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Detachment 101 Phrases
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 473498"><p>It does but I am not sure it will shut him down...</p><p></p><p>But if I am getting the gist of it - the point is not to leave any open ended questions - just to lob it right back... (I am rubber and you are glue, what you say bounces off of me and sticks to you <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick Out Tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" />)</p><p></p><p>I'm projecting my difficult child will continue to say things such as:</p><p> "I am an adult why do I have a curfew (need to tell you where I am etc)?" </p><p>"Other parents are fine with their kids drinking and smoking, you're the ones with the problem" </p><p>"Most people (or you did) party in college and they are FINE" </p><p>"If you let me do what I want, none of this would have happened" </p><p>"I had to lie to you because you wouldn't have wanted me to do it" </p><p>"You refuse to compromise" (ha, as if - we've compromised so much that we are dizzy)</p><p>"It's your fault because (<em>you are too controlling, you breathe oxygen, your eyes are brown, you care too much, you care too little, you don't live in the real world, you are fake, this family is dysfunctional, you took me to FL instead of Aspen etc)</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I mean how do I refute his outlandish blame? Or do I just not go there? I've tried to say things like "you need to own your behavior instead of lying" and that didn't work so well. I tried to remind him that HE set the standards for his parental paid college life (3.0 no trouble, no substances, no drinking tickets, graduate in 4 years. his terms not ours) Again he turned it around on us. So how do we get the point across while shutting the blame down? Or do we just shut the blame down and not worry about making "our" point? Do we let him know that we don't need to justify ourselves? Because it's futile...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 473498"] It does but I am not sure it will shut him down... But if I am getting the gist of it - the point is not to leave any open ended questions - just to lob it right back... (I am rubber and you are glue, what you say bounces off of me and sticks to you :-p) I'm projecting my difficult child will continue to say things such as: "I am an adult why do I have a curfew (need to tell you where I am etc)?" "Other parents are fine with their kids drinking and smoking, you're the ones with the problem" "Most people (or you did) party in college and they are FINE" "If you let me do what I want, none of this would have happened" "I had to lie to you because you wouldn't have wanted me to do it" "You refuse to compromise" (ha, as if - we've compromised so much that we are dizzy) "It's your fault because ([I]you are too controlling, you breathe oxygen, your eyes are brown, you care too much, you care too little, you don't live in the real world, you are fake, this family is dysfunctional, you took me to FL instead of Aspen etc) [/I] I mean how do I refute his outlandish blame? Or do I just not go there? I've tried to say things like "you need to own your behavior instead of lying" and that didn't work so well. I tried to remind him that HE set the standards for his parental paid college life (3.0 no trouble, no substances, no drinking tickets, graduate in 4 years. his terms not ours) Again he turned it around on us. So how do we get the point across while shutting the blame down? Or do we just shut the blame down and not worry about making "our" point? Do we let him know that we don't need to justify ourselves? Because it's futile... [/QUOTE]
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