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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 557563" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>No Hope, the others are all correct. First, it is NEVER too soon to post here - NEVER. Welcome, and I am glad you are here but sorry you need to be here. </p><p></p><p>Second, you MUST call the police and file charges and not drop them EVERY time he is violent or threatening to you. Get pics of the damage, get the cops there, and get the local domestic violence people involved as well. Do NOT stay there if you feel he will hurt you. Keep a charged cell phone in your pocket at ALL times - even if you have to get a pay as you go second one for while your main one is charging. After the first round of minutes to activate your phone you won't actually need to buy minutes - ALL cell phones must be able to call 911 even if they don't have minutes. But you NEED to have one on your physical person at all times. Practice dialing it with-o looking at it so you can dial it if he is in your face and he won't see you. </p><p></p><p>If you have evicted him and he won't go, then he is trespassing and that is a crime. If he breaks a window or door, that is breaking and entering and is a crime. the criminal charges will stack up, esp after he is evicted and he may do jail time. that is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Don't take his phone calls or have ANY interaction wtih him with-o a law enforcement person there. Keep asking for a restraining order, and don't' let ANY violation slip.</p><p></p><p>Your children are supposed to love you, not hurt and abuse you. there is NO shame or guilt to be owned by you. HE owns it all and don't let yourself take it upon your shoulders. </p><p></p><p>Get a therapist from the dv organization to help you with your feelings in this situation. It is normal to be very upset and confused and to need help dealing with this - esp as you have had to deal with this for years. If they tell you they don't know how to help with a child abusing a parent, ask them to work with you and help you figure it out anyway. I did this when my son was 14 (he is 21 next month!) and it was good for me, the therapist, and the organization. I got the help I needed, the therapist learned how to help others like me, and the org as a whole realized how real this problem is and that they could help with it just like with other dv issues. So PLEASE get the dv organization in your area to help you.</p><p></p><p>Safety has to be the first priority. I would have the cops there when you kick him out. Get some pepper spray to carry. Get him OUT of there even if you have to evict him. Stay at the dv center if you need to. This is NOT your fault.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 557563, member: 1233"] No Hope, the others are all correct. First, it is NEVER too soon to post here - NEVER. Welcome, and I am glad you are here but sorry you need to be here. Second, you MUST call the police and file charges and not drop them EVERY time he is violent or threatening to you. Get pics of the damage, get the cops there, and get the local domestic violence people involved as well. Do NOT stay there if you feel he will hurt you. Keep a charged cell phone in your pocket at ALL times - even if you have to get a pay as you go second one for while your main one is charging. After the first round of minutes to activate your phone you won't actually need to buy minutes - ALL cell phones must be able to call 911 even if they don't have minutes. But you NEED to have one on your physical person at all times. Practice dialing it with-o looking at it so you can dial it if he is in your face and he won't see you. If you have evicted him and he won't go, then he is trespassing and that is a crime. If he breaks a window or door, that is breaking and entering and is a crime. the criminal charges will stack up, esp after he is evicted and he may do jail time. that is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Don't take his phone calls or have ANY interaction wtih him with-o a law enforcement person there. Keep asking for a restraining order, and don't' let ANY violation slip. Your children are supposed to love you, not hurt and abuse you. there is NO shame or guilt to be owned by you. HE owns it all and don't let yourself take it upon your shoulders. Get a therapist from the dv organization to help you with your feelings in this situation. It is normal to be very upset and confused and to need help dealing with this - esp as you have had to deal with this for years. If they tell you they don't know how to help with a child abusing a parent, ask them to work with you and help you figure it out anyway. I did this when my son was 14 (he is 21 next month!) and it was good for me, the therapist, and the organization. I got the help I needed, the therapist learned how to help others like me, and the org as a whole realized how real this problem is and that they could help with it just like with other dv issues. So PLEASE get the dv organization in your area to help you. Safety has to be the first priority. I would have the cops there when you kick him out. Get some pepper spray to carry. Get him OUT of there even if you have to evict him. Stay at the dv center if you need to. This is NOT your fault. [/QUOTE]
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