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difficult child 17. How will he handle adulthood?
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 104950" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>My daughter is a slob. Unless some miracle happens, she always will be. Right now, I semi-live with it. She is allowed to eat in her room so long as the dirty dishes are brought out within an hour of being done eating. If they're not and I have to remove them, she doesn't get to eat any food in her room for the next week. She loves to munch and watch tv in her room so the no food for a week is a big deal to her. After the second time of no food, the plates, glasses, cans, etc. do come out promptly.</p><p></p><p>Her bathroom is the main bathroom. That means it needs to stay neat. If she leaves clothes on the floor, I pick them up and put them in the Goodwill box. After losing her favorite top, clothes seem to magically make it to her room. Not necessarily her hamper, but at least her room. The mess in there is hers. She knows how to clean it. As long as it doesn't smell, I let it go. When it gets too awful, I close her door so I can't see it.</p><p></p><p>You're lucky that he's doing well in school. Mine was a school hater. She's now seeing the consequences of no education -- rotten jobs at low pay. She's talking about going to the community college next year. This is up to her. Her life, her future. I will give her advice but I refuse to do more than that at this time. This is her battle to conquer, not mine.</p><p></p><p>She didn't take care of her car before we left and it ended being towed away. I did buy a scooter when we moved here (a golf cart community but I don't like golf carts). She can use it to go to and from work and, on occasion, to do other things. She only is allowed to use my car for my errands. A scooter in the rain is no fun but it gets her where she needs to go and it is street legal, just a lot slower than a car and she frequently has to take the long way to get somewhere since she can't go on the freeway with it. Again, her problem, not mine.</p><p></p><p>Your son is doing a lot of things right. You've done a good job. He probably does have ODD. Personally, I think every teen has ODD and a touch of BiPolar (BP). It is part of the growing up process. Most kids outgrow these tendencies. It is the ones who don't who cause the pain, grief, heartbreak for years and sometimes decades to come.</p><p></p><p>Where possible, let natural consequences do their part. Decide what you absolutely cannot tolerate and let him know that if breaks these rules what the consequences are. If necessary, create a contract for everyone to sign. If he argues them, simply show him a copy of the contract (he'll probably tear it up which is why you want a copy). Don't argue, don't discuss. If he feels the need to argue and discuss, try to remove yourself. I just get in the car and drive away whenever possible. Saves my sanity.</p><p></p><p>Good luck! Believe it or not, he will grow up. He will do fine. You've laid a good foundation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 104950, member: 3626"] My daughter is a slob. Unless some miracle happens, she always will be. Right now, I semi-live with it. She is allowed to eat in her room so long as the dirty dishes are brought out within an hour of being done eating. If they're not and I have to remove them, she doesn't get to eat any food in her room for the next week. She loves to munch and watch tv in her room so the no food for a week is a big deal to her. After the second time of no food, the plates, glasses, cans, etc. do come out promptly. Her bathroom is the main bathroom. That means it needs to stay neat. If she leaves clothes on the floor, I pick them up and put them in the Goodwill box. After losing her favorite top, clothes seem to magically make it to her room. Not necessarily her hamper, but at least her room. The mess in there is hers. She knows how to clean it. As long as it doesn't smell, I let it go. When it gets too awful, I close her door so I can't see it. You're lucky that he's doing well in school. Mine was a school hater. She's now seeing the consequences of no education -- rotten jobs at low pay. She's talking about going to the community college next year. This is up to her. Her life, her future. I will give her advice but I refuse to do more than that at this time. This is her battle to conquer, not mine. She didn't take care of her car before we left and it ended being towed away. I did buy a scooter when we moved here (a golf cart community but I don't like golf carts). She can use it to go to and from work and, on occasion, to do other things. She only is allowed to use my car for my errands. A scooter in the rain is no fun but it gets her where she needs to go and it is street legal, just a lot slower than a car and she frequently has to take the long way to get somewhere since she can't go on the freeway with it. Again, her problem, not mine. Your son is doing a lot of things right. You've done a good job. He probably does have ODD. Personally, I think every teen has ODD and a touch of BiPolar (BP). It is part of the growing up process. Most kids outgrow these tendencies. It is the ones who don't who cause the pain, grief, heartbreak for years and sometimes decades to come. Where possible, let natural consequences do their part. Decide what you absolutely cannot tolerate and let him know that if breaks these rules what the consequences are. If necessary, create a contract for everyone to sign. If he argues them, simply show him a copy of the contract (he'll probably tear it up which is why you want a copy). Don't argue, don't discuss. If he feels the need to argue and discuss, try to remove yourself. I just get in the car and drive away whenever possible. Saves my sanity. Good luck! Believe it or not, he will grow up. He will do fine. You've laid a good foundation. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child 17. How will he handle adulthood?
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