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difficult child 17. How will he handle adulthood?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 104942" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>If he doesn't bring his laundry to the laundry room, don't wash it. If he doesn't put thelaundry away then leave it in a pile. </p><p>Who do you suppose will clean his room next year? </p><p></p><p>When you say that your son doesn't have the same degree of ODD as many of us you are not seeing the end result. Failing to function in the real world that isn't cleaned up by mom and dad will be the same if he has "light" odd or severe odd. He has more tools perhaps to overcome his obstacles but tools like IQ is useless if not applied. </p><p></p><p>He is a bit indulged with no real sense that he is not entitled to the world doing what he wants. He cussed out the admissions office? He thinks that they will be afraid of him or impressed? I'm sure that won't put him high on the list of kids who may get in. Natural consequences. Perhaps the admissions office sees something there that they felt would not make a successful student. Grades aren't the whole picture. </p><p></p><p>You say you don't know why he wasn't accepted to his first choice? He is self absorbed and doesn't see that not everyone is as impressed with him as he is with himself. </p><p></p><p>Cleaning his room isn't a big deal. Forbidding food seems reasonable and healthy. If he won't clean it, then deduct the money from his allowance to hire a woman to clean only his room. I understand. My son's are very messy. easy child is normal teen messy. I can get after him and he will do a bit of a clean up. difficult child is oblivious and really almost disgusting messy. Food wrappers, trash, clean laundry, dirty laundry, papers, CD's, all on the floor. The bed clothes are rolled up and off the mattress. Doesn't seem to bother him. Drives me nuts. I insist he pick up trash and dirty laundry every monday. Other than that, I ask if he needs to clean his room and keep the door shut. I can't stand it. He will be out of the house again and he won't really live with me for the most part. I can't change his choice for living like this but I don't have to stress over it anymore. He lives in squalor and thinks it's ok then I have to let it go. </p><p></p><p>Does your son have any adults he looks up to? Will he listen to his coach? his uncle, his minister, his friends parents. Enlist help to talk to him into holding a mirror up to himself and see who he really is. If he won't get counseling you can go to the "do to get" way of dealing with him. He wants gas money? He picks up his dirty dishes and food out of his room. He wants to sign up for something? He has to hang up his clothes. If he wants to act like a child then you have to treat him as a child. He isn't going to like it and you must be strong. You and husband are the parents. If you don't set some framework for which he must function. Can you stand firm and strong? You aren't doing him any favors by tiptoeing around him. He is holding you prisoner or so it seems. </p><p></p><p>My son was very difficult for many many years. I know how hard it is to be the bad guy. I have grown into the role.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 104942, member: 3"] If he doesn't bring his laundry to the laundry room, don't wash it. If he doesn't put thelaundry away then leave it in a pile. Who do you suppose will clean his room next year? When you say that your son doesn't have the same degree of ODD as many of us you are not seeing the end result. Failing to function in the real world that isn't cleaned up by mom and dad will be the same if he has "light" odd or severe odd. He has more tools perhaps to overcome his obstacles but tools like IQ is useless if not applied. He is a bit indulged with no real sense that he is not entitled to the world doing what he wants. He cussed out the admissions office? He thinks that they will be afraid of him or impressed? I'm sure that won't put him high on the list of kids who may get in. Natural consequences. Perhaps the admissions office sees something there that they felt would not make a successful student. Grades aren't the whole picture. You say you don't know why he wasn't accepted to his first choice? He is self absorbed and doesn't see that not everyone is as impressed with him as he is with himself. Cleaning his room isn't a big deal. Forbidding food seems reasonable and healthy. If he won't clean it, then deduct the money from his allowance to hire a woman to clean only his room. I understand. My son's are very messy. easy child is normal teen messy. I can get after him and he will do a bit of a clean up. difficult child is oblivious and really almost disgusting messy. Food wrappers, trash, clean laundry, dirty laundry, papers, CD's, all on the floor. The bed clothes are rolled up and off the mattress. Doesn't seem to bother him. Drives me nuts. I insist he pick up trash and dirty laundry every monday. Other than that, I ask if he needs to clean his room and keep the door shut. I can't stand it. He will be out of the house again and he won't really live with me for the most part. I can't change his choice for living like this but I don't have to stress over it anymore. He lives in squalor and thinks it's ok then I have to let it go. Does your son have any adults he looks up to? Will he listen to his coach? his uncle, his minister, his friends parents. Enlist help to talk to him into holding a mirror up to himself and see who he really is. If he won't get counseling you can go to the "do to get" way of dealing with him. He wants gas money? He picks up his dirty dishes and food out of his room. He wants to sign up for something? He has to hang up his clothes. If he wants to act like a child then you have to treat him as a child. He isn't going to like it and you must be strong. You and husband are the parents. If you don't set some framework for which he must function. Can you stand firm and strong? You aren't doing him any favors by tiptoeing around him. He is holding you prisoner or so it seems. My son was very difficult for many many years. I know how hard it is to be the bad guy. I have grown into the role. [/QUOTE]
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