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Day 10 since I kicked out my 18 yr old
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 61913" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>It's a tough one. I know that when my daughter was gone, I was told to not call her, not try to find her, to detach and let go. This was the wrong answer for me. I did go to the carnival where I last knew she was. She'd quit that job before I got there and they had no idea where she was. I then called her cell phone and left a message. She called me back and asked to come home. I said with some serious provisos and rules that she would have to follow. She's done a good job in following the rules since she got home, not perfect but good. </p><p></p><p>However, it doesn't sound like you're in quite the same spot I was. You know she has a roof over her head. Mine didn't. She has flat out told you to not call the one number you know she is at. If your daughter is like mine, she's not going to call you. Instead, she's going to punish you for her behavior and choices that lead to your having to kick her out. If she has access to MySpace you know she's safe for now. She's still in your town and it sounds like she still has a job if she needs her uniform. If necessary, open up your own MySpace account and check hers to see what is happening in her life. If she'll accept you as a friend, you can leave her messages there.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, I'm not convinced that it is time for your daughter to come home. I know the pain you are going through, believe me I know. I think girls like ours need to hit rock bottom. My daughter has left her home three times since she was 18. Every time I let her come back. The first two times I bailed her out in monies she owed friends and creditors and replacing what was lost. Not this time. She's finding ways to pay back those she owes. She also knows that if she doesn't follow the house rules this time she will not be coming back here if she's kicked out or moves out in a snit. </p><p></p><p>So, the big question is do you honestly think things will be different after the first week or two if your daughter comes home now? If the answer is no, then it is not time. If the answer is yes, then find her and let her come home, but let her know the house rules before she walks in the door and let her know that if they are broken she's right back out the door. Be firm, be reasonable, be strong.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs. This is not easy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 61913, member: 3626"] It's a tough one. I know that when my daughter was gone, I was told to not call her, not try to find her, to detach and let go. This was the wrong answer for me. I did go to the carnival where I last knew she was. She'd quit that job before I got there and they had no idea where she was. I then called her cell phone and left a message. She called me back and asked to come home. I said with some serious provisos and rules that she would have to follow. She's done a good job in following the rules since she got home, not perfect but good. However, it doesn't sound like you're in quite the same spot I was. You know she has a roof over her head. Mine didn't. She has flat out told you to not call the one number you know she is at. If your daughter is like mine, she's not going to call you. Instead, she's going to punish you for her behavior and choices that lead to your having to kick her out. If she has access to MySpace you know she's safe for now. She's still in your town and it sounds like she still has a job if she needs her uniform. If necessary, open up your own MySpace account and check hers to see what is happening in her life. If she'll accept you as a friend, you can leave her messages there. Honestly, I'm not convinced that it is time for your daughter to come home. I know the pain you are going through, believe me I know. I think girls like ours need to hit rock bottom. My daughter has left her home three times since she was 18. Every time I let her come back. The first two times I bailed her out in monies she owed friends and creditors and replacing what was lost. Not this time. She's finding ways to pay back those she owes. She also knows that if she doesn't follow the house rules this time she will not be coming back here if she's kicked out or moves out in a snit. So, the big question is do you honestly think things will be different after the first week or two if your daughter comes home now? If the answer is no, then it is not time. If the answer is yes, then find her and let her come home, but let her know the house rules before she walks in the door and let her know that if they are broken she's right back out the door. Be firm, be reasonable, be strong. Many hugs. This is not easy. [/QUOTE]
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