Defiant Child - Part 3

Discussion in 'General Parenting Archives' started by -, Nov 9, 2000.

  1. Guest

    16. WHEN TALK FAILS:
    ~talking is the desired place to begin, it teaches them reasoning and logic
    ~develop a hierarchy of consequences
    ~develop as many as you can think of so when #1 loses power, you are prepared with other consequences.
    ~be prepared for the ODD kid to not follow the plan-keep at it
    ***PARENTS FAIL THE MOST IN NOT GOING THROUGH WITH THE CONSEQUENCE. ******
    ~come up with consequences that you CAN follow through on
    ~ if initial consequences don't phase him/her, increase the intensity of the restriciton-till you get their attention!
    ~think of everything as leverage, time on phone, time with friends, curfews, TV,
    video games, snacks, cool clothes, sleep overs, everything!
    ~driving-let them get their license p. 110
    ~they can keep the learners permit forever, then they are not out on their own.
    ~this can be used as a great bargaining tool to get them to comply
    ~Dr. R. suggests letting them us a family car, so they don't have to sacrifice education to pay for up keep of their dream machine
    ~tell them only people who have proven they are responsible behavior can drive
    BEHAVIOR TECHNIQUES:
    1. verbal warnings
    a. one-two-three system: when acting out say ONE and be willing to give him explanation of inappropriate behavior, say TWO as the behavior continues, say
    THREE and then follow through with the consequences. p. 84
    2. time out
    ~out of their room where their toys are
    3. control reinforcers & provileges
    ~remove privileges and fun stuff-only returns as behavior improves
    ~obvious: tv, phones, video games, stereo, etc.
    ~subtle: cool clothes, snacks, books, make-up, jewelry, magazines, etc.
    (removing even things the teen has purchased)
    **YOU MUST DO WHATEVER IT TAKES AND TO TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING TO GET HIS/HER ATTENTION and get them to comply to house rules
    ~more intense behavior-more things taken and longer kept
    4. Monster time out
    ~grounded to the house without being able to do anything! for a certain time period
    5. level systems
    ~must have rules established so kid knows when they are broken
    ~for long term use
    ~at end of each day you will review child's behavior. how he did today, determines what level he starts out on tomorrow.
    ~even if kid starts out in level 3-can be busted down levels depending upon behavior
    Level 1: no privileges or reinforcers
    Level 2: moderate amount of privileges or reinforcers
    ~everything cut by 2/3
    Level 3: usual activities and privileges.
    ~if child is nasty all week and then behaves on Friday afternoon, give her full privileges. if this pattern continues explain that she will have a modified version of level 3. can use phone, have friends over for 30min., etc.

    6. pay as you go
    ~you must demonstrate good behavior for amount of time and then you can play for that same designated time amount.
    ~if behavior during that time isn't acceptable, then they can't do fun stuff for that same amount of time
    ~as teens get older we expect them to become more and more responsible
    ~it is heartbreaking for parents with ODD kids when they feel they have to keep taking care of them
    ~you must continue to provide limits and punishments!

    end of part 3 / part 4 coming soon!
     
  2. Guest

    Ellenkath,

    I just archived Parts 1 and 2.

    Nancy
     
  3. Guest

    Thank you for the condensed version - But don't see part 2 - Can you help ?
     
  4. Guest

    This is GREAT! thanks so much. Quick question, I haven't had the chance to get the book as of yet, so is there a variation for a 7 year old? These techniques sound wonderful, but I can't help but wonder how they would effect my 7 yr.old difficult child.

    Thanks

    ------------------
    Me - 25, married (almost) 5 years to husband
    K - 7, (step daughter) ODD, attachment disorder, (ruling out ADHD, and mood disorder)
    T - 3, easy child (Mimics big sis)
    A - 1, easy child no problems yet, has sis's devotion now.
    husband - 30, has come a long way in standing up to his ex and mother. Has also begun supporting me.
     
  5. Guest

    Misty-yes ther are techinques for younger kids. might be a little hoakie???? i didn't put those in because the parent group i'm in is for parents with teens.
    for younger kids it talks about time outs
    and using the time machine idea (which is on the outline)
    and another technique, which i don't even remember. you need to make some clock and i wouldn't spend the time on it myself.

    you can always just adapt what's in the outline and gear it for younger kids.

    good luck

    ------------------
    Ellenkath, AKA: DRAMA MAMA, Mom of: male difficult child 15 yr.Diagnosed ADHD at 10 yr. Recently diagnosed ODD, possible emerging bi-polar. In day treatment program since spring 2000. Male easy child 18 yr.
    Co-facilitator for a Parents Helping Parents support group
    Are we having fun yet?? "He who laughs, lasts." M.P. Poole
     
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