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daughter worse than ever....update
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 208988" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Self Preservation, Bran. You need to change the focus within your home back onto the part of the family that is interested...meaning your H, your son and you. What is the ultimate goal? To be a home at peace, a family surrounded in love and engaging with one another in a respectful manner. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">That means you remove the disruptive one. And since you can't legally kick daughter out of your home - you cut her off. She's old enough to work, she knows the difference between right and wrong, she can figure out how to cook for herself, do her own laundry, clean her own room, etc. You provide no money, no clothing, no cell, etc. She can get herself a job and pay for those things herself. When she flips out, H, you and ds get up and go for a drive or go for a walk or go in another room and lock the door (take the house phone with you). Show her that you will no longer be baited by her tantrums and you will no longer allow her to disrupt your family.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">In the meantime, you can simplify some things around your home/schedule. If you can, switch to paper products for easier clean up after meals. Sit down with H and create a weekly schedule of "A" chores - meaning the daily/necessary chores, and the "B" chores, meaning the weekly/less necessary ones. Perhaps you could create a menu and all three of you can spend a Sat/Sun afternoon cooking for the week to freeze. This will help lessen the weekday dinner rush. Create a quiet hour before or after dinner each evening when you either play a game together and laugh or read quietly to wind down before bedtime. Create peaceful family times, down times, fun times, happy memories.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Also, like everyone else said, get yourself and H and son to a therapist. You all need support. You not only need to help yourself, but you all need to learn how to support one another in a healthy manner. A good family therapist will help you with this. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Perhaps this person can also help you set up some fair home rules to present daughter with at a later date. If she fails to follow those rules, then she can leave. You can have the locks changed and not give her a key. That's what her curfew is for..the doors are open until_____.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">As for school. I found with my daughter that forcing was useless. Fortunately, we found a school she liked (finally). But she still didn't try academically. She passed and (thankfully) graduated, but it was a struggle - I think the teachers and I struggled more inwardly than she did at all! My point is, do not expect Boces to be the be all end all of her problems with school. She still may rebel against it. She may not graduate, she may not go at all. I'd say, give it this last shot - best of luck - and hopefully she will do it. But if she doesn't, her only other alternative to living at home is to go to work - FULLTIME - if she is not in school. No compromises!</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Everyone keeps asking - when does she turn 18?? After my daughter turned 18 and we had finally had enough and threw her out...she started to turn around. Like I said, two steps forward one step back. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect her to pull her weight and be respectful. You deserve the same - it is your home and your family, your life. Why should you continue to be held hostage by this 17 year old tyrant?? Hugs. I hope you're able to get the support you need and maintain your strength.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 208988, member: 2211"] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Self Preservation, Bran. You need to change the focus within your home back onto the part of the family that is interested...meaning your H, your son and you. What is the ultimate goal? To be a home at peace, a family surrounded in love and engaging with one another in a respectful manner. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]That means you remove the disruptive one. And since you can't legally kick daughter out of your home - you cut her off. She's old enough to work, she knows the difference between right and wrong, she can figure out how to cook for herself, do her own laundry, clean her own room, etc. You provide no money, no clothing, no cell, etc. She can get herself a job and pay for those things herself. When she flips out, H, you and ds get up and go for a drive or go for a walk or go in another room and lock the door (take the house phone with you). Show her that you will no longer be baited by her tantrums and you will no longer allow her to disrupt your family.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]In the meantime, you can simplify some things around your home/schedule. If you can, switch to paper products for easier clean up after meals. Sit down with H and create a weekly schedule of "A" chores - meaning the daily/necessary chores, and the "B" chores, meaning the weekly/less necessary ones. Perhaps you could create a menu and all three of you can spend a Sat/Sun afternoon cooking for the week to freeze. This will help lessen the weekday dinner rush. Create a quiet hour before or after dinner each evening when you either play a game together and laugh or read quietly to wind down before bedtime. Create peaceful family times, down times, fun times, happy memories.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Also, like everyone else said, get yourself and H and son to a therapist. You all need support. You not only need to help yourself, but you all need to learn how to support one another in a healthy manner. A good family therapist will help you with this. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Perhaps this person can also help you set up some fair home rules to present daughter with at a later date. If she fails to follow those rules, then she can leave. You can have the locks changed and not give her a key. That's what her curfew is for..the doors are open until_____.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]As for school. I found with my daughter that forcing was useless. Fortunately, we found a school she liked (finally). But she still didn't try academically. She passed and (thankfully) graduated, but it was a struggle - I think the teachers and I struggled more inwardly than she did at all! My point is, do not expect Boces to be the be all end all of her problems with school. She still may rebel against it. She may not graduate, she may not go at all. I'd say, give it this last shot - best of luck - and hopefully she will do it. But if she doesn't, her only other alternative to living at home is to go to work - FULLTIME - if she is not in school. No compromises![/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Everyone keeps asking - when does she turn 18?? After my daughter turned 18 and we had finally had enough and threw her out...she started to turn around. Like I said, two steps forward one step back. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect her to pull her weight and be respectful. You deserve the same - it is your home and your family, your life. Why should you continue to be held hostage by this 17 year old tyrant?? Hugs. I hope you're able to get the support you need and maintain your strength.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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