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depression is hard to function in at times
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 126152" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi</p><p></p><p>yup i am struggling. just afraid to go on medication's becuase i have her evaluation coming up and i don't want to be loopy in anyway at all, or questionning ok how do i feel on these medication's i'm just trying to get through.</p><p></p><p>i have often wondered about myself to be honest, life has thrown as i'm sure you know how it is alot of things at me and my moods changed due to the pressure, etc. </p><p></p><p>yet i have recognized a few behaviors or let's say things i've experienced;</p><p></p><p>i tend to spend money when stressed i've noticed (irresponsible behavior); won't necessarily be on me, mostly kids yet spending money when i know i shouldn't as of late and through the years.</p><p></p><p>i also have moments of extreme happiness hard to explain how those moments feel but their very powerful haven't had them much lately yet through the course of my time its almost europhic on some level. it could be a sunset i look at or hte stars at night or driving in the summer in my truck over hte bridge where we used to live smelling the ocean we live on the beach. those moments when it feels as though everything is simply perfect. it'sa great feeling.</p><p></p><p>also there have been times periods i guess when things calm somewhat where i've had great ideas, money making ideas, etc. have never finished through with any of them. ideas are def. creative people have told me so yet i lack the ability to see it through. when the high ends so does the ability to finish through with it.</p><p></p><p>yet most people have said i run pretty consistent wtih my moods. i don't go into manic state for days and am awake. yet i do remember last year when there was alot of stress mounting i had too much energy i couldn't sleep at night had to take sleepiong pills. i was very restless. now i'm always tired.</p><p></p><p>i'm afraid to looking into me at this point. i think we can all exhibit traits of various things, and tack anything onto ourselves don 't you think???</p><p></p><p>if you don't mind me asking what types of things did you experience prior to your diagnosis? </p><p></p><p>right now i have to push myself to do just about anything i truly do. it soo stinks i miss myself so very much. that happy outgoing secure person i was seems like thing of past i look in mirror it's same woman but totally different make up.</p><p></p><p>my pysch has told me i'm a survivor, that it's normal to be depressed right now with all this going on it's alot to handle.</p><p></p><p>yet my boyfriend said to me that i obsess over stuff. if he makes a mistake and could be minimal i will go on about it for hours and not be able to let it go. this is my difficult child for sure. it will take 8 - 10 hours sometimes to let it go. he said it's very hard to deal with and alot of times he feels as though he's walking on eggshells wondering if i'm going to freak out on him or not.</p><p></p><p>i also always have this ideal thought of what life should be. always round hold square peg thing someone here said that to me and it stuck in my head. i'm always dreaming of what the perfect life should be and not accepting what truly is. i'm always searching for better, etc. instead of accepting where i am, where we are, what my life truly is. </p><p></p><p>there is alot of depression and anxiety in my genes my dads side my mom's side.</p><p></p><p>i just know i hate where i am right now. its twelve oclock i'm supposed to go buy food and do pile of laundry yet i do'nt want to do anything i'm still in pajamas. i just want to relax im tired really tired and little difficult child is coming home shortly and once she's back that's it break time over. i do'nt want boyfriend to get upset with me for not doing what i'm supposed to do either. he finds it hard when i don't do the stuff i'm supposed. he works very long hours 16 a day actually si only off two days a week. the days he's off he manages togo to gym has a little bit of time then off to pick up the 5 kids homework, cook dinner, etc. he works hard on those days actually. so when i do'tn do the stuff i'm supposed then he's stuck with food shopping etc. with the little time he's got and that's not fair to him he's paying all the bills right now.</p><p></p><p>thanks for sharing with me</p><p>hopefully this will lift if it doesn't soon i guess i'm going to have to go on something becuase this feeling is horrible it really is so saddening on so many levels. and i'm afraid i'll scare people him let's face it he's not my husband. he's only my boyfriend and yup he's made a whole lotta mistakes but he's trying hard and me being sick like this now only makes it harder for him. he is so tolerant of all that my life consists of the two difficult child's paying all the bills dealing with me, it's alot. sometimes i truly think he's crazy for being with me. for a while i thought it was all him messing up creating problems, etc. yup his mistakes are what they are but nwo i'm faced Occupational Therapist (OT) look at me, my behaviors my lack of happiness the