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Depressed at Thought of Stepdaughter Living Here After Jail
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<blockquote data-quote="ConcernedSC" data-source="post: 622980" data-attributes="member: 17793"><p>Thanks. I have given my husband literature on co-dependency in the past, but he insists that's not him. What he does is go down a list of people who have all been helped when they fell on hard times. The problem with doing that is- these people only needed temporary assistance to get back on their feet, not permanent assistance because they refuse to grow up and be responsible at all. </p><p></p><p>A few years ago I didn't think I could go on anymore in my marriage. My husband wanted to move his daughter CLOSER to us so that he could BETTER be at her beck and call- exactly the complete opposite of what I wanted. It made no sense to stay together after that. Our minds are so directly opposite in the way we think and how we feel about her behaviors. And I lose my respect for him and my temper because it disgusts me that he still believes her lies and is willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, has allowed her to talk to him like he is a piece of crap (and me as well) and minimizes the neglect she has done to her son (now out of her custody and living with the father's mother). In the past he has asked her to apologize and she just doesn't and there are no consequences. Growing up, she NEVER had to admit lying, and she NEVER had to say she was sorry for her behaviors. She pushed back against these normal childhood lessons and they are not part of her being.</p><p></p><p>My son- amazingly he seems more stable than me or my husband. I worry that I damaged him in some way by letting him see me so miserable and depressed, and hear some of the fights I've had with his father. If I had to do over- I would have gotten out. I was better able to hide it when he was younger, but not so much as he got older. </p><p></p><p>I myself had a poor self esteem, which is why I think I clung to this relationship even as red flags waved wildly. I didn't have the greatest family support and went through a series of draining situations where I came out having been hurt, and didn't begin to fully understand how I got involved in all this until I reached my 30's and began self-help books- mainly to deal with them and the mother. Along the way I saw how I was unhealthy and why I stayed in a bad situation.</p><p></p><p>As for the mother, I should mention she died about 7 years ago from organ failure. She committed a slow suicide by using drugs and drinking until she literally gave out. She died believing her daughter hated her guts. I spoke with her on the phone a few months before the end and sobbed the entire time, telling me how the daughter completely tormented her the last few years and she had nothing to live for, since she believed that the daughter smugly and gleefully tortured her for amusement. And then she did in fact die not long after.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for reading.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ConcernedSC, post: 622980, member: 17793"] Thanks. I have given my husband literature on co-dependency in the past, but he insists that's not him. What he does is go down a list of people who have all been helped when they fell on hard times. The problem with doing that is- these people only needed temporary assistance to get back on their feet, not permanent assistance because they refuse to grow up and be responsible at all. A few years ago I didn't think I could go on anymore in my marriage. My husband wanted to move his daughter CLOSER to us so that he could BETTER be at her beck and call- exactly the complete opposite of what I wanted. It made no sense to stay together after that. Our minds are so directly opposite in the way we think and how we feel about her behaviors. And I lose my respect for him and my temper because it disgusts me that he still believes her lies and is willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, has allowed her to talk to him like he is a piece of crap (and me as well) and minimizes the neglect she has done to her son (now out of her custody and living with the father's mother). In the past he has asked her to apologize and she just doesn't and there are no consequences. Growing up, she NEVER had to admit lying, and she NEVER had to say she was sorry for her behaviors. She pushed back against these normal childhood lessons and they are not part of her being. My son- amazingly he seems more stable than me or my husband. I worry that I damaged him in some way by letting him see me so miserable and depressed, and hear some of the fights I've had with his father. If I had to do over- I would have gotten out. I was better able to hide it when he was younger, but not so much as he got older. I myself had a poor self esteem, which is why I think I clung to this relationship even as red flags waved wildly. I didn't have the greatest family support and went through a series of draining situations where I came out having been hurt, and didn't begin to fully understand how I got involved in all this until I reached my 30's and began self-help books- mainly to deal with them and the mother. Along the way I saw how I was unhealthy and why I stayed in a bad situation. As for the mother, I should mention she died about 7 years ago from organ failure. She committed a slow suicide by using drugs and drinking until she literally gave out. She died believing her daughter hated her guts. I spoke with her on the phone a few months before the end and sobbed the entire time, telling me how the daughter completely tormented her the last few years and she had nothing to live for, since she believed that the daughter smugly and gleefully tortured her for amusement. And then she did in fact die not long after. Thanks for reading. [/QUOTE]
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