And often, by being part of the decision even in a minor way, it can reduce her stress levels and feelings of helplessness over what is being imposed on her. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Daughter threw uncharactoristic fit when she heard we're moving to trailer park
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