difficult child 1 ramping up

[Liahona]

Buster is sick and he has a sunburn. Miserable baby that wants to be held all the time.

We had a community clean-up day yesterday. difficult child 1 was wonderful and rewarded well for it. Then his reward time was over and his brothers time started. difficult child 1 wouldn't leave them alone. Time to go downstairs for everyone's benefit. This was not meant to be a punishment. I told him he could read his book. Everyone just needed difficult child 1 to go downstairs.

He glared at me in defiance. I raised my voice. He stomped down the stairs. He came back up. I yelled for him to go back downstairs. He yelled back "fine then I'm not going to x's" and stomped down stairs again. He stayed downstairs until his brothers had their time.

Today I'm stuck holding Buster. I ask difficult child 1 to do dishes. This is a normal thing that he has done in the past. Excuses, a bit of defiance, throwing dishes into the sink. I put the carrot out there of ice cream after certain dishes are washed and the table cleaned off. He is doing it now, reluctantly. Telling easy child 4 to go away, as quite as he can. I'm going to have to watch him close with her.

I shouldn't have yelled. The plan is to call for help if difficult child 1 doesn't go downstairs when asked. Then the police will take him to a mental health teen-age cool down place. He was testing this and I failed. The correct response would've been to find my phone and look up the number. difficult child 1 would've gone downstairs fast. He has done so well the last few weeks. I feel blindsided by this.

I think this might have to do with the up coming 3 week long summer visit with x. I wouldn't blame him for going off the deep end. I just have to consider the safety of everyone else too. If it is about the visit its going to get worse.

Yes, I will be telling the therapist about this. No, nothing came of the last dose of emotional garbage x did (the bit about the cliff.)

 

[TeDo]

Poor kid. It could be a combination of the visit and school ending. There is a lot of tension in the air with school alone and then throw in a long, (unwanted?), stressful visitation and you have HIGH anxiety. I feel for him. Take care of yourself. It might be a bumpy ride.

 

[buddy]

poor both of you! I'm interested in your plan (a teen cool down place, that is interesting....the er I have gone to for the last two times is set up like that but no kid/teen separate area.....but it sure is nice to have a place that is not so jail cell looking like the one attached to the children's hospital.

What happens if you start to dial and he suddenly does what you asked. Do you still dial then? I get stuck on this and tend to use it as a threat because I would have 911 here all the time, but then again the predictable thing is happening....he is calling my bluff sometimes. Gratefully I have not had to do this lately except for when I really needed it. a few weeks ago.

I wish he didn't need to do that long of a visit. I can see how his feelings could spill over too, but as you said, safety first. Way too many little ones to risk it. You do an amazing job.

 

[Liahona]

Yeah, right now he is crying hard, but he is working. Of course blaming me. If I could I would retract telling him to do the dishes, but if I do that now I'm just asking for a repeat behavior every time I ask him to do dishes.

I'm keeping everyone in the living room and away from difficult child 1. Hoping he doesn't wake up husband or break any dishes.

This is going to be a long night.

 

[buddy]

I can just FEEL how that is. That walking on eggshells, praying that it will calm and not get ugly. It is so hard to even take a deep breath at during those times. Sending a prayer your way for him to feel calmer and to let this pass. Are you going to give him the reward no matter how he does it, but just for doing it or is that the next issue to face? I can't count the number of times I wish I had not asked that one more thing or said something to Q. HUGS

 

[Liahona]

It is part of the county mental health program. The police will transport kids/teens there. The goal is to get him to a safe place to cool down. If he decides to go downstairs to his room when I call then I hang up. If he decides to go to his room after the police get here then he stays in his room and the police leave. The police only transport him if he still won't go to his room after they get here. Understand this plan has been in place for a year and I haven't had to call once. This really blindsided me.

There goes my mother's day flowers from difficult child 2. difficult child 1 accidentally dumped them out on the floor. He is saying sorry many times. His ability to control his arms goes out the window at these times, but he has also done things on purpose before. I don't know if it was an accident or not. Oh well, plants have to be resilient around here. Just scooped it up in to the pot and hope it lives. difficult child 2 won't notice if it does or not. At least he has stopped crying.

 

[Liahona]

Yes, he is going to get the reward for finishing. If I make an issue about his attitude right now this will get ugly fast. I'm just hoping for the dishes to get done fast and no one gets hurt.

If we work on attitude while working it has to be in the form of a behavior chart where 1/2 the points come from finishing and the other 1/2 come from good attitude. He can't lose everything and keep it together. Right now I don't have that chart set up. I'll set it up for the summer.

 

[buddy]

i'd have to do the same here.... have to ignore the attitude part of it, just focus on the task at hand. I feel your pain!

 

[Liahona]

He is almost done with the dishes. Then I'm going to have to wake husband up. Someone is going to have to be in the living room watching them while someone else makes dinner. Sending difficult child 1 downstairs right now when his reward is upstairs would really cause a blow up. husband isn't going to be happy, but with me waking him up at least that is better than difficult child 1's yelling waking him up.

Dee, I think Q gets more aggressive faster than difficult child 1. If it was just me and difficult child 1 I might handle this differently. I think your job is harder than mine and I am amazed at how well you do it. You are a great mom and you keep Q and yourself safe.

I think the rest of the evening is going to be spent in front of the tv.

 

[buddy]

thanks for that....when I responded to you we were having a good day.....then the breath holding, hoping hewouldn't ramp up feeing started......and he lost it....we ended up at the hospital again, yuck.

Glad difficult child 1 worked it out and turned it around enough to get thru the night.