leve of stuff he's dealing with in my world. as he said it it's still me but it's very different from the happy carefree woman he fell in love with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 126152, member: 4514"] hi yup i am struggling. just afraid to go on medication's becuase i have her evaluation coming up and i don't want to be loopy in anyway at all, or questionning ok how do i feel on these medication's i'm just trying to get through. i have often wondered about myself to be honest, life has thrown as i'm sure you know how it is alot of things at me and my moods changed due to the pressure, etc. yet i have recognized a few behaviors or let's say things i've experienced; i tend to spend money when stressed i've noticed (irresponsible behavior); won't necessarily be on me, mostly kids yet spending money when i know i shouldn't as of late and through the years. i also have moments of extreme happiness hard to explain how those moments feel but their very powerful haven't had them much lately yet through the course of my time its almost europhic on some level. it could be a sunset i look at or hte stars at night or driving in the summer in my truck over hte bridge where we used to live smelling the ocean we live on the beach. those moments when it feels as though everything is simply perfect. it'sa great feeling. also there have been times periods i guess when things calm somewhat where i've had great ideas, money making ideas, etc. have never finished through with any of them. ideas are def. creative people have told me so yet i lack the ability to see it through. when the high ends so does the ability to finish through with it. yet most people have said i run pretty consistent wtih my moods. i don't go into manic state for days and am awake. yet i do remember last year when there was alot of stress mounting i had too much energy i couldn't sleep at night had to take sleepiong pills. i was very restless. now i'm always tired. i'm afraid to looking into me at this point. i think we can all exhibit traits of various things, and tack anything onto ourselves don 't you think??? if you don't mind me asking what types of things did you experience prior to your diagnosis? right now i have to push myself to do just about anything i truly do. it soo stinks i miss myself so very much. that happy outgoing secure person i was seems like thing of past i look in mirror it's same woman but totally different make up. my pysch has told me i'm a survivor, that it's normal to be depressed right now with all this going on it's alot to handle. yet my boyfriend said to me that i obsess over stuff. if he makes a mistake and could be minimal i will go on about it for hours and not be able to let it go. this is my difficult child for sure. it will take 8 - 10 hours sometimes to let it go. he said it's very hard to deal with and alot of times he feels as though he's walking on eggshells wondering if i'm going to freak out on him or not. i also always have this ideal thought of what life should be. always round hold square peg thing someone here said that to me and it stuck in my head. i'm always dreaming of what the perfect life should be and not accepting what truly is. i'm always searching for better, etc. instead of accepting where i am, where we are, what my life truly is. there is alot of depression and anxiety in my genes my dads side my mom's side. i just know i hate where i am right now. its twelve oclock i'm supposed to go buy food and do pile of laundry yet i do'nt want to do anything i'm still in pajamas. i just want to relax im tired really tired and little difficult child is coming home shortly and once she's back that's it break time over. i do'nt want boyfriend to get upset with me for not doing what i'm supposed to do either. he finds it hard when i don't do the stuff i'm supposed. he works very long hours 16 a day actually si only off two days a week. the days he's off he manages togo to gym has a little bit of time then off to pick up the 5 kids homework, cook dinner, etc. he works hard on those days actually. so when i do'tn do the stuff i'm supposed then he's stuck with food shopping etc. with the little time he's got and that's not fair to him he's paying all the bills right now. thanks for sharing with me hopefully this will lift if it doesn't soon i guess i'm going to have to go on something becuase this feeling is horrible it really is so saddening on so many levels. and i'm afraid i'll scare people him let's face it he's not my husband. he's only my boyfriend and yup he's made a whole lotta mistakes but he's trying hard and me being sick like this now only makes it harder for him. he is so tolerant of all that my life consists of the two difficult child's paying all the bills dealing with me, it's alot. sometimes i truly think he's crazy for being with me. for a while i thought it was all him messing up creating problems, etc. yup his mistakes are what they are but nwo i'm faced Occupational Therapist (OT) look at me, my behaviors my lack of happiness the leve of stuff he's dealing with in my world. as he said it it's still me but it's very different from the happy carefree woman he fell in love with. 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