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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 238829" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome, Anna.</p><p></p><p>I also have a easy child who was sexually abused by another child and who refused to cooperate with counselling. we did what we could.</p><p></p><p>However, my easy child didn't become the problem yours has, which makes me think there are other likely factors involved. Of course, we can't really compare, but a number of things worry me.</p><p></p><p>About her claiming to have had a serious drug habit but now kicked it - I'm with you, I doubt it. She may have tried a couple of things briefly but especially regarding heroin use, saying she's been a user who kicked the habit - that sounds like the way a naive kid would talk to themselves about heroin when thinking about giving it a try; "It won't get its hooks into me because I'm a strong person, I won't allow myself to get hooked, all you need is enough inner strength and even heroin use won't be a problem."</p><p>Added in to her wish to get cancer so she can be cured of it, so she can rightly tell people she is a cancer survivor - I think the heroin history is similar fantasy.</p><p></p><p>What she is wanting, is to be able to say (with the clear, obvious evidence) that she is a strong person, she is exceptional, she is a survivor in the extreme.</p><p></p><p>So what is it about herself that she wants this? Does she feel that she isn't respected enough for her inner strength? Or is she afraid she isn't as strong as she wants to be? On that score, it could come back to the abuse history - it's more socially acceptable to say you're a cancer survivor, than to say you're a survivor of abuse.</p><p></p><p>As for the sex - she is now a sexually aware individual, you can't put that particular genie back in the bottle. The best you can do is teach her that if she wants the adult pleasures then she has to learn to take the corresponding adult responsibilities - good sexual health (of yourself and your partner), contraception (again, of both parties), and the emotional health issues that kids never seem to take on board. Sex used too trivially can do a lot of emotional harm to kids. Your daughter may be fine, but her partners may find the experience too distressing, if she also comes with an emotional rollercoaster as part of the experience. easy child 2/difficult child 2 had this effect on boys, her first boyfriend was absolutely smitten with her and after they broke up he remained obsessed (I'm concerned he still is, although he now has another girlfriend). We warned her that she needed to not be too free with her favours or she could lay the foundations for a great deal of trouble with potential stalkers. I would go carefully with your daughter with this one - I suspect she would be secretly delighted to have boys so smitten that they couldn't stop following her around.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can get some answers. A book we often recommend on this site is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Even if she isn't explosive, it can still give you some useful tips on how to handle her.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 238829, member: 1991"] Welcome, Anna. I also have a easy child who was sexually abused by another child and who refused to cooperate with counselling. we did what we could. However, my easy child didn't become the problem yours has, which makes me think there are other likely factors involved. Of course, we can't really compare, but a number of things worry me. About her claiming to have had a serious drug habit but now kicked it - I'm with you, I doubt it. She may have tried a couple of things briefly but especially regarding heroin use, saying she's been a user who kicked the habit - that sounds like the way a naive kid would talk to themselves about heroin when thinking about giving it a try; "It won't get its hooks into me because I'm a strong person, I won't allow myself to get hooked, all you need is enough inner strength and even heroin use won't be a problem." Added in to her wish to get cancer so she can be cured of it, so she can rightly tell people she is a cancer survivor - I think the heroin history is similar fantasy. What she is wanting, is to be able to say (with the clear, obvious evidence) that she is a strong person, she is exceptional, she is a survivor in the extreme. So what is it about herself that she wants this? Does she feel that she isn't respected enough for her inner strength? Or is she afraid she isn't as strong as she wants to be? On that score, it could come back to the abuse history - it's more socially acceptable to say you're a cancer survivor, than to say you're a survivor of abuse. As for the sex - she is now a sexually aware individual, you can't put that particular genie back in the bottle. The best you can do is teach her that if she wants the adult pleasures then she has to learn to take the corresponding adult responsibilities - good sexual health (of yourself and your partner), contraception (again, of both parties), and the emotional health issues that kids never seem to take on board. Sex used too trivially can do a lot of emotional harm to kids. Your daughter may be fine, but her partners may find the experience too distressing, if she also comes with an emotional rollercoaster as part of the experience. easy child 2/difficult child 2 had this effect on boys, her first boyfriend was absolutely smitten with her and after they broke up he remained obsessed (I'm concerned he still is, although he now has another girlfriend). We warned her that she needed to not be too free with her favours or she could lay the foundations for a great deal of trouble with potential stalkers. I would go carefully with your daughter with this one - I suspect she would be secretly delighted to have boys so smitten that they couldn't stop following her around. I hope you can get some answers. A book we often recommend on this site is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Even if she isn't explosive, it can still give you some useful tips on how to handle her. Marg [/QUOTE]
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