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difficult child 17. How will he handle adulthood?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 105178" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi Purple Cow, </p><p></p><p>I can't think of much to add to the incredibly insightful information you have already been given. But I would ask at this point - "What are you doing for yourself?" </p><p></p><p>Our kids (especially if its an only child) become our center of life. We're hellbent and determined that WE alone as parents will find the MAGIC bean. We're so hyperfocused on finding the magic for our kids we let the magic out of ourselves and never replenish it. </p><p></p><p>At 17 - he's going to have some hard roads to travel. And I'm in the category of Mothers who have done everything and now face life lessons and natural consequences. I would like to think that there is a place in time where I finally give up and let difficult child go. I'm not quite there yet. </p><p></p><p>I am at the place where I have realized it's NOT selfish to take care of ME FIRST. Fran is very right - the rest of the world isn't going to take care of him like you do, and if you are unselfish enough to let that occur - he may have a shot at taking care of himself. </p><p></p><p> If you are destined to continue to take care of your son for the rest of your life - then I would tell you to keep washing his clothes and providing him with money. It won't make him feel good about himself and he'll come to depend on you totally for everything. And while that may be fine for a while - how do you suppose he will support himself if you are gone? </p><p></p><p>(Not being ugly to you here just stating facts) </p><p></p><p>Some times our children are able to maintain very well at school and do lousy interacting with us. Snap your fingers and it changes to getting along with us and doing poorly at school. It's ridiculous - no rhyme or reason. My best book selection to offer for your reading is Tough Love - at this point YOU are going to be the one hurting more over all of this. tough love helps you get a perspective</p><p></p><p>Hope this helps. </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 105178, member: 4964"] Hi Purple Cow, I can't think of much to add to the incredibly insightful information you have already been given. But I would ask at this point - "What are you doing for yourself?" Our kids (especially if its an only child) become our center of life. We're hellbent and determined that WE alone as parents will find the MAGIC bean. We're so hyperfocused on finding the magic for our kids we let the magic out of ourselves and never replenish it. At 17 - he's going to have some hard roads to travel. And I'm in the category of Mothers who have done everything and now face life lessons and natural consequences. I would like to think that there is a place in time where I finally give up and let difficult child go. I'm not quite there yet. I am at the place where I have realized it's NOT selfish to take care of ME FIRST. Fran is very right - the rest of the world isn't going to take care of him like you do, and if you are unselfish enough to let that occur - he may have a shot at taking care of himself. If you are destined to continue to take care of your son for the rest of your life - then I would tell you to keep washing his clothes and providing him with money. It won't make him feel good about himself and he'll come to depend on you totally for everything. And while that may be fine for a while - how do you suppose he will support himself if you are gone? (Not being ugly to you here just stating facts) Some times our children are able to maintain very well at school and do lousy interacting with us. Snap your fingers and it changes to getting along with us and doing poorly at school. It's ridiculous - no rhyme or reason. My best book selection to offer for your reading is Tough Love - at this point YOU are going to be the one hurting more over all of this. tough love helps you get a perspective Hope this helps. Star [/QUOTE]
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