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Daughter woke up in hotel room... no clue how she got there.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 407412" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so sorry that you have to know about this and worry about her. Blackouts are super common among those who use drugs and alcohol. It is also a very handy excuse for addicts who don't want to deal with repercussions of their actions. One of the biggest problems between my gfgbro and I is that I flat out refuse to tell him all of the things he has done to me while supposedly in a blackout. I don't believe that he lost all memories of the horrible things he did to me. I am sure he blacked out some of the things, but he wasn't always drunk or high when he abused me. At this point I have worked through a fair amount with therapy and I know that it isn't good FOR ME to keep dredging it up. If I did tell him and he believed me, he would likely kill himself. he just is not and never will be strong enough to handle his actions. Then I would have guilt and a huge load of blame from my mother over him hurting himself. Just. Not. Worth. It.</p><p> </p><p>Your parents are making HUGE HUGE HUGE strides!!! I hope you can share how proud you are with them at how they are changing to suit the reality of your difficult child. Do you think either of them would go to alanon or narcanon with you? It would give them some real support other than you, as well as letting you know more of what each other thinks. Just be srue that you go to some meetings with-o them to work on issues between them and you also.</p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry that she won't learn from this and is doing this to herself. At some level she hates herself for this, but she will continue to hide behind substances and intoxication rather than dealing with her problems.</p><p> </p><p>given hte amt of sex she is having, with or with-o her consent, pregnancy is a very scary reality. People who are intoxicated RARELY use condoms. If it occurs to them AND they are close at hand, they MAY be used. If they don't have one, often they go ahead and don't even stop to think that a baby or disease might be the result. You may want to discuss this with your husband and parents to see if you would be willing, together or separately, to pay for birth control implants or an IUD to prevent pregnancy - esp as you can be quite sure she is not likely to stop using if she gets pregnant (regardless of what she tells you). </p><p> </p><p>You might have to go so far as to pay her to do it, but it might be a wise investment as she is not likely to raise the child in a safe and healthy way and then the child would need you or your parents to step in or else you would have a grandchild in foster care or somewhere equally not what you want for a grandchild to face. Esp as many people/studies say that up to 90% of kids in foster care are sexually abused in some way. I don't even know if this is something that you could get her to accept, or that you want to be involved with, but I thought I would suggest it. Given the blackouts she is having, a daily pill would be far less than effective, esp as the low dose pills used today need to be taken at the same time every day - something that requires sticking to a schedule.</p><p> </p><p>Keep praising your parents for opening their eyes, get to alanon/narcanon regularly - with or without grands, and take care of YOU. Pick some activity to help distract you from stewing over difficult child. Vent here all you want/need.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 407412, member: 1233"] I am so sorry that you have to know about this and worry about her. Blackouts are super common among those who use drugs and alcohol. It is also a very handy excuse for addicts who don't want to deal with repercussions of their actions. One of the biggest problems between my gfgbro and I is that I flat out refuse to tell him all of the things he has done to me while supposedly in a blackout. I don't believe that he lost all memories of the horrible things he did to me. I am sure he blacked out some of the things, but he wasn't always drunk or high when he abused me. At this point I have worked through a fair amount with therapy and I know that it isn't good FOR ME to keep dredging it up. If I did tell him and he believed me, he would likely kill himself. he just is not and never will be strong enough to handle his actions. Then I would have guilt and a huge load of blame from my mother over him hurting himself. Just. Not. Worth. It. Your parents are making HUGE HUGE HUGE strides!!! I hope you can share how proud you are with them at how they are changing to suit the reality of your difficult child. Do you think either of them would go to alanon or narcanon with you? It would give them some real support other than you, as well as letting you know more of what each other thinks. Just be srue that you go to some meetings with-o them to work on issues between them and you also. I am so sorry that she won't learn from this and is doing this to herself. At some level she hates herself for this, but she will continue to hide behind substances and intoxication rather than dealing with her problems. given hte amt of sex she is having, with or with-o her consent, pregnancy is a very scary reality. People who are intoxicated RARELY use condoms. If it occurs to them AND they are close at hand, they MAY be used. If they don't have one, often they go ahead and don't even stop to think that a baby or disease might be the result. You may want to discuss this with your husband and parents to see if you would be willing, together or separately, to pay for birth control implants or an IUD to prevent pregnancy - esp as you can be quite sure she is not likely to stop using if she gets pregnant (regardless of what she tells you). You might have to go so far as to pay her to do it, but it might be a wise investment as she is not likely to raise the child in a safe and healthy way and then the child would need you or your parents to step in or else you would have a grandchild in foster care or somewhere equally not what you want for a grandchild to face. Esp as many people/studies say that up to 90% of kids in foster care are sexually abused in some way. I don't even know if this is something that you could get her to accept, or that you want to be involved with, but I thought I would suggest it. Given the blackouts she is having, a daily pill would be far less than effective, esp as the low dose pills used today need to be taken at the same time every day - something that requires sticking to a schedule. Keep praising your parents for opening their eyes, get to alanon/narcanon regularly - with or without grands, and take care of YOU. Pick some activity to help distract you from stewing over difficult child. Vent here all you want/need. [/QUOTE]
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Daughter woke up in hotel room... no clue how she got there.
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