difficult child 1 pushing to go to different school

[Californiablonde]

So I had a good talk with difficult child about her missing school. She admitted to me that she does not like this new school because she doesn't have any friends there. All her friends from middle school went to our home high school nearby our house. The only reason why difficult child didn't go to our home school is because that school doesn't have an ED program there. So she got transferred to the school we are at now. She is in a very restricted environment and hates it. We tried to get her mainstreamed at her last IEP meeting but the teachers and school psychiatric didn't want her in regular classes. So now difficult child is begging me to get her transferred to her home school. She has several friends from middle school who go there. The only problem with it is she would be in all mainstreamed classes, even math which is her biggest challenge. They do have Special Education RSP classes at that school but they are just special resource classes with no emotional or behavior support.

So now the question is whether or not to give her what she is wishing for and have her transferred. I definitely don't like her being in all ED classes at the school she's at now, but for her tough subjects, which are math and science, she really does need the extra support. It will be quite challenging to have her in all mainstreamed classes. Granted, they will be smaller special resource classes, but not ED. Do I take a risk, transfer her, and have her either sink or swim in this new school? I'm afraid it will not work out in the long run and we will have her transferred for nothing. difficult child swears she will start attending school on a regular basis if we have her transferred. I just don't know if it's worth the risk. I have no idea what to do.

 

[InsaneCdn]

OK, I'm gonna ramble here, but... you have OPTIONS. More than you think.
1) she doesn't have to take a full class-load - especially of heavy subjects. For right now? skip the worst subjects entirely (math, for one) - she can catch up "later".
2) depending on how your resource room works, they CAN provide all sorts of supports
3) if the new school will take her on a full IEP, then they CAN modify all sorts of things, including exam formats.
4) can she have at least one full period of resource room, just for doing homework and other class-work help - depending on how overwhelming the transition is, maybe she needs two of these, one in the morning and one in the afternoon

Right now, the most important things (as I'm hearing them come from your posts) are:
1) she needs to be in school, every day
2) she needs to be around neuro-typical kids
3) she needs to be learning positive things at school (not stuck in some ED classroom)
4) there needs to be proper accommodations and interventions for the learning disabilities

Will they take her? what are they like to work with? Will your son end up at the same school? (could be an advantage later)

 

[HaoZi]

Would her friends even be in these smaller classes with her or are they main-stream? If her friends are main-stream does she realize she really wouldn't be seeing them?

 

[Californiablonde]

I'm not sure if the friends would be in her classes or not. The friends are from her middle school mainstreamed English class last year. The class was a regular class but it was the "slower moving" class full of students who are a little bit behind grade level. So they may be in some of her RSP classes. And she could see them at lunch and break. As of now she eats lunch outside by herself. I totally feel bad for her. In my junior year of high school my best friend moved away and I too had to eat lunch by myself until I made new friends. It was a very awkward time for me. Of course we will have to meet in another IEP meeting and discuss her placement before we do the move. I'm still not sure whether it will be worth it or not.

 

[InsaneCdn]

If you can find an appropriate fit... it doesn't take much to be better than that stupid ED class. (JMO)

 

[Californiablonde]

I agree she would fit better with RSP classes than the ED classes. Yes, she is bipolar but she rarely has behavior problems in regular classes. Her meltdowns come with the ED classes because she sees the other kids do it and she thinks it's okay. She's too embarrassed to do it in front of the "normal kids." It's a concept this new school just can't seem to grasp. The only thing is difficult child will have to get used to having homework again. There is no homework in ED but there is in RSP. I am hoping there is a study skills class she can take at the end of the day where she can work on homework. Previous homework battles with her were brutal. I'd hate to have to endure those again. Again this is something we would need to discuss further in the IEP if I choose to go ahead with the transfer.

 

[InsaneCdn]

My difficult child has one resource period per day with no "formal" class... it is spent in the resource room doing that day's homework. Occasionally he has a handful of questions to finish when he gets home, or some reading to do (he's fine with reading). But 90%+ gets done at school - and he takes one less class than his peers. This is not study hall... it's formal resource-room time.

 

[lovelyboy]

It almost sound as if you had made the choice already...
I can relate a bit to what you are going through, when I had to make a school choice, a few weeks ago!
The one thing that stood out for me was that I dont know if moving to new school is the best thing to do, or if it will work out BUT I knew, leaving my kids in their current school, ISN'T WORKING! Move, we had to move! We will see next yr if we made the right choice!
Just to give you some perspective from our country.....In RSA we dont have ANY form of Special Education in any form or any accomodation for kids with issues ANYWAY....and in some way, our kids all survive in mainstream.....
Good luck with making the decision!

 

[Californiablonde]

Well after yet another battle to get difficult child to school again this morning, I have decided to go ahead with the move. I just emailed her case carrier and asked her to begin the process. So far I haven't heard back yet, but I expect to by the end of the day. I really hope we are doing the right thing. difficult child really wants this so I'm going to do as she wishes. Hopefully it works out.

 

[Californiablonde]

Update: Just heard back from the case carrier. She says she is scheduling an IEP meeting to discuss difficult child's recent reading placement test results. Remember we asked her to be tested because the mainstream reading teacher said she didn't want her there because she would be a "failure?" Well now the results have come in and we will be discussing whether or not difficult child should be mainstreamed. I let the case carrier know that I want difficult child transferred regardless. I think I have had just about enough of this school. The case carrier says it's a "team decision" on whether or not difficult child gets transferred. Isn't it ultimately MY decision where she goes regardless? Or am I wrong here?

 

[InsaneCdn]

It is a team decision. That's why you need a high-power advocate to be there with you.

 

[Californiablonde]

But even if they object, don't I have the final say so? After all, it is our home school. I'm just not sure I can get an advocate in time.

 

[HaoZi]

I got our advocate from our local League of the Blind and Disabled. Contact your local chapter and see if they can help you.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Parents never have the final say. At least not in any realistic fashion. If you're like TeDo, she had the final say... she chose to home-school. But that's not an option for you, at least from what you have said.

 

[Californiablonde]

Well despite having to wait for the IEP, we are getting the ball rolling as soon as possible. My mom is meeting with the director of Special Education today at the new school. Hopefully this will get us a jump start before the meeting, so we will already have some info on the type of program she needs.