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<blockquote data-quote="change" data-source="post: 166717" data-attributes="member: 4808"><p>First, welcome. I hate to share this...it's very personal...but ONLY because so many have really helped me with my children in such a short period of time, I'll do it. When I was 5 years old, I was sexually abused. It was only once but it really messed me up. When I finally told my parents, they were supportive but did not seek me any therapy at all and the man had recently died so I guess they felt like it was a mute point. I was in middle school by then. Also, I'm not sure when but about that time, a cousin exprimented with me a little, nothing big, but I was totally disgusted. I didn't tell. I then, proceeded to act out terribly for about 2 straight years (7th & 8th grade). Same as your daughter, I had excellent grades and conduct. I was even in the gifted program at school. I was very disrespectful to my parents. In 8th grade I got caught shoplifting a tube of mascara and my parents decided it was the last straw and sent me back to private school (Catholic). They saw no connection between what I had revealed (sexual abuse) and the acting out. As far as I know they thought it was the kids and the public school. I was grounded from everything except school activities. I wanted to go to a gifted academy (public) so badly I was furious. The high school I went to was college prep but I was afraid the kids would be snobby. Once I got there, I settled in and there was so much to do (activities) that I began to get my act together because I wanted them to loosen up their grip on me. I'll be honest and say that I still made poor choices and engaged in some risky behavior over the rest of my teen years but no drugs, very little alcohol use, and none of it jeopordized my academics. The only thing that kept me going was that I wanted to get the heck out of my house to a top university and I was able to do that. Maybe if you can find something for her to focus on, she can get herself under control enough to "get by" and get her through these years. When I look back on those years, I have a lot of shame about my behavior. I don't like to think about them. I'm a totally different person now. Even my husband doesn't know the full extent of how messed up I once was. I'm still so ashamed of it I can't even put it down here in words. Thank God he met me when I was already much better. I think even he made me want to be a better person. My daughter is going through the same thing now and sometimes I think God brought her into my home because I can relate to her while others want to judge her and give up on her. No one knows what it's like to survive sexual abuse unless you've been there but it can be done. I had no therapy at all, no drugs, it was all me and my own drive. My parents were always very loving even though they didn't seem to have a clue what I was doing as I got older, but they were very loving every step of the way while I was in college. I did graduate in 4 years too. I hope this gives you a little bit of hope. I've never revealed this much to anyone before. (I'm so glad this is anonymous! LOL) BIG HUGS and PRAYERS for your daughter....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="change, post: 166717, member: 4808"] First, welcome. I hate to share this...it's very personal...but ONLY because so many have really helped me with my children in such a short period of time, I'll do it. When I was 5 years old, I was sexually abused. It was only once but it really messed me up. When I finally told my parents, they were supportive but did not seek me any therapy at all and the man had recently died so I guess they felt like it was a mute point. I was in middle school by then. Also, I'm not sure when but about that time, a cousin exprimented with me a little, nothing big, but I was totally disgusted. I didn't tell. I then, proceeded to act out terribly for about 2 straight years (7th & 8th grade). Same as your daughter, I had excellent grades and conduct. I was even in the gifted program at school. I was very disrespectful to my parents. In 8th grade I got caught shoplifting a tube of mascara and my parents decided it was the last straw and sent me back to private school (Catholic). They saw no connection between what I had revealed (sexual abuse) and the acting out. As far as I know they thought it was the kids and the public school. I was grounded from everything except school activities. I wanted to go to a gifted academy (public) so badly I was furious. The high school I went to was college prep but I was afraid the kids would be snobby. Once I got there, I settled in and there was so much to do (activities) that I began to get my act together because I wanted them to loosen up their grip on me. I'll be honest and say that I still made poor choices and engaged in some risky behavior over the rest of my teen years but no drugs, very little alcohol use, and none of it jeopordized my academics. The only thing that kept me going was that I wanted to get the heck out of my house to a top university and I was able to do that. Maybe if you can find something for her to focus on, she can get herself under control enough to "get by" and get her through these years. When I look back on those years, I have a lot of shame about my behavior. I don't like to think about them. I'm a totally different person now. Even my husband doesn't know the full extent of how messed up I once was. I'm still so ashamed of it I can't even put it down here in words. Thank God he met me when I was already much better. I think even he made me want to be a better person. My daughter is going through the same thing now and sometimes I think God brought her into my home because I can relate to her while others want to judge her and give up on her. No one knows what it's like to survive sexual abuse unless you've been there but it can be done. I had no therapy at all, no drugs, it was all me and my own drive. My parents were always very loving even though they didn't seem to have a clue what I was doing as I got older, but they were very loving every step of the way while I was in college. I did graduate in 4 years too. I hope this gives you a little bit of hope. I've never revealed this much to anyone before. (I'm so glad this is anonymous! LOL) BIG HUGS and PRAYERS for your daughter.... [/QUOTE]
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